Which Riddle Riddle?

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1, 2, 3, 4. Hey Riddle Riddle. Adal JPC, you can stand under my umbrella with me if you're getting wet. You don't have to stay out in the rain. You can stand with me. No, no, no.

It's fine.

Don't be a martyr. You're shivering.

No, no, no, Erin. It's okay. We'll just stand out here in the rain and even though we weren't really dressed for the weather.

I have a gigantic umbrella. It's really no trouble.

No, no, no, no. We don't want to be a bother. We don't want to crowd. We don't want to impose, you know.

Oh, oh, just got struck by lightning. Oh, oh, oh, got it. I was holding hands with you. That's smart.

Oh, geez.

Yeah, should we have done something else? I'm sorry. I feel like I forced you guys to come sky watching.

Erin, to sky watch during a storm is so romantic, so event.

Yeah, Erin, I'm having such a good time, and I am so glad that you picked our monthly outing. We're certainly out, and it's certainly whatever month this is.

Great, so you guys are having fun. Because I just feel like in the past, every time I pick the monthly outing, someone gets hurt, someone complains, you guys don't really love it.

Is fun short for something? Because I want to make sure when you say, are you having fun? I'm like, yeah, I'm having fun. Fuck you. Now.

I think yes, fun short for fuck you now? Hmm, I don't know.

I guess that I am having fun. Erin, I am realizing now that you said it, that every time you pick the outing, one of us does kind of get hurt. I think I'm the fourth or fifth Adal we've gone through.

Yeah, but you're... Okay, we don't have to... No, that's fine. You're right. No, no, let's just go to like a diner or record an episode or something. We'll do something else. Let's do a main feed. We'll do a main feed. We're all here together. We don't have to watch the...

So we're just ditching diner, huh? That sounded like a fun idea.

I know that warm waffles sound like, ugh, right now. After the storm.

Yeah. So let's do a main feed. I always order my waffle warm. Leave it to the side of the heat lamp for three or four minutes and bring it right out to me.

Oh, waffles sound so good right now. Oh, a nice plate of waffles. Oh, really nice. I also love a heat lamp.

Do you think you could get a heat lamp installed in your own kitchen? Get a heat rock?

I want a heat lamp and I want to like lay under it. Yeah, like a lizard. Like a lizard, yeah. But we can't get what we want. Nope. Don't go in the diner, guys. Go in the studio. Stop trying to get in the diner door. Go to the studio.

Erin, this isn't sausage. This is a microphone.

Quit pulling on that. Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop!

Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop!

Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop!

Stop!

Stop!

Stop!

Stop! Stop!

Stop! Stop!

Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop!

Stop!

Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop!

Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop!

Hello. Me next, me next.

And that's JPC over there.

Say his name. And that's Erin Keif.

Erin Keif, how are you?

I am here. It is a Wednesday when this episode comes out. It is April and I'm thriving.

Explain. I love that for you, Erin.

Yes. Thriving. Thriving, not surviving. Turning over a new leaf. And the leaf is poison ivy, and now I have a rash, and I'm just as bad as I was before. How are you guys doing?

Erin and I went to Target the other day and I was with my kid and we were using the bathroom and my kid finished using the bathroom and we're in a stall and I started using the bathroom and my kid, who just points out everything and like says it, just kept saying, Dada has a penis, Dada has a penis, Dada has a penis, over and over again. And I was just like, yeah, I do, I do. And then I got out of the bathroom and there was another guy in there and he looked at me, he like made eye contact with me and I said, it's true. And he looked away really quickly and didn't say anything to me. And I thought, that's kind of rude, isn't it?

I am on the side... Wait, which one of you said it's true and which one of you looked disgusted? Because I'm on the side of whoever... I didn't say disgusted.

And who said Daddy has a penis? Wait, you know what? My kid wasn't with me. All right. You were just humming a little song?

I knew we'd get to the bottom of it.

Daddy has a penis.

Daddy has a penis. Daddy's little penis.

Um, you guys, that exact same thing happened to me in a Target bathroom.

What is it about Target bathrooms?

Trying to connect with you guys, trying to have anything in common. Adal, how are you?

Oh, you know.

Okay, perfect. Um, well, never asking that question again.

Shady has a penis. Gestures to whirl around.

Yeah, I'm never making that mistake of asking how we are. That was a huge mistake. Well, then let's just do the premise of the show. Riddles, puzzles, lateral thinking problems, intercut with silly improv scenes.

Oh, did you say intercut, Erin?

Oh my God, is your butthole not supposed to be freezing? I hate the laugh at the end of that one. That's the humiliating part. Like, that makes me feel kind of sick.

What do we think the coolest part on the human body is at any given time?

My butt, my butt is freezing.

Erin.

No, my butt cheeks. Is it really? Yes. Are your butt cheeks not like constantly so cold? No.

Your feet are probably, hmm. I'm usually wearing pants.

Behind the ear? I think maybe my fingers. My fingers are maybe get the coldest of anything. If I'm in a cold, like my fingers don't get cold, but if I'm in a cold space, since they're like the things that I'm not usually wearing clothes on, Um, like walking around in winter in Chicago, it's, I, when the weather gets so nice that you don't have to wear gloves anymore, that's, that's, that's the ticket, the meal ticket right there. But some days I'm like, oh, 35, I can walk outside in 35 with no gloves. And I'm like 20 minutes in, I'm like, I should have worn the fucking gloves.

Yeah, why not?

Yeah, I should have done it.

I bet her eyes are probably room temp.

Yeah, whatever room you're in, that's the tip of your eyes are.

Okay, I'm having a new thought. Never thought about that before. What do I got?

Well, I have a thermometer, an eye thermometer. Technically a meat thermometer, but what are eyes if not nature's meat? They're meat eggs.

Yuck. Yeah, they're meat eggs, Erin. Skip ahead 30 seconds, everybody. We'll try to be better.

Now you're telling them too? So that means I can talk about meat eggs for 30 seconds?

Yuck.

Were you guys, I don't know if you, you, yeah, you must have been in Chicago at the time. At some point, I can't remember when it was, there was a such a cold temperature outside that the news literally said, if you go outside, keep blinking because your eyes might freeze.

Oh yeah, I was there for that.

The frozen ice thing.

People's doorknobs were freezing shut.

I remember during that, my roommate at the time went to Wingstop, walked to Wingstop, and came back with his Wingstop, and he was not wearing socks. And I was like, what? Did you go out without wearing socks? And he was like, I had shoes on. And I was like, you're not long for this world.

Not great.

Your toes are fucked.

It was colder in Chicago than it was on Pluto or something.

That's fun. That's fun. It's fun to be cold.

It's fun to be cold.

This is the first time we've ever run out of things to talk about.

It got so cold this year in Chicago that for the first time ever, one of my pipes froze in my wall, which was an absolute bummer. It's something I do not recommend.

But how are you supposed to sing if your pipes are frozen? Ooh, gorgeous. Someone got it fixed.

They recommend that when it's really cold, and you have pipes that are at risk of freezing, that you leave your tap running a little bit because moving water, I guess, is harder to freeze than still water or whatever. That makes sense. Or whatever. And I did all of that, and still one of my pipes froze, but it was a pipe connected to a toilet. And I was like, was I supposed to just be flushing it all night? What was I supposed to do here? I don't know. I don't know. But yeah, I don't recommend it. Is that hard to fix? It's hard if it bursts. If it bursts, it's really bad. If it just freezes and then unfreezes, it's fine. But if you have to cut a hole in your wall to unfreeze the pipe, then you have to... Well, you can do what I do, which is now have a hole in my wall. But also, that part is not... It's not hard to fix, but it's like you have to do that. You have to put the wall back eventually.

And when they unfreeze the pipe, are they just putting a hairdryer on it? What's the move?

It's not a hairdryer. It's not like a blowtorch, but it's like that. If your pipe is exposed, if you can see the pipe, you can just use a hairdryer. And they say put a piece of tinfoil or a baking sheet behind it so it doesn't mess with anything behind it as you're unfreezing it. Space heater, they say, works, but if your pipe is in a wall, You kind of have to cut the wall open and then, you know, use a heat gun on it.

Erin and I might be a bit of a romantic, but I just give the frozen pipe my hoodie.

Oh my god, that's so sweet.

Yeah, no big deal.

And then they wear it around like school so people can tell you two are going steady.

Oh my god, is that Adal's hoodie?

Oh my god, they must be hanging out.

If, you know, if I want to heat the pipe up, and I don't mean to be old-school about it, but I just work the nipples, work the neck.

I was gonna say, I was like, oh my god, Casey, is it too late to beep whatever he's about to say? And then I was like, maybe it won't be bad.

It was! JPC, can we get a clean take of you saying pipe nipples?

Can we get a clean take of you not signing on at all today?

Pipe nipples. Why does this pipe cleaner have nipples? Hey, yuck.

Yuck.

Hey, Erin. Okay, we can stop talking about nipples anytime you want to start talking about riddles. So that's on you.

No, it's not.

Oh, is it not?

I'm not Old Man Puzzles. And don't fuck with me. You are. You absolutely are. I said at the beginning of this, if I... Are you serious? Are you serious? At the beginning of this, I said, I'm not Old Man Puzzles today, right? When? Because of the calendar. At the beginning. And the GBC said no. And I said, thank God, because I was paranoid.

I don't remember having, did you have this conversation in your fucking mind?

With you! I said, I'm not old man puzzles today, right?

No, I did not say that.

I said that.

I did not have this conversation with you. I don't remember hearing this.

And then you said no. And then I said, oh good, because I was paranoid that I was.

Am I losing chunks of time?

I feel crazy I originally, I have it marked on my calendar when to start sourcing riddles for episodes that I'm on. And so things got moved around and that's why I got paranoid. I went, I'm not old man muzzles today, right? And then he said, no.

Well, what I would recommend you do, Erin, instead of using whatever system that you're using, use the system that is the system that everyone else uses, and then you'll never get confused.

I know, but I originally used the system that we used because I wasn't supposed to do today. We're keeping all of this.

Okay, let's get creative. Erin, maybe we make fun of what you're wearing.

Okay.

Maybe that's the episode.

Okay. Jeans. Let's see.

There's a logo on the shirt. Erin, what do we have here?

It says salty. It says salty. What can we do about that? Okay. And we need about 45 minutes.

It's going to have 45-ish minutes on salty.

Salty crew neck and a pair of jeans. Okay.

Oh Erin, is that, did you need to wash the sweatshirt? Do you need to wash the sweatshirt? Is it salty because you need to wash it?

Erin's heading out, so what to do, what to do. I wish I knew. I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 4. There's three. What else? What else?

Keep going. Spin your wheels.

Spin your wheels. Why do I have to spin my wheels?

Well, the good news is, thank God I have got plenty of riddles for us. No problem.

Crisis averted.

I am sitting at a table. Ten flies are on the table. With one swat, I kill three flies. How many flies are left on the table?

We should have gone to the diner. Erin, I want to say no flies, because the minute you smack the table, the rest are going to head out.

Now, Adal, normally I would agree with you, but she didn't say living flies. These are dead flies, and I'm going to say seven. Unless you hit the table so hard that it jostles a couple of dead flies off the table, so to be safe, I'm saying five.

Yes, we have had a similar riddle to this before. JPC, no, that is not a yes. I'm saying yes to Adal's correct answer.

What? What the fuck? You can't say yes after my answer.

You guys are two flies, and there's a third fly there, and you're talking about whether or not that fly is dead or is being very, very still.

Go touch it.

Maybe go touch it. You go touch it.

Go touch it?

Is he sick? Holy shit, maybe- I don't know, man. No, maybe he knows something that we don't know, because all the humans are leaving him alone, you know?

I don't know, man. He's on his back. His legs are sort of curled in. We'd all love to be on our back with our legs curled. Maybe you just got fucked so good. Maybe. Hey, maybe.

You ever roll off another fly and you just, like, can't even move? Like, you're not even thinking about anything else? Oh, yeah.

Maybe that's what's going on here, you know?

Uh, maybe. I feel like... I'm gonna go barf on him. I'm gonna go barf on him.

Wait, we were supposed to eat together.

I'm not gonna eat him, I'm just gonna use my barf.

Okay, you're just barfing on him but you're not gonna eat him? Troy, where have I heard this shit before?

Dylan, Dylan, one time.

Baby, baby, I was just barfing on him because I thought he was dead.

You're such a fucking asshole. Every time we barf it's not just to eat, sometimes we barf It's mostly the eat. It's mostly the eat. It's mostly the eat.

The fly lights a cigarette and starts smoking. It was a sex thing.

It's kind of a delayed cigarette for a sex thing.

Holy smokes. Hey, hey, buddy, are you okay? Are you okay? No, this is a death rattle.

Oh, I was just air escaping. Two rich men, now bankrupt, came across each other one day. After exchanging greetings and catching up with what had happened in their lives, they compared how much money each had. The first one had $80 and the second one had only $42. However, two hours later, between both of them, they had more than $84 million in cash. None of them had inherited anything, won the lottery, or received payment for a debt or loan. How could this be?

They lived in America.

Adal, and I love that kind of commentary. Any more? You got any more in the barrel?

Where rich people simply will never fail.

Okay, is this one of these things where these guys are in some sort of like hands on a hard body competition and they just won an $84 million Ford F-150?

No.

Damn it. But that can still happen, right? Because I really need this truck. At certain moments. It can really change things for me.

Get your hands off that truck and focus.

I love just being in a parking lot, having your hands on a card, being like, I'm here to win this. And someone's like, please, please get off my car.

Hey man.

Hey man, you gotta leave.

No one's giving away a 2012 Toyota Celica in this parking lot, brother. You gotta go.

Also, I don't know if I mentioned, these are all from a book that Sammy gave me. So thank you so much, Sammy, for the kind note in the sweet book.

So-so.

So-so, yep. So-so.

The book's so-so. Same here, so-so. Same here, so-so. Erin, are the dollars, you said dollars, right? One had $80, one had like $42 or something?

Yes.

Are the dollars some sort of like rare $18, $42 that's worth money?

Adal, that's a really, really great guess, and I would even go as far as to say better than the actual answer, but that is not the answer.

Is the answer one of these things where it's like they pulled their money and they bought some collectible dolls and now they have like 84 million doll hairs or whatever?

No, but it's one of those tricky, sneaky kind of answers.

Is it the $40 and the $80 that they have? Or $42 and $80?

Yeah, but these numbers are, I think... They don't matter? They don't matter.

Okay, but is that money that they have, that's like, we'll say like American dollars, American currency?

Sure, but that again doesn't matter.

Okay. Is the 84 million that they have American currency?

Yes.

Okay. Wow. Can you read the Brittle one more time?

Yeah, this is the most helpful part, I think. However, two hours later, between both of them, they have more than $84 million in cash.

Okay. So they stood somewhere. They went to a museum. The Museum of Cash. They looked at some Van Gogh and stood on either side of it, and that's what happened.

You're very close. One was standing at... Go ahead.

They were working for the Joker in that scene in the movie where he has that big pyramid of cash and they were standing on opposite sides about to light it on fire.

You're very close. One was standing at the main door of a bank and his friend was standing at the back door. There was $84 million in the safe at the bank.

Wow.

Therefore, between both of them, they had that amount of money. I'd like to see a scene.

I call BS on there ever being $84 million. It's like a bank safe.

Or maybe with like jewelry and stuff, other valuables.

Yeah, I guess so. Yeah, cash value. Safety deposit boxes. Sure, sure. Maybe it's Fight Night in Terry Benedict's Casino. We don't know.

I would like to see a scene. You guys are two bank robbers.

Okay.

And you both, your plan guy got killed during the last bank robbery. So you guys are really don't know what to do. You're both kind of just standing there aimlessly.

I wish the brains were still around. Yeah, man, he was so smart.

He was so smart.

Top-notch brain. I mean, he just, from A to Z, he had it all planned out. Everybody in the bank is looking at us.

Should we say something?

Oh, take off the mask. Mask after. Mask after we pull out the guns. Oh my god. Where's my gun? Where's my gun? Where's my mask?

Shit. Let's just start. Let's just start and maybe the muscle memory will kick in. We're not here for your money, we're here- No, we're- Hold on, we're here for the- Oh! I just got punched in the face! Oh, I'm so sorry, I was swinging. I was swinging wildly while I was talking. It's totally- Excuse!

Hey, welcome to the bank. Can I help you guys?

Yeah, we're here for our money, not the bank's money.

Oh, great. Um, I just need you to fill out this form of how much you would like to withdraw. Just make sure you add your number and I'll take your ID whenever you get a second.

I don't have a pin. Do you have a pin that I could borrow?

Oh yeah, of course we have a pen, but it is attached to this string, so.

Okay. Come on, both of us, both of us.

One, two, three.

Please don't try to steal the pen. It really is stuck in there really well. We have free bank pens. Here you go.

Oh, thank you. Do you also have... Is a free bank gun a thing? Or like a gun on a little chain? Do you have one of those at the bank?

Uh, no. No, of course.

It'd be too easy. Do we look like we have guns, though? Would you take us on our word? No? Okay. Let's look around the room. Let's use whatever, like a MacGyver. MacGyver, yes. Okay, so let's see. I'm seeing there's a lot of people. Okay, yeah, you could make like a people sandwich.

We're trying to just keep the line moving. Is there anything else I can help you gentlemen with today?

Are you doing anything tonight? Josh Danielson, you go. Are you as good with addresses as names?

We are going to get out of here. I get off work at five. How are you at getaway driving?

By that I mean just driving us somewhere.

Yeah, I have a car. Should we all grab a drink or something after work? No one really tries to connect with me here at the bank. This is a real treat.

Yeah, I guess we could grab a drink. Hey, hey, I think that this person could be our new brain. They obviously have some sort of bar heist in mind.

Yeah, and she keeps pushing something underneath the desk.

All right, everyone's down on the ground. We're robbing this bar.

Ah, shit. Ah, shit.

All right, you guys, this next one is crazy. I've actually been looking forward to

Do you think, Erin, that I will have an advantage getting this riddle because it's crazy?

Yeah. I actually do.

I'm coming home.

Coming home. Tell the world I'm coming home. Adal, your brain is mostly normal, and this isn't a pun, so you might be at a little bit of a disadvantage here.

Shit. Alright, Adal, we'll try. We'll try our best. That's all we can ask for.

I'm going to read to you a phone conversation.

Uh oh, this better not be one of mine. Get the bleeps ready.

May I speak to... May I speak to the director? Who's calling? John Ramaninch, I beg your pardon, could you spell your last name? R as in Rome, O as in Oslo, M as in Madrid, I as in Innsbruck, I as in what? Innsbruck. Thanks. Please go ahead. N as in gnome. This does not make sense. Why?

Now, JBC, of course, Erin sometimes, instead of reading riddles, reads her little plays she's writing.

And then I get honest feedback.

Erin, it's definitely writing.

Okay, so, Nome... Wait, Nome... Is it all cities? Because isn't Nome a city in Alaska? But is it GN? No.

I assumed it was GN, but I don't know.

I think, I think Gnome the Creature is GN, but Gnome the City in Alaska is not that?

Yeah, it's not about the spelling of Gnome.

It's not about the spelling of Gnome.

So, Erin, at the end you said this conversation is wrong? Why? Or would you say?

Yeah, this does not make sense. Why?

Yeah, that's the problem is because Most of

I'm

And that's the way that no one gets confused, because they're not hearing my name ever, they're just seeing it spelled, but I would never go with like cities like this, right? Because that's what this person's doing, they're doing cities?

Yeah, that is stupid, but not the point of the riddle.

That's not the point of the riddle.

I have to do Keif, K-E-I-F as in Frank, because F sounds like S on the phone.

I do this, I say R-I-F as in Frank, A-I.

Yep.

Can you read the riddle? AI as in we're all fucked. As in we're all fucked. Can you read the riddle one more time?

May I speak to the director? Who's calling? John Rom... John Rominch.

Rominch.

I beg your pardon? Could you spell your last name? R as in Rome. O as in Oslo. M as in Madrid. I as in Innsbruck. I as in what? Innsbruck. Thanks. Please go ahead. N as in gnome. I truly don't understand this one. I'm going to read you the answer, and then we can try to suss out. Then the riddle really begins.

I was going to say, this will be the first time that we read the answer, and then we have to solve it.

The phone operator was trying to get the spelling of the man's last name. Therefore, it makes no sense to ask, I as in what? The operator had already understood it was an I. Well, here's the thing.

I picked up on that, but I also just assumed she didn't hear the word. I picked up on the fact that she said I back to him, which means she clocked it, but then I just assumed she was curious what he was saying for the city name. I have the same issue.

If I'm on the phone with someone and they're using cities like this to spell their name, I'm also going to be like, what? What's that? Because you would never say Innsbruck because it sounds like an in, right? Like I is an in, you know? This person's insane. I'd like to see a scene. And I can say that.

Adal, you are working a customer service job and you are trying to get JPC to clearly give you his last name and he's making it way harder than it needs to be.

Thank you for calling Nabisco headquarters. We try and make every smile a cookie smile. Please go ahead and let me know your name.

Hey, I'm calling back again. Am I talking to Jake? I've called back all the time. Is this Jake?

I work at a call center. There's 40 to 50 Jakes. I am a Jake.

Okay, I usually get a Jake, so that's why I'm... I just have another cookie complaint that I would like to lodge, and you have to take the complaint.

Yes, I know my job.

Okay, great. I've just been back and forth with some people before, so I always start off the call by saying you have to take the complaint because legally... Well, I'm a different person, so... Well, your name's Jake.

Hey, if someone shoves you on the subway, you can't then go yell at a barista and say... Excuse me?

Are you threatening me?

Uh, no.

Okay, good. Because I'm the wrong person to threat.

I'm sure you are.

Yeah.

Phone tough. This guy's... Hey, Jake, this guy's real phone tough.

Oh, that's crazy.

I know. I hate my job and I hate my life.

So it's too salty, this one, and one of them is a little too crunchy. So I need that noted in my file and you could look me up because I'm in... I have a file, so... I need you to say your name.

You haven't said your name.

Oh, I'm sorry, Jake. You never said your name. I just had to guess.

It's Jake. I said I'm AJ. Before I could say my name, you...

My name is German.

Okay. German what?

No, not German what? My first name is not German. I'm saying my name is German in origin.

Hans.

So if you, you, cause every time I call in, they do the same thing. So look it up by that first in your system. Cause your system does by origin, I believe. So look it up by German first before I even start getting into my name.

Our system doesn't list names by, um... Okay, fine, fine.

Are you familiar with the Cavatappi Pasta?

Um... I think so.

Longer noodles.

It's like a Fusilli?

Mmm, no. Okay, well that's not gonna be helpful. So we're gonna have to go a different direction with this. Because you're obviously not familiar with the Cavatappi Pasta because you said Fusilli, which is... Ask him if it's Cavatappi.

Hey, is it Cavatappi?

You know what, we're getting off on the wrong foot, Jake, again. Okay, you know the word pterodactyl? Are you familiar with the word pterodactyl? You probably say pterodactyl.

I'm familiar with the word pterodactyl.

Well, you're familiar with it wrong, because it's pterodactyl. So my name also has a lot of silent Ps in it, because it is, Jake, say it with me, German in origin. Jake, you must keep up. You must keep up if you were to ever know my name.

I'm gonna go to lunch. Do you want to come with me or are you still on this phone call? I'm still on the call.

Is that Jake? Is that other Jake? Is he going to lunch? Probably Subway. Six inch turkey on whole wheat. Just a guess.

I mean, that's pretty common sandwich.

I didn't know my order. It's the most common sandwich. That's why I guessed it. Listen, buddy, um... I know you probably don't have much going on in your life and so you call us up to- B-E-Z-T-Y-B B-G-W-E-Z-B-B We written that down?

Huh? What's that?

Yeah, that's the lyrics to your hold music. That's actually the key of your hold music. And I don't want to be put on hold again. So even if someone's going to lunch, you have to legally stay on the phone with me so you can take my cookie complaint down.

Okay, sir, I've just used a...

Silent alarm like in a bank? Yeah, I know.

People will be showing up to your home shortly to swap out the cookies for cookies that you might be pleased with.

Okay, well they better wear gloves and they better not have any macadamia nuts on them because I'm deathly allergic to macadamia nuts, which is nuts from a tree.

So you're allergic to tree nuts.

No, I didn't say that. I got a pesto. I'm eating pesto right now. With cavatappi?

Is he choking?

I think this is a test. I think you know how sometimes... Oh yeah, undercover boss.

I'm spelling my name. That's how it's spelled in German.

Seen.

Seen. A passenger.

I love pesto cavatappi.

Oh, hello? Can you see? Is that you? Are you talking about Cavatappi? Is it Cavatappi?

Katavappi. Cavatappi.

Wonderful. A passenger traveling by bus between Springfield and Capital City noticed- Jack Reacher.

Oh, fuck.

Never mind.

He loves traveling by bus.

A passenger traveling by bus between Springfield and Capital City noticed that due to the heavy traffic, it took him 80 minutes to reach his destination at an average speed of 40 miles per hour.

Ugh.

Get ready. On his return trip, he took the bus and it took him 1 hour and 20 minutes at the same average speed and with less traffic. Do you know why?

He walked? Is it like a one-way highway? Like, did he take a different route, basically?

These are all good questions, but no. I would love- No.

He still took the bus, and it was the same 40 mile per hour speed.

Yes.

You said both of those things.

Same speed, 40 miles per hour.

Did he overshoot it and had a double back or something like that?

No.

Was there more people on the bus and it... Stopped?

Heavier?

The rate of speed... Slow 40? You know how there's a fast 40 miles per hour and a slow 40 miles per hour?

I know exactly what you mean.

Excuse me, do you know how fast you were driving?

It was a slow 40, officer. I swear to God it was a slow 40. The 40 mile an hour doesn't change. That is consistent. So does the distance change?

No.

So the distance between A and B is the same as B and A?

Isn't this interesting? And now isn't this interesting, boys?

First trip took 40 minutes and the second trip took an hour and 40 minutes?

First trip took 80 minutes and the second trip took one hour and 20 minutes.

Wait a minute. Oh wait, that's the same thing.

It is! Now what did we learn today?

Here's the trouble with this. Would you, anytime you say a riddle that involves I'm not writing that shit down.

It's like somewhere in Arizona where like the time zones are weird or some shit like that.

There's a place in, I think, Michigan City, Indiana, where it's like, oh yeah, you cross the street and you're an hour ahead. Yeah, you're Eastern.

Yeah. Should we take a break?

Yeah, let's take a break. Let's cross the street and Michigan City and go to one of the fine wheeze doors. Finally, I've crossed through fields and I've climbed through mountains and here I am at the great temple to ask the master. Excuse me? Excuse me? Yes? How do I? What do I? How do I? What am I going to buy a car? How do I buy a car?

Ah, you've come to the right place for we are the car gurus.

Yeah, and I kind of came all this way, but then I heard that actually it's a website and I could just go to the website?

Yeah, GPC, with CarGurus Discover you can skip the filters and describe what you're looking for in your own words. Simply type what you want and CarGurus Discover instantly surfaces real listings that match your exact needs. It's so easy, you don't have to go on this long journey while you're buying a new car.

It's no wonder CarGurus is the number one most visited car shopping site according to SimilarWeb's estimated traffic data. Have you brought a offering? Yeah, I mean, I have an offering and I'm also looking that dealership mode on CarGurus app puts you in control. You can compare side-by-side, check pricing, and estimate your final cost so you can navigate the dealership with confidence. And with more than 4 million listings, CarGurus has the biggest selection of cars, so it's easier than ever to find the right car and the right deal. Honestly, I feel like walking all this way was kind of a waste of my money.

No, Mama, not a waste, Mama. Buy or sell your next car today with CarGurus at CarGurus.com. Go to CarGurus.com to make sure your big deal is the best deal. That's C-A-R-G-U-R-U-S.com. CarGurus.com, Mama.

And Casey, I know I never do this, but I'm going to need a clip of Adal saying, no, Mama, CarGurus, Mama.

Yeah, I would like one, too, for personal use.

Mama's for all.

Hey Adal, Erin, I am freaking out. Okay, so I just got an email from, uh, do you guys know Casey, the editor of the show or whatever?

Oh yeah. Sleepo?

Yeah, Sleepo. Oh my god, thanks so you know. I got an email from him that says he hasn't been paid in seven years and yeah, I'm kind of... I know that I'm in charge of all that, but between expenses and income and what's going on with the business, it's just too much for me.

Let's make it easy. Let's just use Found. Found eliminates the clutter by giving you one platform that handles it all, paying Sleepo, dealing with Found Dracula, who's sort of a Dracula that uses Found, banking, bookkeeping, et cetera, no more paying for multiple subscriptions and dealing with clunky, outdated apps.

Found identified the tasks that create the most hassle for small businesses, things like categorizing expenses, preparing for taxes, managing invoices, budgeting, waking up Sleepo, and they built an app that does it all directly from your business checking account.

Found is reimagining what business banking should be by putting your bookkeeping, invoicing, and tax tools directly into your business checking account. Plus, they have this vampire named Found Dracula, and that guy, he knows what he's doing. No guys, we don't have to keep talking about him. Found makes it easy to regain control of your business finances so you can get back to doing what you love. I personally, now that I'm using Found, my life is so much easier. I don't have to juggle multiple apps. I don't have to go chasing receipts. I don't dread tax season anymore. I have a Dracula that will suck the blood, I want to say, out of an editor who is asking to be paid.

You wanna say?

I wanna say... So take back control of your business today. Open a Found account for free at found.com. That's F-O-U-N-D dot com. Found is a financial technology company, not a bank. Banking services are provided by lead bank member FDIC. Join the hundreds of thousands who've already streamlined their finances with Found. You're getting sleep-o.

Okay, guys, I'm getting an email from the brand. They say they never authorized Found Dracula.

Oh, sorry. Yeah, I'm not official. I'm just a Dracula who uses Found.

I could swear that they wanted us to use you.

Could have sworn that they were desperate for us to do this.

I'm from bank transfer. I'm from bank transfervania.

I'm from Milwaukee. Sorry, I'm just looking at myself in the mirror. You guys, I don't think I really like my clothes right now. I think I need a spring refresh. Oh.

Erin, what kind of stuff are you looking for?

Like stylish, timeless pieces, like maybe a raincoat and a cashmere sweater that's transitional from winter to spring.

Oh, Erin, I would not wear a cashmere sweater over a raincoat. It's going to get absolutely ruined if there's rain. I'm putting it together. That's not what she meant. Okay. Erin, have you heard about Quince? Quince makes high quality everyday essentials using premium materials like 100% European linen and their insanely soft floknit activewear fabric. They have linen pants and shirts that are lightweight, breathable, and comfortable, basically the perfect layer for spring. The pants strike the right balance between laid back and refined, so you look put together without trying too hard.

Well Erin, also you silly goose, the best part about Quince is that their prices are 50-60% less than similar brands. How? You're screaming at me? Erin, please stop screaming. How? Quince works directly with ethical factories and cuts out the middlemen. So you're paying for quality, not brand markup. Everything is designed to last and it makes getting dressed easy.

I have a purse from Quintz that I have people stop me when I'm walking around LA to ask me where I get it because it looks very expensive, but it's not. It's going to like last me years and years. I also have a ring from there that I love. They've got home stuff that's timeless and awesome. Incredible rugs, curtains.

They've got baby stuff.

They've got baby stuff.

Awesome baby stuff that I purchased. It's very cute.

So why don't you do yourself a favor and refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Go to quince.com slash riddle for free shipping and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. Go to Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash riddle for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince dot com slash riddle.

Erin, you're wearing your purse. You should, um, actually you're pulling it off.

And I look incredible.

Hey Erin, hey JPC, can you guys help me figure something out? Oh sure.

Always.

I have this charge, I'll pull up my bank account here, I have this charge that says JPC tax $5,000, it's like a monthly deduction?

Oh I, yes. That should be good. No, no, I, Adal, go to your Rocket Money app and have them cancel that for you.

Thank God.

We signed up for the free trial like three months ago and then we forgot about it and I noticed it. I got like a ping from Rocket Money in my email and they let me know that I had been paying for... Lost another one to Rocket Money!

Oh man, yeah. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Unless you're me with the GPC tax and then your savings are dwindling. With Rocket Money, you can do automatic transaction categorization across your accounts, plus customizable categories and tags to reveal spending patterns and add context. Also, if you have a big event coming up, like a wedding or some monumental expense, it helps you plan and save for something like that.

The app consolidates checking, savings, loans, and investments into a single dashboard to give users a clear view of their financial picture. I've been using Rocket Money for years and years, way before they were ever a sponsor, and I love how easy it is to read and how intuitive it is.

Yeah, I love Rocket Money, but Erin, I do hate that voice. Was that JPC? It sounded like a Rumpelstiltskin type voice. Did you hear that?

Yeah.

No, so that's just like, that's a voice alert I have on my phone every time someone unsubscribes to the JPC tax. I don't know where it's from or how to turn it off.

That's kind of scary. We'll deal with that later.

Yeah. Well, let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at rocketmoney.com slash riddle. That's rocketmoney.com slash riddle. rocketmoney.com slash riddle.

Lost another one to Rocket Money!

Yeah, that's not even coming from your phone.

Yeah, is that coming from inside of our heads maybe? Yeah, like heaven maybe?

Yoiks boiks. Here we are, back from break, and we love these riddles.

La la la la la la la la la la la riddles.

ABC, you haven't been coming to music rehearsal. What are you going to sing?

You guys are still having those?

Yeah, of course. Tuesdays, Fridays, Sundays, and Mondays.

Tuesdays, Fridays, Sundays, and Mondays. Our week, of course, our week of musical rehearsal goes Tuesday to Monday.

Well, because we record on Mondays, so this is our weekend. So our week- Yeah. No, yeah. This is our Friday. Our week starts on Tuesday. Mondays are Friday. Tuesdays are Saturday. Erin, anything to add?

I'm getting warmed up. We're going to do more riddles from this book from Sammy. Is that okay with everybody?

It's okay with me.

You didn't love that last riddle.

Didn't love it.

Would you say it humiliated you?

Yeah. Publicly? Erin, we told you that on break.

Yeah.

We said don't ever do that again.

Don't do that to us. You emasculated us in front of all of our friends is how you put it.

You humiliated me Riddle Diane.

Uh, here we go.

Yes.

A man traveling in a taxi is talking to the driver. After a while, the driver tells him, you must excuse me, but I am deaf and I cannot hear a word of what you are saying. The passenger stops talking. After he gets out of the cab, the passenger realizes that the driver had lied to him. How?

He turned on the radio.

No, that's a great guess. I love that. Adal, you're doing some answers that are better than the ones. Thank you.

Did the driver take a phone call?

No.

The driver responded to a car honking behind him.

No, these are all fantastic guesses.

Did the man tell the driver where he wanted to go and the driver was like, got it?

Yes, he ended up at his destination that he had given him at the beginning of the ride.

Here's the thing, I do this and I'm caught in the lie, right? I'm like, I told him I couldn't, I was deaf. So obviously I can't take him to the right place. So I have to just drive like to a random place and let him off and be like, sorry, man, I shouldn't be doing this job.

And Erin, you said it was the cab driver who said they were deaf?

Yes.

Did the cab driver, after they dropped off the passenger, did they slam their hand against the passenger side window and on the hand it was written in pen and it said, not Penny's deaf?

Well now, well now, I would like to see a scene. JPC, you are a cab driver that's sort of at the end of your rope. Adal, you are a very chatty, enthusiastic passenger.

Wow, big city.

Whoa, big, big city. Whoa, look at that. Whoa, what is that? 20 stories?

21?

It's a tall building, yeah. Ah, forever 21. Forever young. Songs are good. Do you ever hear songs? The Beatles.

Where am I taking you?

Hey, hey, we're the Beatles. Are you a tourist? Do you have a hotel? I need to go to downtown. You're in downtown. This is downtown Chicago. Okay. Then let's have a drink. Let me just grab some Jack Daniels here. Oh, okay.

No, don't open that. I don't have glasses.

The back of your cab is

Okay, you know what? Just where are you going, buddy? Where are you going to? Oh, I know her.

I know that lady. Hey, stop real quick. Stop, stop, stop. That's a billboard.

I'm not driving you. Hey, Susie. That's a billboard.

What are you doing now? You got big. Susie, you got big.

That's Susan Sarandon.

I know her.

She's doing Pop Secret Popcorn now. Yeah, you don't.

I know her.

You've seen the movie that she was in. I imagine you've seen the Susan Sarandon movie.

Oh, alien.

Where can I take you? That's not her.

I need to go. Well, I've got to get to heaven later. Hey, what's your favorite food? Chicken or turkey? Don't ask me.

You'll give me a binary option. Okay, turkey or chicken? I guess I'm more inclined to chicken. Would you like to go to a chicken restaurant? We have good chicken restaurants here in Chicago.

Are you calling me turkey? Okay, let's do this. Roll up my sleeves. I'm gonna drive from the back.

Okay, you're just mashing your hands on the glass, buddy. We have the glass so people can't do that. I'm gonna let you out of this cab unless you tell me where you want to go right now. I'm related to Amelia Earhart.

We're both Earharts.

Okay. Well, I mean, good for you.

We miss her so much. If you have any information, please call 472-889-6247. Don't worry about it. I don't have any information. I have no information about Amelia Earhart. That was 100%. 809-311.

How's this number still going?

Stop. Stop. Just do you have an address for where you can find me? How are the numbers still going?

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.

If Mr. Beast can do it, I can do it. Where was I?

Does Mr. Beast do this? Is this something Mr. Beast does?

He counted up to a million or something. Hey listen, speaking of Mr. Beast, the zoo is where I need to pick up my baby.

The zoo?

I left my baby in the giraffe.

There's the Brookfield Zoo, and then there's the Lincoln Park Zoo. Do you know which zoo you're going?

Oh wait! Pull over, I know her! I know that lady!

Hey it's me, Susan Sarandon! Oh my god, it's so good to see you! I love this guy! Oh God, I love the Earharts. So sorry about Amelia.

I know, thank you. It happened before I was born, but it feels like yesterday. Yeah. Yesterday. The Beatles!

Hey, hey, we're the Beatles.

Mr. Riddle, don't get in.

Don't get in. Don't get into the car. Oh my God.

Where can I take you?

I want to go get brunch with my old friend Goldie Hawn. Oh my gosh, Goldie, how is she? She's huge now, she's on a billboard.

Where am I taking you? I don't know where Goldie Hawn eats brunch.

Giraffe exhibit at the zoo.

That's fine, that's where we're going.

Are you going to the zoo?

Oh. I love this guy. My God. I forgot. I'm deaf.

Wow. Shit. Why didn't you say so? Hmm.

I gotta try this more often. I feel like he responded to a lot of my stuff.

I know her.

Billboard.

That really got me. That's a billboard. I know her. That's a billboard.

I do say I know her if I do see a person that I know at a commercial. I'm like, I know them.

That is so fun seeing someone we know in a commercial.

Yeah. Even more fun seeing someone that looks like someone that you know in a commercial because you're like, oh, good for, well, good for them. Still good for them, but I don't know who they are, but good for them.

This one has a funny start to it. My friend told me the following story.

My friend told me the following story. This just sounds like whoever wrote this riddle is trying to prove they have friends.

This is not an important part of it.

Hey everyone. Just say I saw the Home Depot commercial.

It's like, you know, that was them. Have you guys ever done this? And it's like, when you see a person in a commercial and you're like, oh, great for them. Some time goes by. We don't know how time works. And then you see that person in real life and you go, I just saw you in a commercial. And they're like, oh yeah, that was like three years ago. And I go, well, whoops, I guess.

I guess we don't hang out a lot.

I loved it three years ago.

Good to see you.

Erin, what's the place you did a commercial for? Hungry Howie's? Hungry Howie's Pizza. Hungry Howie's. Can you do the commercial for us now?

I'm leaving, I'm leaving with the baby and I'm going to your mother's. Erin, did you just do the commercial? I literally think that that was a thing in it. People were kind of outraged by my commercial. Leave it to me to only be in like three commercials and have one be controversial.

Well Erin, didn't they say that it's Hungry Howies not Horny Howies and so they didn't really appreciate the way that you were doing the commercial?

I was telling the truth. That is what actors are hired to do.

Wasn't your character technically, legally baby napping?

You guys, we're splitting hairs here. Everyone's obsessed with all the wrong things. I gotta eat some pizza. Let's just relax about it.

It was weird how in the commercial they were like, I'm taking the baby across state lines or, you know, I have a passport because I'm a dual citizen so you'll never see the baby again. It was like a weird angle that it took.

I do want to see a scene. This is going to be, the two of you are presenting, this is like as if I had pressed play on a computer. This is a commercial that was cut from the Super Bowl because it was deemed way too controversial with test audiences. Commercial for pizza. The big game. Hi. This is my naked body that I've covered in swear word tattoos.

They're permanent and I can't get rid of them. That was a bad choice. A good choice would be buying affordable pizza for the whole family just in time for the big game. I'm Erin Keif and you should buy Papa John's pizza. Papa John's. Get naked and tattoo your body with the word cunt over and over.

And what better way to enjoy a Papa John's pizza than washing it down with an ice-cold glass of peanut beer. Fuck. Oh, I said penis. This is live. Oh, I said penis.

Coors Light.

Coors Light. You also said fuck.

This is not for Coors Light. Now I'm saying it. What? What do you mean it's not for Coors Light? Papa John's. It's Coors Light-Papa John's crossover.

Let me distract you with the inside of my ass. This is the inside of my ass. Papa John's Pizza. This is the inside of my ass.

There's a thing with beer commercials where I can't drink the penis, but I can pour the penis beer. Why am I saying penis so much? It's beer!

Medically, if you see anything wrong with me, I'd love if you emailed me at the email below, because I don't have health insurance. Penis beer. Bud Light for your butt.

I will never again be able to eat Papa John's without going, this is the inside of my ass, Papa John's. Hey also, after all that, still not the worst thing Papa John's has ever said. No, not at all.

And isn't that interesting?

Isn't that interesting?

Have we done the Waka Waka Riddle yet, Erin, or are we still halfway through it?

No, no, no. This is still a riddle where someone's trying to prove they have a friend. Got it. My friend told me the following story. I was drinking a Coke in a bar when a man wearing a mustache came in and ordered a glass of water. As the waiter came back with his water, he pointed a gun at the customer. The customer got startled, then calmed down and thanked the waiter. How can you explain what happened?

This man had hiccups. Hiccups.

He did. Now I want you to think really long and hard about if bringing a gun out is the most effective way to scare someone.

What are you going to do, bring a car out? You can't carry a car in the small of your back. How is a car scary? The way I drive, brother. The way I drive, brother. The way I drive?

Brother.

Brother.

A 30-year-old man married a 25-year-old woman.

Okay, hoo hoo! Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick, Rick

She's gonna be impressed that you have a bed frame so you can be shitty in every other way, Rick. Love that for you.

Rick, you have a bed frame, right, brother?

Rick. You just have a togo couch or whatever? You can afford it. You have a slightly better job than she has.

Rick, come on, man.

Come on, brother.

He's just shrugging and blushing.

Shrugging and blushing. Okay, so what's this Cradle Robin son of a bitch up to, Erin?

Okay, here's the thing. Normally we record these main feed ones first, but this is coming at the end of the day, which is why it has a Patreon energy to it. Patreon energy. Look inside my butt and let me know if anything's wrong. Casey, go ahead and clip that for daddy. Can we have non-clip privileges for one episode? No, we can't. A 30-year-old married a 25-year-old woman, Rick Rick Rick. She died at the age of 50.

God damn it, Erin, why did you let us go through that whole fucking Rick thing?

Well, wait a minute. She died at the age of 50.

And her husband was so devastated that he cried for years. Ten years after he stopped crying, he died. However, he lived to be 80. How many years was he a widower?

Fifteen lied about his age.

You don't want to think, do you? You don't want to think, do you?

He's 30, and she's 25.

She dies at 50, which means... So that's... He's 55. 25 years later.

Cried for years. 10 years after he stopped crying, he died. However, he lived to be 80.

So he's 55 when she dies. So he would have needed to be... 10 years after he stopped crying, he died.

However, he lived to be 80.

The 25, 55, 10 years, that's 65. So at 65 he started dying his hair. Was he a widow for 25 years? Is that what you said, Adal?

25, right?

Yeah, he was a widow for 25 years.

This is just math?

Yeah.

The goddamn goblin nuts on this guy!

I think they wanted you to be like, he lived to be 80.

Oh, okay.

That was what the trick was.

Well, you mathed me once, won't get mathed again, with that earlier riddle, so now I'm in a math zone, so I'm not falling for any more riddle traps, but I still didn't like having to do math in front of people.

Math and accomplished.

Big banner behind Adal says math and accomplished.

Big banana warship.

Okay. John Peterson, speaking of math. RIP to a legend. That's what I would say to a real one. RIP to a real one.

Speaking of math, John Peterson was born in Albany in 1938 on a date not divisible by two, three, or five. And in a month that does not contain the letters E or I. When does he become one year older? This is easier than you think.

Next year. No.

Erin!

On his birthday.

On his birthday.

I'd like to see a scene. Wonderful. This is a clip, like an old-timey movie clip, of what it was like to celebrate a birthday back in the 1930s and just how different it is from today. And Erin, you're the birthday girl.

All right, now that we got that over with, let's, hmm, what should we do? What should we do?

We could go pick up our guns and go bust up a union.

Hmm, we could pick up our guns and go bust out a union. We could wait in line for bread. Hmm, we could talk about how it's okay that FDR is going to be president for 12 years. Just this once though.

Some of us could vote.

Hmm, some of us. A lot of... Some of us can vote. Yeah. Oh, that's the door. I'll get it. Wait, no. I'm a woman. After you, sir.

Well, two minutes and the doors. Let me check my gender book. I guess we do.

Hello? Well, hi there, takes off hat. Can I speak to the man in the house? How'd you know my name?

What's your name?

Takes off hat. Oh! It's German.

How is that spelled?

T as in Tecumseh, A as in A-cum-seh, Z as in Zine. A as in A-cum-seh.

A-cum-seh.

I don't fucking know. I don't fucking know. I had a friend who I was in a sketch group with and I think he wrote, back in college, and I think he wrote a sketch where he was playing, like, an old Southern, like, whatever, but I don't even remember how he got to the pun, but the premise of the sketch was that he was talking about Tecumseh and he kept saying, like, Tecumseh, like, he was like, well, I need Tecumseh. And that was the gist of it.

A simpler time. I love it.

A simpler time. I can't hear Tecumseh without thinking Tecumseh.

I mean, it's perfect.

Yeah. When I lived in Columbus, Ohio, there was a place like an hour away that did, year-round, did like a Tecumseh live show with like actors and animatronics.

Like Chuck E. Cheese.

It's pretty wild. Pretty interesting. That's pretty fun. Pretty interesting stuff. So that's a name I know well.

One more riddle and then perhaps a voicemail theme and voicemail.

I love it. I think he had visions maybe Tecumseh?

Tecumseh.

Tecumseh. Tecumseh.

You're on Tecumseh. Tap me on the back of my head and I will Tecumseh.

If I pat you on the back of your head that means

You're about to cum, sir. There you go.

How much will a 38 degree angle measure when observed under a microscope that magnifies 10 times?

Oh Adal, you want me to take this one? No. I got it right here. Let me grab it for you.

I don't know, bitch.

Come with me if you want to calculate.

To cum some with me. To cum some.

Erin, I have no fucking idea. Can you... Am I... Is this a riddle that you think I could get? Yeah. You think I can get this? Okay.

Is it like all of it or something? Yes. No. The whole shebang? Is it none of it? You said a 38 degree, how much does a 38 degree angle weigh when under a microscope?

Like how, how, what, what does it measure as? What does the angle measure at when you've zoomed in 10 times?

Is it nothing because it's flat or something?

Yes, it's nothing. It's 38 degrees.

The angle doesn't widen, it just enhances. Enhance. I do want to see a scene.

Oh. Um.

We do a voicemail.

Oh my God. That was the biggest twist of the century. That is my favorite mystery of all time. That was amazing.

Can I be in the scene too, Adal? Yeah, you're going to play JBC. Erin, you're Erin. I'll be Adal. And then Casey, you'll play the person who plays the voicemail. Oh, I love this.

The role I was born to play.

Hey Riddle Riddle.

That was Dag from Sweden said, stayed up until 2 a.m. to finish it. So thank you so much Dag from Sweden. That kind of fucking rocked.

That was such a vibe. Loved it.

It's like Jamiroquai adjacent.

Yeah. Gmail is doing this thing where now like you just can't, it's AIs and everything, but now they're doing like AI suggested replies and the AI suggested reply for this just says, hey Dag, we really appreciate you staying up late for this. Sounds great. Hey Riddle Crew, my name is Misha and I'm calling from Ohio.

I have a quick question for you.

What would you say is your best idea for a cool thing to do in 2026? I'm trying to think of something

that will give me excitement about this year instead of existential dread. Bye!

Thank you so much for the voicemail. And also, go see that Tecumseh live show if it's still going in Ohio. Why not? I guess I don't really have anything of value to contribute because I'm struggling with this myself, but I'd probably say something I tell myself, which is, get off your fucking phone, go outside, get some sunlight, Connect with nature, just don't, don't spend every second looking at the news to be like, did they, did they, did someone get, did someone get, can we finally, are we able to,

Yeah, incredible. Couldn't have said it better myself. Maybe apartment switch with someone in a different city for a week or a weekend. Get to know a new place, wander around, get a little iced coffee. Feel the sun in your face again. Save up for a fun new kitchen gadget that will really open the doors for something like to cook a new type of cuisine or something that you're not used to doing. Maybe go on our Discord right now and set yourself up with a new pen pal where you guys can send each other funny cards or something. Do something that is tactile with your hands and in real world spaces.

I know what our listeners are going to do.

Don't masturbate.

Well, why not?

Well when that's over, come back here for more ideas.

Here's something that I literally did yesterday. I was cleaning out one of the cabinets in my kitchen because I wanted to make room for something else and then I was like I'm just gonna like take this project wider and you ever do that thing where like you start cleaning a cabinet and you're like oh I've had this salsa in here for seven years and it needs to go away now. While I was doing that and I found an unexpired box of brownies world's not gonna be around in seven years so make those brownies now yeah okay just make some brownies just eat some brownies my advice is eat some brownies um do we have anything that we would like to plug before we get into plugs i have something to say

Big news everyone. Big, big, big, big news. I say huge news. I say monumental news. Huge news. It is time for our third annual, that's right Erin, hum, take me out to the ballgame, it's our third annual April of the Penguins.

April of the Penguins.

So you know what that means. That means we have new merch on our page.

New teams, new merch.

Yeah, the five new teams in there. All the artwork is done by Ariel Sinha and she absolutely fucking knocked it out of the park. Incredible job. We have the Kansas City Krakens, the Olympia One Eyes, the Santa Fe Sphinxes, the Saskatchewan Sasquatches, and the Winnipeg Windigos. And if you're wondering why those don't sound like penguins, you gotta check out the Patreon. But if you don't want to check out the Patreon and you just want to buy the merch, I guess you could just fucking do that too, if you want to.

We're evolving.

Yeah.

Everyone went, oh, are they doing barnyard animals next? Oh, are they doing jungle cats?

Yeah, is it going to be like reverse humans?

Yeah, what's it going to be? What's it going to be?

And I'm going to give a little bit of a teaser. Next year, my team is going to be the New York

We've got candy marionettes, and you can try and do the math and figure out what that means.

Okay Adal, now people are going to need that t-shirt, and by people I mean me, so now you actually have to do that. I don't care if we do fucking sheep, different types of animals next year, you're doing the candy marionettes.

Enough nonsense, we've got to get back to business. Adal, is there anything you have to plug?

I want to plug Gumshoes and Dragons, a podcast that the three of us do with our friend Anthony Burch. It's a rollicking good time. It's sort of a cross between Columbo and D&D. You're going to like the way you listen. Go ahead and check out Gumshoes and Dragons. Also, better ingredients, look inside my asshole, Papa John's. Get yourself a Papa John's.

Look inside your asshole and see that Papa John's has changed.

Speaking of looking inside an asshole, come to my show Quality Time in Los Angeles. What am I talking about? You can follow us on Instagram at Quality Time Show, I think. And we have a monthly show. It's a different theme every month and I love it very much. So if you want to check it out if you're in LA, please do it.

What do I have to plug? Oh, it's Penguin Baseball League Month on our Patreon, so please listen to patreon.com slash heyriddleriddle for Penguin Baseball all month long. I want to give a plug to Gutter, which is Casey's podcast that he both edits for and is featured on, so you can check out Gutter anywhere that you get podcasts. I gotta read a review guys because I'm in the weeds here. I'm still in 2024 reading these reviews. People, please keep writing them. I love to read them. This one comes from... Alex875, 5 stars, a new kind of laughter. I recently had to have a fairly scary surgery a few months back. I'm fine now, and the only thing that made me feel safe slash comfortable enough to sleep in the hospital for the few days after was this podcast. Listening to these three goofs try to avoid riddles is so fun, and the pure chaos of their energy makes them impossible to predict. The only downside is that the surgery was on my abdomen, which meant that laughter was Physically painful, Alex. What are we doing? So I had to teach myself how to laugh without moving my stomach muscles. And it usually just ended up sounding like some kind of horrible scream. I had a great time, but I'm sure my nurses hated it. Give it a listen. Wow.

Dangerous stuff, everybody.

Can we all go out right now trying to laugh without using our stomach? Alright, let's do it.

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Hey there, PB and Ls. If you liked that, you're going to love this week's Patreon. We have Janet Vardy and Casey Toney on for the 2026 Penguin Baseball League Draft. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com. Hey Riddle Riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month. Plus you get those ad free episodes. See you there.

That was a hate gum podcast. Hi, I am Mandy Moore.

Sterling K. Brown. And I'm Chris Sullivan, and we host the podcast That Was Us, now on HeadGum.

Each episode, we're going to go into a deep dive from our show, This Is Us. That's right. We're going to go episode by episode. We're also going to pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors.

Are we going to cry? Yes. A little bit.

Often.

A lot. A whole lot. That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to That Was Us on your favorite podcast app or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify. New episodes every Tuesday.