Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum Podcast.

Okay everybody, since we are recording in person, Adal and JPC are doing an arm wrestling contest. They've been locked into place for four hours now. Not a lot of movement. Not a lot of blinking. How is he doing this? I'm seeing now that GBC might be sound asleep.

I don't have my homework.

GBC?

Huh? Huh? Huh?

Oh, GBC won. Oh, what the hell?

Can I be honest with you, Adal? Yeah. I was using my leg.

Well now, I wondered why you had a shoe on your hand.

Redo. Rematch. Redo.

Redo. Couldn't get a good grip.

No, I'm obviously by far the strongest, then it's Adal, and then it's JPC. Where, hey Riddle Riddle, we're in person.

Oh yes, we're in person just like I was for that arm wrestling competition I won by putting a shoe on my foot, on my hand. Wait, hold on. On my head. I put a shoe... I put a glove on my foot.

That's what socks are.

Guy showing up with a winter glove on his foot, leg on the table for arm wrestling.

Wait a minute, something's off, but I can't quite place my finger on it. You mean my toe, I mean my finger.

I mean my finger.

Now Erin, since we're live and in person.

Yes.

Pick a card, any card.

Three of diamonds.

Oh, let me put this deck of cards away.

That went so well. You guys, I love being in person.

Erin, you're back in Chicago. You were here to celebrate the nuptials of a friend and as it just so happened, Casey has a sweet little in-person setup where like, let's get the freaking band back together and let's do like a little in-person episode.

Why not take a crazy chance? Why not do a crazy dance?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I know you're gonna do a crazy dance for us. Did you do any crazy dancing at the wedding?

I danced a little bit, yeah.

You got loose?

I got loose. I didn't do the worm. I didn't really go down too far to the ground and mostly stayed kind of upright. I did miss a lot of really great songs because I was talking about comedy with people.

Jerk.

I mean, I was torn. How do you choose between talking about comedy?

Oh, you miss torn? Love Natalie Bruglia.

I miss Gimme Gimme My Abba and I was like, unbelievable. But I had a really good time at the wedding.

Do you have a favorite wedding song?

I love Abba at a wedding. I love Come on Eileen at a wedding. Sure. Spice Girls. I don't know. What about you guys?

I don't know that I have a favorite wedding song. I don't think I like the wedding songs that are like, that are like, um, uh, what's it called? The standards. Yeah. Well, no, I do like some standards. I don't like the one words like the jump or the shout or the, uh, yeah. Or like the ones that like the electric slide. Instructional. There's an instructional component to them, you know.

Cha-cha real smooth.

My neck, my back, my pussy and my crack. It's like, we all know the dance, but.

What's the, I'm flicking on the name of it, what's the Bruno Mars song?

Uptown Funk.

Uptown Funk. I feel like that's a song where I'm like, when it was on the radio, I'm like, eh, pretty good. And then I've been to like three or four weddings where they play that and I'm like, fuck yes.

Yeah, you're going to get into that one. I feel that way about Shut Up and Dance by Walk the Moon. I hear that at a wedding. I'm fucking dancing to that song.

And that's like, oh yeah, that's a fun dancing song. I think I like that one a lot too. Yeah, I don't know. I think, I think the just the vibe of music at a wedding is like, it's like, when I think of like the best place to listen to music, my buddy, Johnny O'Meara, when we had a music review show together, he used to say like, his ideal way to listen to music is like summertime in a car with the windows down.

Oh, yeah.

And I'm like, Oh, yeah, that's just like, that's cruising music, baby. Like, you got to love you got to love music like that. But then like, Carly Rae Jepsen albums were born from that.

One of my favorite descriptions of listening to an album came from you, JPC, which is... I can't remember if it was on the episode or a private discussion.

Okay.

So sorry for putting you on blast.

Uh-oh.

I feel like you once said that you... Bathtub. Absolutely dead ass asleep.

You put a speaker up your butt so you can feel it in your bum.

Open your mouth, it comes out of your mouth like a grandma bum.

You said that... Choking yourself in a closet when you're just about to pass out, but you don't. You finish the song.

When you're just about to pass out. Wink, wink, live judge. You've mentioned, because your dad's like a big audiophile, you mentioned like listening to, maybe it's the Moody Blues? Steely Dan. Steely Dan lights off in your dad's living room with like high quality stereo equipment. I'm like, that sounds really fun actually.

There is something fun about listening to music intentionally, you know, like in a way that you're experiencing it and not just having music on.

I recently listened to music in a pool float when it's sunny and I was like, this is hitting.

In a pool float? God, you're gonna hit me for this. That's a pool plus ice group beer.

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Chlorine. I didn't know where to go with it. Should I have gone a pool plus root beer?

Ice cream makes it a float.

Chlorine, root beer, vanilla ice cream.

Hospital.

I love a salt water float where there's a pool, no chemicals, just ice cream.

Get that on the boardwalk. Erin, what were you listening to in the pool?

I listened to a full album and it's just the best.

Do you remember what it was?

Yeah, I've been listening to Paul Simon because I'm getting to see him live in a couple months. He was truly my dream person to see live. And I'm like, yeah, being in a pool float is a great way to experience music.

If he would tour with Lady Smith, Black Mambasa, I would.

First in line for tickets. I'm like so, so, so excited to see him live because I thought he retired but he's back.

Yesterday when I was walking- Apparently he has gambling debt. He was the gambler, not Willie Nelson.

Yesterday I was walking to the wedding from my Airbnb and I was feeling like really low because the dress that I had bought that I like loved, the zipper broke yesterday morning and so I had to rush and buy a backup dress. And I was like, I don't like my outfit, and I didn't have time to do my hair, and I was feeling kind of grumpy, and I walked by Dunkin' Donuts, and I was like, maybe I'll get a little Dunkin' Donuts to pick myself up. And I was like, Adal and JBC will make fun of me if I stop to get a Cheer Me Up Dunkin' Donuts. But instead, I walked by, and two girls walked out of the Dunkin' Donuts, and they were like, you look gorgeous. We were talking about it inside. Incredible outfit. You look incredible. And I was like, thank you so much. And then I didn't go in, because I was like, I got what I needed from Dunkin' Donuts. It gives, it giveth in many different ways.

And did they start laughing as soon as they got ten feet from you?

Yeah, they were like, it's the ugliest fucking dress I've ever seen.

I was like, I was walking here and a girl pointed at me and to her friend goes, you're gonna marry him. And they both, and I was like, what a, that feels really good.

I was like, don't turn around, Erin, because you're going to turn around and they're not going to be there. Don't ruin the magic. Those are gorgeous. So if you were on the Clark Dunkin Donuts on a Sunday, and you complimented a girl in a blue dress, that was me and you were an angel.

Turns into a pumpkin and a mouse.

They turned back into a culotta and a donut on the ground.

Duncanrella. Dunk, Dunk, Cinder Duncan. Cinder Duncan. Is that something? Cinder Dunk.

I'm going to work on it and I'm going to make it my whole personality. Whatever it is, it's mine.

Erin, have you ever worn the same dress as someone else to a wedding?

Oh yeah, multiple times.

That's so fun.

That's happened.

I love when you see that.

You do scream and start dancing with that woman. It's the best feeling. I feel like that was a big thing with prom dresses, everyone creating a Facebook group or whatever to prove that we didn't all buy the same dress. But besides that, I love showing up somewhere and I'm wearing the same dress as someone. It doesn't happen often because I buy used and vintage a lot, but everyone's in a while. You'll be wearing the same dress as a lady.

I think it's always fun when you're wearing the same article of clothing as another person because it's also like most clothes are not custom-made, right? We're all taking a shot.

I feel like for men that's way more common than for women. Yeah, exactly. I feel like we're all sharks circling the same three stores of blood.

And I know also like fashion changes, you know, and there's like, this is new thing for the season or like, and it wasn't in last season, but like this is a, I'm wearing like a green J.Crew t-shirt with like a pocket t-shirt and I have like 40 of these shirts just in different colors. It's a great shirt. And it's just never gonna like, if three years from now when I go to J.Crew to buy this shirt, it will be this same shirt. They're not, they're not, they're like, we're done iterating on The Plain Green Shirt.

We're

We'll be right back. And I'm like, girls, is there a group chat? And I'm like, I don't, I just, can someone email me every time we change speakers?

Can someone just tell me, write it on a piece of paper and slip it under my door?

I think that there's not like a truism, because like, you know, Adal and I are married, and it's not that I, it's not that like I- To women!

To each other!

When I buy clothes, it's not that I'm like, I don't have anyone to impress. It's like, I still want to impress my wife, but I also know what she likes. And it's like, her tastes are not changing all the time. And it's just like, she would be really happy if it was no clothes.

Fur coat, nothing underneath.

I'm sorry, do you have those shirts that are just whipped cream? Or, you know what, I'll just buy the whipped cream. My wife, I like to lick. And her parents listen to the show. I miss her, Mrs. Mariah. There is something nice about when you're not trying to dress for society, you're trying to like, if I am dressing, I'm dressing for one person, you know? And I'm like, oh yeah, this is something that she would like to see me in. So I know that that's what I have to buy, yeah.

That's why I keep really good track of the links of things that I buy because it will happen that a friend will be like, Oh my God, I'm looking for jeans just like that. I like to be able to like immediately fire it off to them. I have a link in my Instagram bio of them because it's so helpful of like this is exactly because online shopping is such a fucking nightmare.

It's a crapshoot. Erin, the company that made your The Sweater, do they make wedding dresses?

Oh my god, they will now.

Wedding dresses or like dresses to wear to a wedding?

Well it would be, if they made one, it would be like Joseph's amazing Technicolor dreamcoat, but... I will, if I ever get married, I promise you, the company is FarmRio.

Win you if you ever get married.

When, if, but if I ever never get married, I will wear something from that company. But I did recently buy a shirt from there, tried it on for my friend Elizabeth, tried it on for my sweet boyfriend, and they both went, It's a long sleeve Welcome to The one like thing to it is it has a silk, green, here we go, stem, and then a rose right at the top at the neck. Okay, everybody just sort of reacted with disgust. There was movement in my periphery from Casey.

Like a ventriloquist dummy?

Yeah.

Oh my God.

The rose goes up to, it's like the stem of a rose and then the... Does it squirt water in your mouth?

I'm not even wearing it! I'm not even fucking wearing it!

It sounds like a shirt that's holding you hostage. I'm not even wearing it! Erin, before I make fun of you, and I will, before I make fun of you for the shirt, when you saw the shirt, what was it, what happened in your mind that you thought, like, this would be good?

Did you think, like, that was your... I thought I would maybe look beautiful in the shirt.

You thought you would look beautiful in the shirt.

I thought, here's what I pictured. But this never happens.

You're gonna look beautiful in anything that you wear.

You don't believe that. No one does.

Wait, I don't have to believe it to say it. What the fuck are we talking about?

What do you mean believe it? I'm immediately locked into this. Okay, so I, when you buy a piece of clothing, you're really, this is very Don Draper of me, I'm buying into a fantasy version of myself that doesn't actually exist. And I was picturing sort of like a high bun, I was picturing red lipstick, I was picturing like being at a bar with someone who thinks I'm very, very interesting and very, very smart. Um, and I'm wearing, like, jeans, and I'm wearing, um, like, a red... Shoes that curl at the end. Yeah, shoes that curl at the end. Thank you. I'm trying to swing at Casey, but he's dodging my punches.

Fingerless gloves.

Okay. Um, and I'm like, oh, I'll wear, like, a little red bra underneath, and it'll be this whole little moment, and I'll have, like, a martini, and I'll just say the most interesting stuff in the shirt.

Sure, sure.

Um, and then no one was on board. I couldn't get anyone to, uh, Be on my side. I'm pulling it up so you guys can see it.

Yeah. So, um, one time, I mean, this was like years ago and relatively early in our relationship, maybe like a few years in, um, I was, I was saying something about like, I didn't have clothes or something like that, or I needed a thing, but I hate shopping. And when I was like, oh, can I like buy you some stuff that I think that you would like look good in? And I was like, you're the one who has to look at me. Like Mariah gave me a haircut and I'm like, I love it because you love it. And it's and I actually do like it's very easy to maintain. But if she wants to do that, I'm like, I'm all about it. Like, go, you know, go for it. Like, you're the one who has to look at me. So she bought me this like, collection of like items to try on. And we did we did a thing in our like, dining room where I would like try something on. And like, everything that I put on, I was like, This is just for a different guy. Like, I'm like, I'm not promoting a nightclub, so like, I can't wear, like, I don't have a nightclub to promote. Like, but everything was like trendy-esque. And I was like, I just don't think I'm a trendy guy. I'm like a basics guy.

Like, that's that's what I... You're a tank top with something weird on it.

Exactly. I feel I feel like comfortable in like a I could like buy anything that I need. I can buy at Target for like ten dollars and I'll be kind of OK with it. But anything that has like a fashion that might like Riddle I'll see you on the slopes, bitch. Adal, you gave me a, Penguin is the company, right? Yeah, original Penguin. Yeah, like, it's like a rain jacket, but like, not like a, it's not like super waterproof, but it's like water resistant or whatever. And I wore that and I was like, I love this.

Yeah, it's a cool piece.

Yeah, and I never would have bought that. I just never would have considered myself like wearing something like that. But I was like, oh, this, I wear that all the time when I'm walking the dog. I'm like, this is like a great jacket. Okay, can we see the

What's funny is when I was getting rid of that, I was like, I bet JPC would look good in that.

Oh, that's, it's like a real, it's like a textured rose, Erin. That's like a... I loved it.

Is it detachable? Like can someone yank? Would that get caught? If an elevator door closed, would that like pull you up and...

A hundred percent, I just flashed to every other timeline that I'm on. This is the only one where I'm still alive, the rest I die that exact way.

My first impression is if you walked up to me, walked up to us, you walked up to our group and you were wearing that shirt, I would be like, oh, can we get more bread? And, oh, Erin. Oh my God, Erin. I thought you were a table setting. This is, I'm not even at a restaurant. I thought, I truly thought you were here to bring me more bread.

I would just dump water down the front of your shirt. Yeah. To be like, it needed water.

You put like that glass thing that Beauty and the Beast is. Like, oh, this is a curse road. Put me in glass, I suffocate.

I like admire your courage because it's a big swing.

Oh, I've been shot. See, it seemed so mild to me.

But you know so many funny people.

I just don't like... Yeah, people would be like, the water's getting squirted out of me.

There's no one that really... I mean, your friends, it sounds like they did you a service by being kind of mild on it because... Yeah, they protected me.

They did, yeah. They didn't have faith in me.

Erin, here's what I'll say. Okay. Clearly, you're the most fashionable out of everyone at this table, for sure. And most people in Chicago. And I think because you're so fashionable, because you always look so well put together, I think it's good that you're taking risks. Because the minute you stop taking risks,

If I stop swimming, I die. Yeah, exactly. Obviously, I don't know when the sweater episode was, but it's been like four or five years since that.

87.

87, I think. I do have to consider before I see you guys in person what I'm about to put on because it's always a risk and obviously I have it in my bones. And I do think I would have known to not wear that in front of you guys.

Yeah.

Because I'd be like, well, they're going to talk about it the whole time.

Yeah I feel like I'm supportive of my friends but in like very different ways but like one thing I could never abide is someone wearing that shirt around me like there'd be no way there'd be no way for me to if you had to stay true to myself and support that if you were that to the Met Gala I feel like people would be like praising you but I think if you were that to a podcast recording

That's insane that that is, you feel like that is that big of a swing. Where people are wearing like literal... Yeah!

Kim Kardashian is wearing complete black, like her whole, she's completely shrouded and then she's like, whoa, what is that?

Oh my god, Katy Perry went to that dressed as a full chandelier and you think that makes sense? The shirt makes sense?

Yeah, I just, I'm such a, my environs are so casual that I just can't imagine a situation where I'd be like, I'm gonna... I'm To make that be the character that they imbue you with, right?

Every improviser's like, I'm tagging you out, can the shirt stay?

You can't show up to a- They're trying to tag me out, like, under my shirt, at my neck, and I'm like, ugh!

You can't show up to, like, an improv show in, like, a full bear costume and be like, what's the deal? Can we not just improvise?

Can we not be professionals?

I just had an idea for an improv show.

To me, this seemed like someone would be like, I just was expecting such mild responses. This didn't seem like a huge swing to me. This seemed like a casual shirt to me. I'm like, it's a white button though.

When it was open, it felt more casual. But when it's closed, the fact that it takes up real estate that your neck takes up, makes it feel like you have just a prop stuffed down your collar.

I mean, it's a shirt with a prop on it, right?

We can post this in the episode description. What do you clean that shirt? Soil. But here's the thing, take comfort.

Take comfort, Erin.

Take comfort. There's not a single listener who's not going to message and say, you would look amazing in that. So take comfort in that.

I know. All the gals are going to show up for me on Instagram today.

There's not a single listener who's not going to gas you up and say, Erin, you could look amazing in anything.

And I bought it when it was on sale, and now it's not on sale anymore.

Do they let you return it on sale?

Now, I was thinking about doing like a red suit jacket and suit pants for it and I was like this being the shirt because like I was like I don't want to wear a tie but I want something there.

If you were to wear that to a wedding, Erin, I would definitely recommend having a basket of bread with you as well because you are going to be asked multiple times.

If I'm a waiter.

If you're a waiter. being like, because I see the way you're dressed. I know that I don't want to be at this restaurant any longer. And so I'd be like, can I get a check? Oh, it's Erin. I'm definitely gonna want a check.

You cannot wear anything around improvisers. A show in 2018, I showed up to my Herald team show wearing a white shirt and black pants. And immediately everyone was like, I will take a water with lemon. And do you have any great fish specials today? And I'm like, I fucking hate you guys. You can't wear anything.

I wore my World News Tonight suit to a summer wedding and sat next to Conor O'Malley and the whole time he was like, what are you doing, my taxes? What are you, Sylvia? I was just like, immediately I'm like, I am in for the longest night of my life.

What have I done to myself?

Everyone else is wearing breezy blues and all this stuff. And I was just like, I am in hell.

GBC, hypothetically, I walk into a recording wearing that shirt I just showed you, and you know I'm going through a really hard time or whatever, and you go, I can't say anything about the shirt. How long into it do you get a nosebleed from not saying anything?

Erin, first of all, I say stuff immediately. The premise is false. There's never been a time where I'm like, oh, Erin's not going through a hard time. Erin's got it all together.

I'm never any different to you. What if you suffered some horrible injury where you couldn't speak for a week and I came to visit you, I brought you- You'd type it out on one of those speakers. No, not- that would take a minute, I could run before you got it out.

You'd have it loaded, you'd have a soundboard. If I suffered a horrible injury and I couldn't speak and you're in there in my room- I'm coming to visit you, I'm kind. And you're not putting a pillow over my face, I don't know what the fuck you're doing. If you're not in there to take your shot, you're missing your shot. And that is weakness.

No, it won't be me.

There's sort of a spy versus spy energy going on.

You have an understanding with many people that they'll be the one to kill you, and I'm not going to get in the way of that.

Can I say this, Erin? I truly, honestly meant that I think that you could pull that off.

It's just like the— It's just that it's ugly, and I think you would look terrible at it.

No, the situation where you're pulling that off is not a situation where I'm also there. Because I just don't— I can't see a situation where, like, we're both— Where you don't sabotage it. We're both at the same event that warrants you wearing that shirt that I'm also attending.

What about a birthday party?

Unless you're the magician.

A clown's birthday party or something?

Is it a birthday party for Mother Earth?

Now Erin, what I'll say is if that was an embroidered, like if that was stitched into the shirt, I would be like, Erin, that's one of my favorite shirts you've ever worn. The fact that it's a physical rose Poking out under your chin, one, that has to be wildly uncomfortable. Yeah.

And two, it just feels like... If there was a trunk of things that they use on, like, Whose Line Is It Anyway? and they pulled that out, I'd be like, that's the perfect thing for a short-form improv game, you know?

This feels as unfair as getting attacked by a shark in, like, a mall. I'm not in the water. I'm not wearing the shirt, fellas. How is it that you can smell the blood from that far away? You look like three sharks that looked at each other, started walking out of the water, being like, we can't resist.

Let the record show it's your episode. You can start riddles at any time.

I forgot.

I was having too much fun.

Erin, this is like you walking to the ocean The shirt that you first described before I saw a picture of it. I was kind of like

Quasi on board with but the fact that it's roughly that the red part of the rose is like Roughly, and it's right by your neck like I don't even like wearing a necklace a lot of the times I'm like I just I don't I'm not an accessories guy You know it just feels like an accessory on a shirt And I'm also like truly the part that bothers me the most is I see someone wearing that and I'm like how are you cleaning that? Can I just tell you something that's really vulnerable before I start reading these riddles?

Wild to say that. Wild. That is bonkers. It's like a bully. It's a bully kicking the shit out of a kid for 10 minutes and then the kid stands up and he's like, can I tell you about my sick dad? He's like, yeah, go ahead, buddy.

Say, when you were punching me, I shit my pants. Would you be able to help me with that?

Yeah, go ahead. Go ahead, buddy.

But please still do, by the way.

You could not even, you couldn't even begin to get that out. Oh my god, I'm crying.

No, what is it, Erin?

Oh god, well now I don't want to say. No, no, no, no, no. You bought the shirt? Yeah, no, I bought the shirt just now again. No, I um... Paid full price. I, when you were talking just a second ago, I realized I was about to sneeze. And then I was like, oh well, I'm gonna sneeze and then I have to say something funny after and I was gonna go, sorry, I'm allergic to flowers. And then I thought, I was like, they're gonna like that one. And then it kind of got rid of the sneeze in my body. Oh no! And I was like, that felt like really vulnerable.

I would have liked that. I would have liked that.

Yeah, but I didn't sneeze.

We've been trying to, my kid is a toddler, and we've been trying to get them to sneeze and cough into their elbow, like cover their mouth basically when they do it. And they'll always sneeze and then they'll do the elbow and do another little fake sneeze into their elbow. I'm I say God bless you unconsciously and now my kid says God bless me when they sneeze and it's very funny. But how hard would it be to get them to say something like brutally funny when they sneeze as well? Like, like, sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit. Because I would love to see a toddler sneeze and be like, I'm allergic to bullshit.

I mean, that would make your entire year. How's your the plan that you had to make them think that ketchup was mustard and mustard was ketchup?

Um, the problem is that they don't like dipping. The only sauce that they like is ranch and even that they don't, they don't love too much. They just don't love dipping at all. So it's like, I can't even get them interested in ketchup or mustard to begin with, right? I'm gonna have to wait a few years. I'm gonna have to wait a few years. Um, can I can I tell a brief story because it's we I was kind of circles back to what we were talking about before we get into riddles. But we're talking about music and I've been introducing my kid to more and more music. Lately, I've been letting them listen to a lot of Fall Out Boy and now they'll like ask to listen to Fall Out Boy. It's always very funny. We'll be like, I want um, um, um, Fall Out Boy? And it's always, they always go up and go like, Fall Out Boy? And I'm like, yeah, we'll listen to Fall Out Boy. But I was, the other day, they weren't feeling well, their like, stomach was hurting. And they, I was like, oh, like, if you're not feeling well, I should introduce you to like, Sad Girl music, because I love Sad Girl music. And so we were playing like, St. Vincent and Soccer Mommy. And we weren't playing Mitski, but we were doing, Boy Genius. Oh, God, fuck me. Lucy Dacus. Oh, yeah. And we're like listening to a lot of that music. And they were like, I like this one. I like this one. They like everything. So it's like, it's not I actually have no idea if they like it, but they say that they were liking it. But they also, I was telling Adal on the way over here that they were having like a stomach ache. And my kids, two and a half, they never really were big pukers. They never like threw up a lot. And so much so that I like was not expecting them to. But then as we were listening to this music, they like sat up and threw up. That's how sad they were. Were you in the car? We were in this rental thing because we were on vacation for my wife's mom's retirement, and we had this place by the beach in Florida, and we were on this day bed, but my kid can speak now, and they are not familiar with throwing up, and all they had were blueberries and grapes in their stomach because they had a stomach ache, so they threw up, and the first thing they looked at me and they go, What happened to me? And I was like, you threw up. It's like totally, it's totally normal. You should have said, I've never seen that before. That's the craziest shit I've ever seen. We need to get you to the hospital now.

You should have all started screaming.

I was internally freaking out.

Barf is ketchup and mustard is piss.

It was like, it was like, uh, uh, blueberries and grapes. It was like red, liquid, you know, and I was like, oh no, but it was because they had, you know, blueberries and grapes. Um, but the second thing that they, when we got them cleaned up, uh, we got them in the bathtub and got them cleaned up, the second thing they said, they go, What happened to my blueberries? Like they're like, do blueberries do that? I'm like, no, those aren't, don't worry about those blueberries. Those blueberries are like bad blueberries. It doesn't.

And I said, I think it would be fun if like a universal term for barfing is like, lose your blueberries. If you're like, oh, I'm going to lose my blueberries.

I think that's such a fun phrase to say. They told our babysitter today when we got back into town, they were like, I lost all my blueberries and grapes.

That's so cute.

That's so fucking funny. I did a character for a showcase in Chicago like eight years ago that Adal pitched one of my favorite jokes you've ever said for that I ended up using and the character was a woman who hasn't sneezed before just now like she's experiencing that for the first time and I was talking to Adal about it and you pitched the joke, I feel like my body's trying to remember a name. And I think about that every time I sneeze. I was like, that is poetry to me. That is like, you managed to communicate something about the human experience that I had never heard anyone say that before. But not knowing what throw up is and what that experience is about to be, that 30 seconds before must have felt nuts. Terrifying.

At an, when you're like, because again, they just never did it when they were like a baby, but like doing it when you were very young, before you have the capability of speech, but to do something for the first time that is crazy, but you also have the ability to like, convey it in a basic term, like, to be like, what happened to me? Like, what is happening? Did we all just say that? Did you, do you do that? I'm not crazy. That's not normal, right? Have we ever, has anyone, am I the first guy to ever do that?

Should we call the priest?

Priest? What do we do? Is it a priest? Do we call the Pentagon? Like, who do we call? Am I a superhero? Am I an X-Men? Is this my X-Men? Do we call Professor X?

Can I go to that school? Am I too young for that school?

Am I on his radar? Do they let babies into that school? Like, what do I do? Like, what do I do? Can I do this on command? Just, like, so many questions.

Should we call a priest? I'm dying.

Now you have to write a children's book called Babies for a Spark.

And this all has to be in it. That's sweet, sweet kid. Oh, brother.

I saw you pick up your phone to do riddles.

I don't want to. One last thing I want to say.

One last thing I want to say. I love you, but the funniest way you could die is if you wore that shirt at an outdoor wedding and you got carried away by bees. Now… Yes. Stung to death by bees. I'm not saying I want that to happen.

I'm saying… Hummingbird impales me through the neck.

And then the hummingbird's like, I thought… We all thought… Come on.

If you showed up to my house wearing that shirt, Erin, and it wasn't a singing telegram situation, I would be... Well... Roses are red, violets are blue, Jennifer has a crush on you. Jennifer can't afford it.

Ryan's behind you.

Who's Jennifer?

Baby, I don't know. Baby, look at her shirt. Baby, look at her shirt. This podcast is sponsored to you by Squarespace Hey everybody, if you're hearing this, it's JPC. I have done a little bit of a whoopsie. I have trapped myself once again in the computer. It's okay. I've made my way to HeyRiddleRiddle.com. It's a Squarespace website. We use Squarespace to build it. The all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. So whether you're just starting out or scaling your business, Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings, with a professional website, grow your brand, and get paid all in one place. The one thing that they do not give you, default, is a way to get out of your own website if you've been sucked inside of it. So I've been kind of playing around in here looking for exits. I found a bunch of SEO tools. You can get discovered fast with integrated Squarespace SEO tools. Every website is optimized to be indexed with meta descriptions and auto-generated site map and more so you show up more often on search engines and bring in more of your ideal customers. Have not found like a trap door to get out of the website. I know that Squarespace also gives you videos. They make it easy to showcase your expertise and engage clients with video content on your website. You can upload and organize your videos, create stunning video libraries, and even monetize your content by adding a paywall perfect for online courses, exclusive tutorials, and premium workshops. But none of that has, again, helped me find a way to get sucked out of the computer. Actually, it doesn't even need to be sucked out. I got sucked in, but I could just walk out if that were an option for me. But if you know any of my options, head to squarespace.com slash riddle for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code riddle to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. And tell him JPC sent you and that he's also trapped in a Squarespace website. Okay, bye.

999, 1000. Ready or not, here I come. Oh, hey everybody. I'm just playing a quick game of hide and seek with Adal and JPC, so you keep an eye out for them while I talk to you about quints. This past weekend, I was out and about with my new Italian suede slouchy midnight blue bag. And I kid you not, several of the most beautiful, cool-looking women asked me where I got it. And I got to go, Quince, it's super affordable. I want my everyday items to be classic and timeless and comfortable and easy and affordable. And that's why I shop at Quince. Quince has all the wardrobe staples for spring. Think 100% European linen shorts and shirts from $34. Lightweight, breathable, and comfortable. But we're still going to look put together. And clean! 100% Prima cotton tees with a softness that has to be felt. Everything is priced 50-80% less than what you'll find at similar brands. Quince works directly with ethical factories and cuts out the middlemen, so you're getting premium materials without the markup. I love everything I have from Quince. I recently got sandals from them. I'm obsessed with their home stuff. If you're looking for basics like rugs or curtains, truly just the most timeless, classic, well-made items are over there at Quince. So check it out. Still not seeing Adler GPC. Starting to worry that they went to the movies or something. No, they're around. I'll find them. Refresh your everyday with luxury you'll actually use. Head to quince.com slash riddle for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's quince, Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash riddle, R-I-D-D-L-E, for free shipping and 365-day returns. That's a full year. If it's a full year, you can decide if you like it. You're going to like it. quince.com slash riddle. I found you! Oh, no. Sorry, false alarm. Those are just two scarecrows eating dessert waffles. Onward and upward! Hello, everybody. It's me, Erin Keif, here to talk about my dog, Lou. I bet you've heard me talk about Lou hundreds, if not thousands of times on the show because I am obsessed with her. Fun fact about Lou, this past weekend in Palm Springs, she ran face first into a cactus and I did not handle it well. And if anyone gets being dog obsessed, it's Ollie. I love Ollie's dog food. They're relentless about delivering the best food and experience to your dog. And they give you a way to check in on their health over and over and over again. All these fresh recipes are developed by real chefs and backed by vet nutritionists. They're obsessed with making the best meals and the highest quality ingredients. From the moment you start your subscription, everything is tailored to your dog. The meals are perfectly portioned and you get a pup-tainer, cute, and a scoop for easy storing and serving. With Ollie, you don't just get food. Through their app, you can actually check on your dog's health with real vets. Just by uploading a picture, their team can check in on your dog's weight, digestion, teeth, and coat. Because they're obsessed with making sure your pup is as healthy as can be. Lou's getting old, and I just want her to be healthy and have the best life she can. Since switching to Ollie, Lou gets even more excited to eat. She clearly loves the food. And also, I just noticed she's got a little bit more energy. She's acting like a puppy again. And she's running into cactuses. Cacti? And she's running into cacti full speed in the middle of the desert. Well, get ready for both you and your pup to be obsessed. Head to ollie.com slash riddle. Tell them all about your dog and use code RIDDLE to get 70% off your welcome kit when you subscribe today. Plus, they offer an obsession guarantee. If you're not completely obsessed, you'll get your money back. That's ollie, O-L-L-I-E dot com slash riddle. And enter code RIDDLE, R-I-D-D-L-E, to get 70% off your first box. Isn't that right, Lou? I thought she would bark on cue. That would have been so awesome if she had barked. She didn't though. You didn't though, Lou.

Hey everybody, JPC here, and I want to talk to you about rocket money, but I couldn't do it without my two friends. Adal, what's up Adal? And Erin, what's going on Erin? Ew. Classic. Classic you guys. Anyway, Rocket Money. Let's talk about it. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that is going to help you get your life together. Rocket Money can track subscriptions and has the ability to cancel unwanted ones within the app with just a few taps, saving users over $880 million in canceled subscriptions. Erin, how does that sound? You guys don't speak Erin's language, but to me, I know that means very good. Plus, they have automatic transaction categorization across accounts, plus customizable categories and tags to reveal spending patterns. If you are saving for something big like a wedding, which I have saved for before, it can help set budgets and goals. Plus, you get personalized insights and regular reports and receive real-time alerts for large transactions, upcoming bills, refunds, and low balances. Plus, users who create a financial goal with Rocket Money save over $70 on average within the first 30 days. Wow, Adal, $70. That sounds like a lot of money, huh? Wow. Well, you can also use their automated savings features that grow towards goals with adjustable amounts and frequencies. It's a set-it-and-forget-it approach. But don't take my word for it. You gotta try it out yourself. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join rocketmoney.com slash riddle. That's rocketmoney.com slash riddle. RocketMoney.com slash riddle. Yes.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Hey Riddle Riddle.

Welcome back to Hey Erin Moore Weird Shirt. We are no longer a riddle podcast. We are in the middle of changing our names on every platform. Sorry, everybody, about the no riddles. I'm going to make up for it starting, seeing if they have any more jokes about the shirt, now.

I'm ready for a riddle, yeah.

Okay, these are from Will, and they're limerick riddles. Thank you, Will.

Thank you, Will. Roses are red, down on my shirt.

Roses are red, as you can see.

There once was a woman so wild, she was born without a sense of style.

I'm wearing the shirt, don't make fun of me.

She bought the worst shirt. Her feelings were hurt. She bought the worst shirt. Her feelings were hurt.

Oh, what do I call this episode? The Shirt. Your memories? I didn't, I didn't even, I don't even own it anymore and I'm not even wearing it right now.

They protected you. They did a good, they did a good job. Elizabeth and Riley looking out for you.

Yeah, they've been working together lately, and it's hard. They're making me better, but they're a good team.

Yeah, you know.

Does that come in other, like, is there one where it's like a carrot facing up to your mouth?

I want that one.

Ooh, the what's up doc. You know what, I'm gonna start making these.

I was like, also, when I returned it, I was like, I could DIY this.

What would you want facing up towards your mouth?

A knife.

Ooh, another shirt. When you return that shirt, should they say, we can't accept shirts that have been altered? If you've modified a shirt, we can't accept it. Weirdo.

Your memories I help you recall in a book on a desk or a wall.

Journal.

If you did the crime but don't want the time, set up another to take your fall.

Hmm. Look at my Minto situation.

Yep. No. Great. Your memories I help you recall in a book on a desk or a wall. If you don't... Oh, oh, oh.

A frame. Yes, a frame.

Yes, a frame. I would like to see a scene.

Okay.

Adal, you framed JPC for a crime maybe like 10 years ago. And JPC, you're just now getting out of prison and you're running into Adal.

Got it. Oh. Oh, pardon me. I'm just trying to get to the... Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't hit me. Don't hit me. What? I said Derek. Whoa, Derek. Oh. Oh my gosh.

Yeah, Derek. Yeah. Wow. You framed me for... You got out?

I mean, where have you been?

You framed me for a crime. What? I'm not mad. Oh my God. Greg, I'm not mad. Truly, that was the best thing that could have ever happened to me.

Oh, you wrote like a comedy special off of it or something?

of the podcast. I actually don't know what the comedy behind, like, killing someone else's mom would be. But no, no. Chappelle would find a way. Chappelle would find a way. God, he's so funny. He's so funny. Especially lately. And I like that he vacillates between... He's so much different from when I went in, but now that I'm out, he's so much better.

I like that he vacillates between, like, hard jokes and then just, like...

What do you think? Like I felt so much better. Like I changed my life. I'm like, I turned over. I went to college. I got my degree while I was at Joe Pesci.

What was that movie? My Cousin Vinny? Yeah. Doesn't he go back to college or something? Stealing Harvard? No.

I'm

It's just so rough to see like people being put in jail or the word jail, or to like play Monopoly. Like it's been, it's just really, it's been painful.

It's truly, it is no sweat off my back. It is not a big deal. It is, it's water under the bridge.

Here's your Lamborghini Geyser. That was fun to drive. We don't get to drive a lot of great cars like that. You're, you're incredible.

Um, you're welcome. And this is mine?

Yeah, this is yours. Wow, you must have so many cars. You must be rich, rich, if you didn't even recognize.

You can't tell that this person's a valet? Yeah. They're wearing the uniform. White shirt, big red flower.

Shut up! Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.

The rose. The rose is shooting her.

Shut up! I killed my friend.

The self-concerned character yelling at you to shut up.

Shut up and scene.

Shut up and end the scene. Very funny, Erin. I would have done that to you at an improv show if you were wearing that shirt for the improv show. Every character you would be would be about a person wearing that shirt.

Then I would have taken off the shirt, I would have been naked, and everyone would have felt horrible. It would have been an absolute public meltdown.

It does feel like, in improv they say if you're doing a live show, to dress fairly neutral so that you can play anything, portray anything.

What's the rule? It's like, don't be the worst dressed, don't be the best dressed. You want to aim for somewhere in the middle.

Sharna used to say, look like you're going on a first date, but the first date is bowling.

Big top hat.

Big top hat.

Jeans shorts. Tons of fucking rings.

I am a beetle. These are more of Will's limericks. I am a beetle but not Ringo or Paul. Rivers and mountains. I've seen them all.

Erin, does it really say I'm a beetle but not Ringo or Paul?

I am a beetle but not Ringo or Paul.

Gorge Harrison. Did I say Ringo and Paul?

Was that the order that I said it? That's the order you said it. That is the spookiest stuff. That's fucking nuts.

And can I just say, besides this moment right here, no one has ever listed the Beatles in that order. Right? I know. No one goes, let me list the Beatles. Ringo, Paul. Right? No one in the history... I'm freaking out. You know how they say, if you shuffle a deck of cards, that sequence has never existed in the entire existence of humanity? That's what that was. Jesus Christ.

I always say Ringo, George, John, and what's the other one? That's how I say it.

Can I be honest with you guys? These riddles are not from Will. I wrote these. Is that real? No.

You've done that before. Can I be vulnerable again? I hate it here. Is this a safe place to say this? Just making fake Gmail accounts and sending riddles to the show. I won't say who it's about. What the fuck am I doing? I'm a beetle, but not Ringo or Paul. Rivers and mountains, I've seen them all. In arm and in page, I held the world for an age. Then Google did usher my fall.

Pete Best?

No. Google ushered your fall. Ask Jeeves.

No. Rivers and mountains, I've seen them all. In arm and in page, I held the world for an age.

Atlas. Dictionary.

Yes, an atlas.

How is it a beetle?

Oh, an Atlas beetle. Oh, Atlas beetle.

Wait, is that a type of beetle? I guess so.

Yeah, sounds right.

Wait! Everybody went, oh! And then when I was like, what is that? And people were like, I don't know.

I think it's one of the beetles that like rolls up a big ball of shit and then, but then it lifts it up. Like Atlas holds up the world.

An Atlas beetle is like one of the Volkswagen's like bigger model beetles. Like if Shaq wanted to drive a beetle, he could drive an Atlas beetle. It's like the size of a semi cab. They make one a year.

I'd like to see a scene. Adal, you are Atlas, and you've been carrying the world on your shoulders. JPC, you are his boss doing his quarterly performance review.

Got it. Actually, not even necessary, Atlas. You can leave the world right out there. Come on into the office. Is someone taking over? Yeah, Pete's gonna take over. Pete! Pete! Pete's gonna do it.

I gotcha.

Okay, hand off in three, two... Wait, on go after three, or...?

Doesn't matter.

Three, two, one, go.

Ready?

Pete's got it. He's got the... He's got the uniform on. Oh my god, that feels... That feels amazing. Well, don't get too used to it, because you're going right back out. Just wanted to... Hey, it's been a year. I know because of the way that you've... Riddle Guys getting his liver eaten out and the boulder up a hill guy.

Oh Sisyphus.

Sisyphus, he gets conjugals. His real name is Todd.

Are my ears burning? Sisyphus! Hey!

It's actually time for your... It's time Sisyphus for your conjugal if you wanna... Oh hell yeah, I already had a boner.

On my way.

What sucks is he fucks until he's just about to cum and then he has to start over.

For sure, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Having to start over. To edge for thousands of people.

Wait, so are you guys talking about me?

No. Sting. We're talking about sting. Sting.

We're talking about sting. Whoa. Alright.

See you guys later. Just wanted to do your performance review real quick. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We'd love to give you a promotion. There's just nothing available kind of at the next level. Sure. Kind of every other planet is already being like held in the sky.

I could be like the God of War or

Yeah, the problem with that is the old God of War would have to die.

Oh, I could be... I took in college, I took one year of nautical studies, so I could be the guy who takes the boat, the ferry across into hell.

Oh, okay. Karen.

Karen.

Yes. Yeah.

Oh, her. I'm so sorry. I could be the woman who... You know what? I've never asked.

They just said Karen and I said, Karen, welcome.

I'm sorry to interrupt. Icarus is on line three. He seems pretty upset.

Who's on line three?

Icarus.

Icarus.

He seems pretty upset.

He seemed to, it did, okay.

You asked him to fly into the sun. Something must have happened.

When you took the call, did it sound like he was plummeting?

Um, it sounded like a whooshing and like a scream.

Great. Keep him on hold for like 30 more seconds. Okay. And it'll kind of resolve itself. It'll resolve itself. Thank you.

Oh, hi Atlas.

Hey.

All right, I'm going.

You know what, Atlas, this is crazy. I think I'm going to. We've been wanting to let go Hermes, the messenger god, because they don't really get screening calls, you know, and it's like, just because you can move fast and deliver the message.

Hey boss, your mother's on line one whenever you're ready. I told her. My mother? You're excited to talk to her.

Wings on the shoes. What does that do for you? You're not flying.

Cool style. Also, my shirt has a rose. I said it first, bitch. Can't catch me. Roadrunner. Nice try, assholes.

Paints a big tunnel.

Runs through it.

Either I'm wild or left in my place.

Olivia.

Come on. Maybe Maurice or a cowboy from space. Dressed in a colorful hat.

Where the Olivia Wilde things are? Where the Olivia Wilde things are?

Maurice Sendak, isn't that the guy who wrote... Yeah, this is... Your word associating in your head. It's firing in all cylinders. Let's come safely back to one. JBC started the poison train and everyone jumped on.

Either I'm wild or left in my place.

Maybe Maurice or a cowboy from space. Dressed in a colorful hat, obsessed Dressed in a colorful hat, opposed to a bat, Jared did me a disgrace.

Subway.

We both.

Joker.

The Joker.

Yeah, Joker.

Is it Joker?

I'm a Joker.

I'm a Joker.

I do want to see a scene. Jared Harris played the Joker? Wait, what? Who's Jared Harris?

Let's go on a break.

I'm trying to think of another famous Jared. Jared Harris is a character actor.

I do want to see a scene. JPC, you're a king of some far off land. Erin, you are the new, the Joker was killed by the king, and you're the new Joker. This is your first day on the job.

So I think a big part of learning how to please me and learning how to know what I like and what makes me laugh is like getting to know me. So don't expect to be the funniest joker that you could be today, okay? You have, there's like a, you get like a whole week to kind of ease into being a joker.

Great, a whole week? I got a whole week.

So just like, you know, maybe just like... A knock-knock. What? We don't... What? You are the inside.

Who, uh, okay, well, can't do that if you do it.

My liege, should I behead the jester?

Okay, this is funny.

This is like an Adam Sandler thing. We have Adam Sandler here.

Oh, okay.

Yeah. Xabadu. Yeah.

Oh, okay. Yeah. You like that kind of thing. Xabadu.

Xabadu. Who am I?

I am the king, and we have Adam Sandler here. Who am I?

Is this Bornet? Are you doing Borat? My wife. Sasha Baron Cohen is no Adam Sandler.

Bart?

Sharpen the sword or whatever. Just get on stage. You said I had a weeb on. That's my leash. Normally people get a week. Why don't you riff for a little while? Crowd work. Crowd work. Yes, do crowd work. Jokery crowd work.

Hey everybody, welcome to this room. When I do a cartwheel, it makes a little bell sound. That's a fun fact about me. She's a lich. Now hold on, hold on.

Okay, now I'm on board. Yeah, it's more than I understand.

Okay, okay, let me start over. Hey everybody, thanks for coming out to this big hall that has candles on the side. Anyone's first time here tonight? Anyone here on a date? Me, I'm here on a date.

This is Mark. He's also the new executioner.

Uh, great. Um, what do you do for a living, Mark? Oh. Execute. You're an executioner. Um, 101 executioners.

That's how I met my wife.

Oh. Oh.

But then I killed her. Now I'm on a first date.

All right. 101 executioners roll into a bar. Bartender says, I can't serve executioners here.

Alcohol is illegal in this kingdom.

Okay. Sex with me is like sex with an executioner. I'll give you head. What? What? I'll give you head and everyone will gasp.

Okay, you're staying. I like what I like.

And I'm wearing a white shirt with a rose on it. Scene.

Scene. Oh, Erin, sex with me like an executioner. I give you head and everything else. Pretty good. Give you head in a basket.

What was I talking about? I was doing riddles.

We solved that one. JPC solved it, right? Joker. Joker, yeah.

You might see me on a mound, or perhaps in a fridge I am found. If you speak with a twang, I'm a thing you could hang. Call to ball if I aim toward the ground.

You got it one line in. Fan on a mound? I mean, what's fan on a mound?

I'd like to see a scene. A sermon and a pitcher, that's it. Yeah, you're right. JPC, you're a catcher. Adal, you're a pitcher. And you guys are doing that little combo that they have on the mound.

Hey, can you be honest? Sure. Are my pages slow? They're so slow.

They're so slow. You've actually gotten a few strikeouts because I think they're anticipating them being like way faster.

Yeah. Something going on? Yeah. I just feel I took one of those personality, one of those buzzfeed tests. Okay. And I got it was the Sopranos one. Oh, sure. And I got that I'm a Janice. And I feel like Janice is kind of a mess.

Yeah.

And I thought I'd get like a Furio or something.

Sure, no. That's why I don't even, I won't even take those.

You've never taken a BuzzFeed test? Honestly, that is such a Charlotte thing to do.

Honestly, I took the Which Smurf Are You one and I don't even remember which Smurf. I'm not familiar with that Smurf.

There's only two. Well, there's only two in the zeitgeist, Papa Smurf and Smurfette. What? I think Smurfette was created just for the Smurfs. I don't want to get into this.

Do you want me to see if they will take you out? Do you want me to see if they'll take you out?

Let's keep stalling and see if they'll call. Yeah, just call the game.

Can I tell you, I am also... Yeah, how are you? Well, I'm not like catching a lot of the balls. I mean, you're pitching and I'm just like kind of letting them kind of like hit me or fall to the ground.

Yeah.

Because I'm so nervous that I'm gonna repeat what happened yesterday. I think as far as I know, I'm the only catcher to ever catch a live bird. That's not your fault. It is my fault. Well, I felt like I reached so far. You did. It's my fault.

Did they say it's dead? Yeah.

I just got an email.

It's definitely dead. We're the Cardinals. We're the St. Louis Cardinals.

The Byrds family's in the front row and they're wearing like little baseball hats and they're like looking and they're really nervously hoping. They give them free tickets.

That's fun. They give them free tickets and swag. Hey, go give them like an autograph.

I can't walk over there because I think I'm going to grab another one of them. It's involuntary. You know, it's like you see something out of the corner of your eyes, you grab it. You're a catcher. I'm a catcher.

You are better at catching things than 99.9% of the population.

How can they be surprised? What are you doing Thursday? Because I'm gonna need you at the trial.

Hey guys, I'm the umpire just checking in. I'm also wearing a white shirt with a rose on it. I was faster than you. Casey, run the tape. Run the tape back. I was faster. Okay, thank you to... Will. Yes, Will. He gave me permission for his few name. Will Parsons. Thank you, Will Parsons.

Thank you, Will Parsons.

These are from... We have time for a couple more?

Sure, I think so. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

These are from Greg Burns.

Let's do two of Greg's. Thank you, Greg.

And Greg is a big Casey fan.

How tall? Ha ha ha.

A big fan of your work on Neoscum and Gutter. Thank you, Greg.

Very cool, Greg.

Uh, here we go. I exist in only one place, the overlap. Remove the French, I am just livestock. Remove the livestock, I am just a nocturne. Together, I am something no one has commissioned, no one has requested, and no one can quite explain why they now know the word for. And this is something from our show. It is a Hey Riddle Riddle.

Remove the French from our episodes, you're getting 20 minutes of content?

Maybe. Remove the Italian, we have 30 seconds of plugs.

Now I want to guess things that are unique to our show.

Let me give you an outside hint. This is, I would say, when we are put in front of our peers in our trial against humanity, I guarantee you this will be one of their first examples of the harm we've done to the world.

What you're describing is the Seinfeld finale, so you think that this podcast ends with the four of us going to jail?

Yeah, and then Casey's spin-off, like the thing he does later, well, that will be the finale of his Curb Your Enthusiasm type thing.

I made a deal with the district attorney. Yeah.

I fucking knew it. This is one of the worst things we've ever done.

This is one of the worst things we've ever done?

For sure. Yeah, like really, inarguably. I exist and only one place, the overlap. Remove the French, I am just livestock. That's probably the most helpful part.

Remove the, okay, let's focus on that. Remove the French, I am just livestock.

It is a French thing. It is a French... Abattoir.

Freedom fries. French fries.

Fries. It's something that is, it's like a proper noun. Question.

Question. Pierre.

Pierre won imports. Pierre. No, it is a... Eiffel Tower.

Jean-Luc.

If you're thinking to, something you can hold in your hand rather than maybe a piece of art or work.

Renoir.

Can't hold it in your hand.

You can't it's a piece of art that you can't hold in your hands on French.

Yeah, so what's art? What's something that's artistic that you can't hold in your hands, but it's a different sense imagination Come with me and you'll see and you can hear it.

That's It's French art that you can hear, but you can't hold.

Yeah, you can play.

Oh lame is no not lame is that was great.

It's a I actually don't even know if this is written by a French person, but the title is French, and it's a piece of music.

Oh, Claire de Lune.

Yes.

With the pig orgasms.

Yes, it is. A pig orgasm set to Claire de Lune. Casey, hit it. No, no.

Just kidding, kidding, kidding. Can you read that riddle one more time? I want to think about a pig orgasm the whole time you're reading it.

I exist in only one place, the overlap. Remove the French, I am just livestock. Remove the livestock, I am just a nocturne. Together, I am something no one has commissioned, no one has requested, and no one can quite explain why they now know the words.

Do you think if we dug up Debussy and put headphones on him, and then once he stopped screaming because of technology, and played him with the pig orgasms, do you think he'd be like, that's awesome that I'm still relevant? Or would he be like, this is, I did nothing?

What if we go back in time, we get him before he writes Clair de Lune, and we give him Clair de Lune with the pig orgasm, and he goes, I have a great idea that he comes back with a symphony and it's just the pig orgasm. What if we already did that?

What if we already did that and that's what Clair de Lune is? I cut out the bullshit.

Can you imagine the one guy in the orchestra back then playing the pig orgasm where he's like, can I get two minutes for him to reload?

He's standing up on the stage, hands up, little conductor thing in his hand.

I came unbidden, wild and loud A burst of pride before the crowd A single beat, then silence fell Not from a bell, but just as well I am no word you'd write or spell, but once I rang, a dream turned hell. What am I? Truly one of my favorite riddles we've ever had on the show.

Beautifully written.

I came unbidden, wild and loud, a burst of pride before the crowd. A single beat, then silence fell. Not from a bell, but just as well. I am no word you'd write or spell, but once I rang, a dream turned hell. What

So is this, Erin, is this like one of your sound effects that you've done on the show?

This is a sound effect.

It's a sound effect.

Is it the... This would be, if we had a finale, speaking of Hey Riddle Riddle finale, this would be... Oh, here we go!

Is it when Adal stepped on the rat when he was wearing flip-flops?

No, but that, if we do have a finale, that sound is... One of the all-time sounds that exists. I would say that this is probably our number one most associated sound with the show and if we had to read a last riddle on the show I'd probably have it be this. Howard Dean's Green.

Casey had it too. I could see it in Casey's eyes. He knew it was Howard Dean's Green.

I wish I could play it.

The one time we're in person and we can't play Howard Dean's Green.

We can read it one more time with that in mind.

I came unbidden, wild and loud, a burst of pride before the crowd. A single beat, then silence fell. Not from a bell, but just as well. I am no word you'd write or spell, but once I rang, a dream turned hell.

If us talking about the Howard Dean scream led to that poetry, then it will have all been worth it. Casey, can you also make the song Hey Ya, but replace the ya with the Howard Dean scream? Yeah, that's pretty easy.

Can you play Clair de Lune, Pig Orgasm, and Howard Dean scream at the same time?

Yeah. The note ends humanity. This is the horn blow that ends all of existence.

This is like a psychopath test, like, to see if Casey will do it so that we can have him officially committed. Okay, well, thank you. Thank you so much, Greg, for submitting. That was truly beautiful. Yes. Was it Greg? It was Greg, right?

Yeah.

I've been calling you Greg, so if it's not, that's what it is now.

It's me, Greg. Thank you, Greg.

What do we have to plug? Does anyone have anything?

Erin, do you want to plug whoever made that? What company makes that shirt?

Farm Rio. I don't know if I can ever give them my business again because it will fully take up a complete real estate of time in Haverhill.

It's just all backfiring. Every time you give them business, they lose business. So it's like it's not good for them.

Yeah. So you can check out Quality Time, which is a show I host in L.A. that I'm really proud of and love. It's once a month and you can follow us on Instagram to see our lineup and the dates. Adal, anything to plug?

I want to plug Casey's podcast, the aforementioned Gutter and Neoscum.

Yeah, when this comes out, World News Tonight is ending their run at IOW, but we have one, technically we have two more shows for when this comes out, but I'm only going to be in the last one. So if you want to see me in the final World News Tonight show at IOW, it'll be on May 30th, 7.30, or I'm sorry, yeah, 7.30 at IOW. You can find out how to get tickets. You go to the website or whatever and buy them. They're there. But come and see the World News.

Definitely go see that. I love World News so much.

One of the final ones at IOW. We might take the show somewhere else, but not at IOW. Okay, that's all. I think that's all I have to plug. And since we're in person, I just don't have a review to read.

Erin, Atlas, of course, holds up Earth. But there's a certain god named, I want to say, Gooey Tony.

Gooey Tony!

Who holds up another planet. Erin, do you know what planet that is?

Jupiter, hot dog, white shirt with a rose on it.

Gooey Tony would hold up planet hot dog.

I think that's funny. What if the shirt was a hot dog instead of a rose?

Are you on board with that? Honestly, yeah. Shut up! Honestly, yeah. I'm outta here.

Number one seller, we all wear that constantly.

If I saw you showing up wearing a shirt that had a hot dog on the collar, you are now known for hot dogs. So like that would make so much sense to me. I'll buy you a hot dog shirt, baby.

I'll buy you something nice, baby. I'll buy you a hot dog shirt.

And cover it with ketchup and mustard.

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