Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum Podcast.

Oh man, guys, great episode today. Great episode. I think we're done recording though, so does everyone want to hang out or go back to our separate homes and crawl into our Helix mattresses? I'm going to bed.

I'm going to bed for sure.

I'm going to my Helix mattress to just warm up and get some Zs.

Yeah, because we all took the Helix Sleep Quiz, which matches us to the perfect mattress based on our personal preferences and sleep needs. Buying a mattress, super easy, super simple, and we all love our Helix Sleep Mattress. I love my Midnight Luxe. It is so soft. I have my Luxe. Unfortunately, we're the same guy. We all took the same quiz and we got the same mattress because our bodies have molded into one riddle being.

It hurts. It hurts. But it won't hurt when you sleep on a helix. I get so many compliments on my mattress whenever anyone comes over and watches Lou or I have guest stay. Everyone, they wake up and they immediately go, what is this mattress? It's a helix sleep, baby. It's a helix sleep.

Well, Erin, it's not just you and your friends feeling like it's a great mattress. A study found that 82% of those involved saw an increase in their deep sleep cycle while sleeping on a Helix mattress. Hey, I'm never going to use another mattress. I'm Helix sleep till I die, baby.

Well, why would you? Because they have the Happy with Helix Guarantee. You can rest easy with seamless returns and exchanges. The Happy with Helix Guarantee offers a risk-free, customer-first experience designed to ensure you're completely satisfied with your new mattress.

I've had my Helix Sleep Midnight Luxe since I moved into my house and I got to say, myself, my wife, our four cats, we all sleep comfortably on a mattress. We feel so safe and secure. It's so warm in these brutal Chicago winters. Cozy.

I'm going to go back to bed. I'm going to go back to bed.

Yeah, just thinking about my Helix Sleep mattress makes me so comfortable and sleepy.

And you should all go back to bed as well. And by that, I mean buy a mattress. With the President's Day sale, best of the web, this is running from the 2nd to the 25th. It is 27% off site wide. And that is exclusive for listeners of Hey Riddle Riddle. So go to helixsleep.com slash riddle for the President's Day sale. That's helixsleep.com slash riddle for the President's Day sale. Make sure you enter our show name after checkout so they know we sent you helixsleep.com slash riddle.

But don't take it from them, take it from me. He looks ham-flinkin'. I cannot tell asleep. At the end.

Introducing him at the end.

I gotta go.

Gotta go. He looks ham-flinkin'.

Adal, Erin, I know that the two of you have been so mad that they are not putting comedy movies in theaters anymore. Well, do I have a shocking declaration for the two of you.

Shocking?

Okay, shock you. Let me rub my socks on the carpet. I just saw Nirvana, the band, the show, the movie, and it is fucking excellent.

Hummin' a what? Huh?

Bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb

Now wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Is this the movie that Variety called, it's insane that it exists? Yes. And fandom said, gives no fucks, a movie you absolutely must see to believe? Yes. You have to see this.

A comedic miracle, says Sunshine State Complex. A comedic miracle, JPC?

Yes, so the plot of the movie is they have a plan to book a show at the Rivoli, but something goes horribly wrong and then Matt and Jay accidentally travel back to the year 2008. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. You have to watch this movie. It is only in theaters starting February 13th. Nirvana, the band, the show, the movie. It is so fucking good. I'm there. I'm there.

I'm just going to measure your waist, all right, and neck size.

Measure twice, cut once. Exactly. Hope you don't cut my neck.

Is this your first Hey Riddle Riddle that you're getting tailored?

Yes, it's actually for my cousin's Hey Riddle Riddle.

Oh wow.

I'm standing.

Congrats. Do you know where you are in the order?

I'm second or third. I know I'm not first. I have no idea where I am in the order.

Well, yeah, and you're also buying a Hey Riddle Riddle. Are you standing as well?

I'm standing now, but I hope to be seated when I'm done, I guess.

That's lovely. That's lovely. You guys are going to look great. Well, this is going to take about six weeks to measure an episode exactly to your tastes.

I hate to be a piece of shit, but the episode is tonight. Tonight?

Yeah. I also hate to be an absolute goddamn piece of human trash, but I was kind of hoping that we could get that. Like, we could leave the store with it today for the episode tonight.

Okay.

Do you have like an off-the-rack?

Oh, an off-the-rack episode. Yeah, this one is a 34B cup size. I don't know if that is to your liking.

And you holding your face with your hand, is that good for... Audio? No, certainly not. That would be bad for audio? Okay, gotcha. Oh yeah, I guess should I?

Get out of my store. Get out of my store!

Yep, that's fair. Is there a way should I speak to the back of the mic? Would that be more?

Okay. Alright, well, get out.

Maybe if I put my head around the mic, I can get some sort of feedback.

Throws worst Hey Riddle Riddle episode ever out the door, shoves you guys out the door, you land in a puddle. Hey Adal and JPC. Hey Erin.

How's the bespoke customized Hey Riddle store going?

Obviously we're going under. Obviously. Obviously we're going under.

Like uncles on their wives.

Wow. I was just going to say, like, Panic! at the Disco, we're going down, down, but that might be Fall Out Boy.

That's Fall Out Boy. That is indeed Fall Out Boy.

What does Panic! at the Disco say? Oh, they say, what a beautiful wedding.

Haven't you ever heard of a goddamn door or something?

What was the Pete Buttigieg song that was the Panic! at the Disco song? Do you guys remember this from, I want to say 2016?

Is this High Hopes?

It's High Hopes. Yeah. That was a song that I legit thought was Fall Out Boy because it sounds just like Fall Out Boy and then someone told me it was Panic! at the Disco and I was like well I guess they really are the same band.

What's this have to do with Pete Buttigieg?

Pete Buttigieg had like a dance. His like staffers had like a very cringy dance to High Hopes because that was his like campaign anthem.

I hope

I think that that High Hope song was relatively new. I don't think it can be like an old song. I think it has to be like something top 40, something in the last year, but you have to commit to it. Every campaign has to do it so it's all equal. It's the only way that you get matching funds or whatever. The only way that you get campaign funds is if you put together your campaign dance and have all of your satellite offices do it.

Now JPC, if you ever ran for, I don't know, mayor of our neighborhood or something.

Shit city.

Shit city. What would be your song? What would be your dance?

JCPC, if you ever ran for, I don't know, governor of Idiotville, if you ever decided to be the comptroller of Cocksucker Island... Or are you watching this season? Okay, well, hold on. First of all, I have to look up, I have to go to the Billboard Hot 100, and I have to see what's hot right now. Okay, so Golden is still big right now, and that is, I believe, from K-Pop Demon Hunters.

If I was a baseball player, I'd walk out to that.

Okay.

And I'd stop to every person on the way and go, have you seen this movie? It's so good, isn't it? Isn't it so good?

We also have right now, we have The Fate of Ophelia by Taylor Swift from the new Taylor Swift album.

I heard you calling on the megaphone. And then there's more lyrics after that.

Sure, after that one for sure. I listened to that album once. We have Ordinary by Alex Warren, which is a re-entry.

So that one's just popped right back up.

Alex Warren? Alex Warren. I feel like a year ago we did that episode, the JPC Reading Lyrics episode, and that one was on there as well. So really not much has changed. Erin, do you know Man I Need by Olivia Deen?

You're the man I need, you got the things to say about it.

Olivia Dean, Alex Warren, this sounds like attendance for a middle school. Where are the fun, where are the REO speedwagons?

No, it's all gone. And then we have Choose in Texas by Ella Langley. That's the top five right now. So, I don't know, tag yourself. Tag yourself. I think mine's going to be Ordinary by Alex Warren because without knowing that song, that feels like a horrible campaign message. Like, the most ordinary candidate in the world.

I'd come out to Maneater and then I'd start rumors about myself that I was a cannibal. Oh. That I would vehemently deny. Erin, baseball song, walkout, golden. What about if you're running for mayor of, let's say, a petting zoo?

Mmm. We're still having fun.

I like that. I'd vote for that.

No, it would be Beyond the Sea by Bobby Darin. That'd be fun to dance to.

Coming to America by Neil Diamond. That's another one. It's got to be a classic for running for a campaign office.

I mean, my obvious one is what I did in Boston. It's Dropkick Murphys.

Erin, is there a way to make minions, but they're from Boston?

I think they're kind of halfway there. I'm like, BANANA!

PACTICA! PACTICA! BANANA! The Minion language is like a combination of like a bunch of languages like there's like Italian and Portuguese in there as well like it's it's not there's no real languages in that. No, it is like an amalgamation of a bunch of languages. It's not like, what is it, like elvish? It's not like a Tolkien's like language that he wrote for the elves. It's like, it is just a bunch of languages.

Can you imagine if as much work had been put into Minion-ish?

There's a whole like Bible of language. Then Minion-rillion.

I want to get a ring that's engraved in Minion-ish for my wedding.

First of all, I believe it's Minionese. Sorry.

Oh, now I'm hungry. Gemma, should we order Minionese?

And for a second time, we have talked about eating Minions on the show.

What is it about us and eating Minions?

Well, Minionese, like Cantonese, is not eating Cantons. The blowback we got for implying that Minions would be savory was like nothing we've ever experienced.

I think a Minion would taste like a peep.

I don't know. I think there's meat.

So if that's true, then putting a minion in the microwave would make them explode. Is that what we say?

Does that happen with peeps? I don't know, try it. Is that what happens with people? All of the things about like putting a thing in the microwave or doing a, like putting the, oh, the candy and the Coke. What is that one? Oh, Mentos? Mentos and Coke and stuff like that. I've never done any of that. I think I've just taken a lot of that stuff for granted because none of it, I'm not a man who loves a mess and all of it sounds like a mess.

A name for your autobiography, perhaps.

I don't know that I would. I guess it's like if you were doing that to like a heated rifle or something, you could like put a peep in their microwave. Put more than a peep in their microwave if it was a heated rifle, if you know what I'm saying.

In their microwave, wink wink.

In a big wink, in a big wink.

I put a peep in the microwave before and it gets like real big. It expands. I guess it didn't explode, but it expanded to a cartoonish point. And then obviously it was inedible because it smelled like the ozone.

I was gonna say that's like a life hack of like turning 10 kids yeah Jesus Jesus taking notes yeah it's like Star Trek the next generation where they yeah put a piece of meat in the in the machine and it makes like 20 replicas passing the fish and the loaves and he's like does anyone have a microwave I have a cool trick I have to wait another nineteen hundred and fifty years the fuck let me eat peeps Well, we're not here to eat Peeps.

That's what I'm here for.

Are there going to be no Peeps? Wait, hold on. I'm just learning that there's no Peeps.

I do think Peeps should be year-round. I guess they make Christmas Peeps, right?

Peeps are gross, guys. Let's not pretend.

We don't have to fake that we like Peeps. I genuinely like Peeps because I like marshmallows, but I do put it in there with like, Circus peanuts or Cadbury eggs where it's like, I crave them and then I take two bites and I'm like, I never want to see this again.

Have you ever made a s'more with a peep?

No.

Me neither. But I thought maybe someone would. You can roast a peep out of fire.

Is it because peeps are like an Easter treat and s'mores are like a fall treat so it's like spring and fall so like if you had a peep left over it would probably be bad by the time you went to make a s'more out of it?

Peeps will last for 40 years. Unless you microwave them.

Adal, you are running the Seasonal Candy Summit, just to sort of go over, like, the meat, like, the year and what we want to accomplish.

All right, everyone. Thank you. Thank you, Chocolates. Now let's hear from our Confectionary Division. Barb, Alan, what do we have coming up for 4th of July?

Um, okay, I got this. Candy corn used to just be for Halloween.

Alan looking at the teleprompter and she's not reading any of the words that they agreed on.

Something else is three colors.

The flag?

Exactly. You said it, not me.

Red, white, and blue candy corn?

Red, white, and blue candy corn. Next slide.

Sorry, Brax did that in 1997 and they went bankrupt.

Oh, but next slide please. The next slide is just like red, white, and blue popsicles. I don't have slides for this. What do you mean? What are you doing?

Help. Okay, those are just pom pops.

You were supposed to go on about the history of the bomb pop so we could reveal the new ice cream pop.

What are you doing? Alright, Cadbury eggs. They used to be filled with caramel, maybe.

Thanks for watching.

You- Some Reese's shaped like pumpkins? I don't think so.

This time they're shaped like- What's wrong with pumpkins?

Oh no. Dr. Pumpkins, please.

Professor Pumpkins, sit.

It's Doctor Professor Pumpkins to you.

You know that Hershey Kiss commercial where it's like, and all the Hershey Kisses are bells? What if they weren't bells? What if they were hot dogs for the 4th of July?

Hot dogs! Now that I can get behind. Erin, I'd say once per episode you say hot dogs.

You say hot dogs more than anyone I've ever met. I say nothing.

Phantom Aaron says hot dogs. Let me ask you this question to the two of you who are my friends. Is there a seasonal treat that you think would be actually good to enjoy year-round? Like, it could have legs, it could have, like, it could have people enjoying it year-round. I've said this a thousand times. Girl Scout Cookies.

Oh, Girl Scout Cookies is really good.

Not really a seasonal treat, but they... But it is seasonal. Yeah.

I stand by my hot-button take that people seem to not really like, which is I think candy corn would be a perfect movie candy.

Yeah, that's hot. That's a hot-button take. That's a hot-button take.

Sorry. My skin gets real hot after like five.

Your skin? I think you're allergic.

I think it would be a good movie candy in that I do think that every time I get movie candy, I eat too much movie candy and my stomach gets hurt. And if I'm eating candy corn, there's no way in hell I'm eating too much because I'm taking one, being like, that wasn't very good. Maybe I got a bad one, eating the second one and thinking, OK, they're all bad ones. I can be done.

Here's, I think there's, real quick, were you guys in World News during the Marla incident?

Or have you heard- What's the Marla incident? The shellfish, the shellfish incident.

Did she have allergic reaction?

I'll just say it very quickly, which is one time in the green room for World News, our friend Marla, who's fantastic, we were just talking about food or whatever, and about like restaurants we'd been to recently or whatever, and Marla was like, I love shrimp so much, but I don't like that, like, it always sucks that, like, your lips go numb. And we all go, huh? And she goes, you know, like, when you eat shrimp, like, your lips, like, tingle and, like, go numb? And we go, what are you talking about? And she goes, guys, when you eat shrimp and you get that tingle and you're, like, Szechuan peppers and your lips go numb. And we go, that's not a thing. And then someone, Shane or someone, is like, I think you're deeply allergic to shrimp.

Oh, no.

I do think movie theaters should offer, like, a box that's, like, One-fifth Junior Mints, one-fifth Snow Caps, one-fifth Milk Duds.

Adal, you can be the mayor of AMC. That is brilliant.

But I want a little, I feel like any time I'm halfway through or a third of the way through a box of whatever I get at the movie theater, I'm suddenly craving something else.

Well, what if it's like one of those fishing tackle boxes, but there's a different snack in all of them and there's like popcorn in some and different kinds of candy.

That would be amazing. I know that there was a candy store by the, was it the Arklip that was by IO? And you could go into the candy store and it was one of those places where you could just get a bag and then fill it from those scoops of like any type of candy. Except they had branded candy. Like it was like, it wasn't just like, it was like you could fill it with some peanut butter M&M's and some jelly beans. Yeah, exactly. Did you say hamnet jelly beans?

Yeah, I was thinking movie themed candy.

Movie themed candy. Well, yeah, I just, in general, I think that, like, candy is just gonna make your stomach hurt, because it's candy. Yeah, that's fair. Not with that attitude. The thing that I was thinking, because I went to the store recently, and I don't think it's a good year-round treat, I just think that the amount of time that it is available needs to be longer. I think it should be an entire wintertime treat and not just a holiday treat, and that is eggnog.

Oh, I love eggnog.

Eggnog is so good.

I love it.

In like early January, if you go to the store and they don't have eggnog anymore, I'm like, come on guys. I mean, it's like people haven't even taken their Christmas decorations down yet. We should still be selling eggnog. Yeah.

I'm

I love that show. So good.

Last year I got some that had like pop rocks in it. It was very good. What?

What?

Erin, what would you do? You feed it to a seagull and the seagull will explode. But it'll die from the chocolate. Erin, what would you do if you're at a theater and like the trailers are playing? And then somebody comes over from who works with the theater, from concessions, and they hand you a 64 ounce Dr. Pepper. And they go, excuse me, man, this is from the gentleman in H13. And you turn around and a guy kind of waves at you.

Um, I would open the Dr. Pepper, pour it on me like Flashdance, and then wink at him. Next question.

And then sit there in your sticky mess?

My New Year's resolution is making men regret talking to me. I need to give off an aura where my Uber driver stopped talking to me for hour-long rides monologuing at me, so I need to start acting kind of crazy.

They have a feature- Hour long Uber rides? Where are you going?

This happened this past weekend.

Oh, okay. Was it like an airport ride?

Yeah, it was an airport ride and I had to report him to Uber.

Oof.

He was a white supremacist.

Uber gets the report and they're like, our name's Uber. We're kind of okay with that. What did you expect?

I do like the idea of Erin hopping in an Uber and being like, the guy gets the destination, he's like, Zion National Park, huh?

Yeah, okay.

All right.

I do, like when we were in Portland, every car I got into, guys were like, well, time for my monologue. Remember a guy read me his poetry?

Yeah, that's funny. Oh, yes, yes, yes. Classic. I've been frustrated because there's a brilliant feature they unrolled A year ago, year and a half ago, which was like, you can choose whether or not, you can put like, I don't want to talk or something. I forget what the exact phrasing is, but you can basically select like, I don't want a chatty driver. I don't want to talk to the driver. Nothing rude. I just don't, I just don't, if I'm getting an Uber from the airport or something, I'm just tired. But I feel like anytime I select that option, they're always like, where are you coming from? What's going on? And I'm like, I'm so sorry. I don't want to talk. Do you guys ever say, I'm tired. I don't want to chat. No, but I try and imply it. Okay.

Because I'll tell you what, I got a 100% success rate for, I don't want to chat. And it may just be like my face, but any time I've ever, which is not often, I've been in a situation where like someone's trying to talk to me for a while, I always just say like, hey man, I don't really want to, I don't want to chat. I'm dealing with some other stuff right now.

There's been a few episodes we've recorded of Hey Riddle Riddle where you did that.

Yeah, I really don't want to chat. I also once told them I've done it with a dentist, I've done it with a barber, where I was getting a haircut or I was getting a teeth cleaning, but I wanted to listen to a podcast where I went in there and I said, Hey, I'm so sorry, I'm on a work call. I don't have to talk. I just have to listen. And then they don't talk to you at all and you listen to a podcast.

And then the person's like, are you on a work call with Jason Bateman?

Yeah, my work's interesting, bitch. What's your work? Cleaning teeth? Fuck you. I also do the thing where every once in a while you like touch your phone and be like, yep. Yeah. Q2? Can do. Yep, this is GPC here. I approve of everything Mike said. And then you just like get rid of it.

Fire all the hot people.

If they're over 6'3", they're looking for a new J-O-B.

This past weekend, when I was in that hour-long Uber ride with the white supremacist, I kept, because it was really like, it was like five in the morning, so it made sense. I kept being like, oh yeah, and then like nodding off. And he would intentionally go over to those, that grooved pavement on the side to wake you up. The Rumpelstrips. Oh no! Rumpelstrips! JPC, run!

Now I must take off my clothes! Rumpelstrips, please! If you want it! We just want to sleep and drive! Jump on it! My pony!

Actually, Erin, why don't you clear the room and give me a Rumpelstrips?

Oh, Jesus.

Are you saying, Erin, are you saying Rumpelstrips?

Aren't they called Rumble-strips?

Rumble. Rumble. I didn't know if you were saying Rumpel.

I'm trying to put a B in it. A B, not a P. Nice shot, Rumpelstrips.

Hey, maybe they're called rumble strips, I have no idea.

I think they're called rumble strips.

Unless I'm being pranked by very funny people.

I told you about my rumble strip prank, right? When my little brother and I were driving to Florida and he was supposed to be in the front seat keeping me awake and he immediately fell asleep and I ran over the rumble strips and then jerked the car back onto the road in a fashion that woke him up and I looked over at him and said, oh my god, how long was I sleeping?

What did he say?

He said, I don't know, I was asleep. And I said, you were sleeping? And then he didn't sleep the rest of the time.

Good.

Smart, smart. That's what you have to, if you're staying, if you're driving with someone, you're supposed to, if you're in the front seat, you're supposed to be keeping them awake. Nothing, nothing bothers me more than a fall asleep front seat driver.

You're not going to believe this. I'm the worst co-pilot of all time. I get chatty and I forget to keep giving directions. I distract the driver. I'll fall asleep when I'm supposed to be awake.

Never trust me. That's like the full gamut of all the bad things. It's like you don't just pick one. You're like way too chatty. I miss the turn and I'm like, where was I turning? And you're asleep. And I'm like, oh, come on.

Truly, I've gotten that feedback time and time again, and it has to be true. I have to accept that that is a part of who I am.

Japes, I'm trying to think on our two-day road trip, did either one of us sleep during – we must have.

We took catnaps, but we also were driving during the day, which is – if you're driving in the light, it's a lot easier. If you're driving at nighttime with the expressed intention that you're supposed to be keeping the other person awake, Like, if you get a full night's sleep at a hotel and then you're doing six hours on the road, you don't need to stay awake for the other person. Like, hopefully they did that, you know, that calculus themselves.

Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. Well, speaking of bright-eyed and bushy-tailed... Hey, hey, hey.

Let's just not do this.

We've gotta. There's still time. Lemur, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. No, Adal.

What if we just got in the car and go... What if we just got in the car and we went...

The thing about 25 minutes of warm-up is I'm ready for a riddle now.

Okay, great, great, great.

I'm ready for one, you know.

Let's go. Okay. Here's our warm-up riddle. What newspaper does Superman write for? Daily Planet?

Superman doesn't write for any newspaper. Clark Kent does.

You fucking fell for it. Erin, you nailed it. Superman doesn't write for a newspaper. Clark Kent writes for the Daily Planet. I do want to see a scene. He's the same guy.

I know that.

What?

I'm not living in the world where I don't know that. Huh?

I'd like to see a scene. Erin, you are Clark Kent and Superman. You show up to the Daily Planet for work, but you had a long night and you accidentally show up in your Superman outfit. JPC, you are Superman's editor. Okay.

Ooh, woof, sorry. Missed the train. I know I'm a little late. I will have the story on your desk by like 3 p.m. Absolute latest.

I'm sorry. It's such an honor to meet you. I don't know what you mean by late. You don't have to be sarcastic and passive aggressive about it.

I know I was late. I'm sorry I was late.

Oh, I accept your apology and of course I thank you. Can we buy you a... Do you drink coffee? I actually don't even know if you drink coffee. Could we buy you a coffee?

I said I was sorry. You don't really need to rub it in and make me feel worse about this. I'm really sorry I was late. I know it's sort of a strike three situation. I promise I'll stay late. I'm gonna get the work done.

Am I making you feel worse? Is there... Is there kryptonite somewhere in here? Lex Luthor owns the building, so there could be kryptonite like in the walls or the lights or something. I don't know.

It's not... Alright, okay, I'll look into it. You're really hurting my feelings, okay? I'm really sorry. I'm gonna go to my desk.

Didn't even know that you could be hurt. I mean, of course you could be hurt because you're, well, you're not human, but I know that you're, you have, you must have... Hey, are you okay, man? I'm so sorry. I'm just so nervous. I don't, I've never... I've never, in my life, I've never, and I never even thought to... Oh, you're not here for me, are you? Oh my god, do I have to start being nicer to my writers? I promise. Today. It starts right now. I will be lenient with them. I have this... I have this kind of an asshole writer that I... We cut to next week where we're at Applebee's and Clark, you did it again where you shut up as Superman.

Hi, I'm Josh. Have we done... Oh my God. Oh my God. Okay.

Yeah, I know this haircut's not great. Could we have a table for two, please?

You can have whatever you want. I am so... Oh, Mr. Johansson, are you doing an expose on Superman for the paper?

Who said Superman? I'm gonna go to the bathroom.

Oh, your credit card was declined and also it says Clark Kent?

Ah, yeah, but I picked up the wrong credit card. Classic stuff. You know what actually? Punches that guy, kills that guy. We gotta go to a new restaurant.

Punches that guy, kills that guy. Punches that guy, kills that guy. I don't think Superman would do that, but if he did, very funny. You don't know what he would do.

I don't. Superman's favorite food, what do we think? Does he have to eat? He doesn't have to eat, right?

He must have to eat because he is like, he is a being of, you know, human-esque.

But doesn't he eat like the sun's energy or something?

I hope that's how people describe me, human-esque.

Does he heal from the sun or does he just, does he get nourishment from the sun?

Hmm. To me, that's one in the same.

Like, does he have like chlorophyll, like plants? Like, is he just... He's basically a plant, right? Yeah, he's a plant.

He's a stooge.

He's a plant!

Roses in the sun, dyes in the shade. This dude's a plant.

If you don't have to eat like is it like vampire rules like where when they do eat it's like they can't really digest the food so it's like nasty to them like they they don't want to eat. I guess that's maybe not all vampire rules that's like some specific vampire rules.

Yeah some vampires they eat and then they barf they get really sick.

Yeah because they're undead. That's like what we do in Shadows vampire rules I think. I can't remember yeah.

Just like splatter vomit.

Yeah. Yeah. That would be a fun thing to put in a Superman movie. You just see him casually put some popcorn in and then just projectile bomb it and you're like, oh yeah, that's right, Superman can't eat.

He gets sun poisoning from laying up too long.

Here's our next riddle. Yeah. And this is based on a true story. A mother told her little daughter that her much-loved puppy had been run over and killed by a car. The girl was overwhelmed with grief and burst into tears. A little later, the mother told her daughter that the dog was alive and well and that it was all a mistake. Why this charade?

So, it was this little girl's birthday. Her mom got her a piñata. Hey Riddle

Uh, I don't know. Is that it? Did I get it? JPC, you're very far off.

Okay, what if it is the little girl was not taking care of the dog and wasn't appreciating it and paying attention to it and the mom was like teaching her a lesson to appreciate what she has?

That's, I mean, that's just a great tool as a parent. Yeah. That's kind of like what JPC did with the rumble strips.

They say with teaching a lesson to a child, it's not about what lesson the child internalizes, it's just about the lesson that you were intending to teach. So that mom is in the clear. It sounds like she was intending to teach the right lesson, and whatever else happened is for the history books.

I will say, so this is apparently a true story. And I guess the reason we know this is a true story is because this happened to someone of note. And I will say that this led to a successful moment. And uh, and some money. And some money? I mean, in a roundabout, I guess at a... Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Is this something that happened on a game show?

Is this a president's kid? Not a president's kid, not a game show, JPC, but you're in the right territory. Oh, oh, sitcom. Classy. It was a filmed moment.

Is this like America's Funniest Home Videos or some shit like that? This is a terrible funniest home video. And unfortunately, I don't know how it happened, but the winner this week is Mother Tells Daughter About Puppy's Death.

Bob Saget's doing the little voices where he's like, Bob, I think you did too much of the video. I think you had too heavy of a hand.

I did just enough.

There were too many boing-oing sound effects that really pushed it over the edge.

So this was a movie and the mother made her daughter cry and then told her, just joking, this didn't happen.

Oh, to get a performance out of the daughter.

The little girl was child actress Shirley Temple, and her tears were needed for a scene in a film where they couldn't get her to cry, so her mother did that. I do want to see a scene.

That's awful.

I'd like to see a scene. So funny. JBC, you are a stage dad. Yeah, sure. Erin, you are a Shirley Temple-esque child actor in the 1920s? When was she at the height of her 30s maybe?

Yeah, let's say the 20s, 30s. Sure.

And JPC, you're trying to coax something out of her that is needed for a film or a scene. Great. Hey, honey.

Hi, Daddy! Hi! How's everything going? Did you see my dad dancing? I hope you have a great day.

Hey, you know what? The director said they love the tap dancing, but this scene actually needs a little bit more of a somber angle. Oh, okay. Do you think you could do that?

Let me hand you this glass of water. You need, you want to sip that? Yeah, you need me to be sad?

Oh, yeah. Actually, I brought over my own glass of water.

Well, drink the one I gave you.

Well, I don't want to drink this one, but what I'm going to do is I'm going to put a towel over your mouth and nose, and I'm going to lean you back in a chair, and I'm going to pour this water on you. Nothing bad's going to happen to you, but it's going to feel a lot like you're drowning.

Hmm. I think I can get there on my own. Ready? No, here we go.

And... You don't want to sing while this is happening, honey. You don't want to sing while this is happening.

Oh, that's perfect. Action. Action.

Mr. President, let's go tapping down the stairs. I would do that with you, child, but I'm FDR. Dad, why don't you just take a sip of that water I brought you?

Hey honey, bad news. Your mom was killed by a ghost.

Yeah?

The ghost actually inhabited her body, so if you see her up and walking around, that's not your mom anymore. It is a ghost, and it's an evil ghost.

She jumps up with chloroform, covers it over his mouth.

Where was this 15 minutes ago? Where was this energy?

I was trying to kill you.

I was reading about all of the... Oh, what's the woman, Judy Garland, who was in Wizard of Oz? Yeah, I was reading about all the horrible things.

Oh, they pumped her full of opioids.

All the drugs they pumped her full of. Yeah, it just... It seems to be... that while some systems you think like, oh, things have gotten a little better, especially if you like look at where they were, you know, 50 years ago, 80 years ago. But then also, it's not so great now. We're like, huh, I guess it feels like maybe we're just kind of on a doom spiral here, huh?

It's funny with like Wizard of Oz where it's like, oh, what a great movie, a classic. And it's like, yeah, Judy Garland was a pump full of drugs. So she was like bouncing off the walls. The guy who played the Tin Man Hey Riddle It was just the horrific conditions of filming where it's like nowadays, you know, Jacob Elordi gets $35 billion to put one contact in that looks kind of big for Frankenstein or something. Let's take a break.

Adal, Erin, I am so fed up with car shopping. I must be doing something wrong. Because I'll go to the grocery store, I'll buy, you know, some bananas, some apples, a little bit of spinach, and I'll get to the checkout, and I'll say, also I'd like to buy a car, and they say, well, no, not here. And I go, not here? Then where? JPC, you big dolt. Tell me what I did because what I think I did is right. So what did I do?

You don't go to a store to buy a car. Okay. You use Car Guru's app, the new dealership mode, and it's like having a personal cheat sheet in your pocket right there on the lot with you. You can instantly compare the car in front of you With more than 4 million listings, CarGurus has the biggest selection of cars, so it's easier than ever to find the right car at the right deal. And you don't even have to buy a banana. Well, I want to buy the banana.

Oh. Please tell me CarGurus will sell me a banana. You know what? No. I think what I'll do from now on is I'll get my fruit at the fruit store and I'll get my cars by using CarGurus. You can even use CarGurus Discover, a new search feature where you can look for vehicles based on the way you think using your own words. No more being boxed in by filters. Whether you want great gas mileage for a road trip or extra trunk space for all of those bananas, simply type it in and CarGurus Discover will give you real, shoppable listings that match. It's the smarter way to find the car that fits your life and the insane amount of bananas that you buy at the store because bananas are going up up up baby and they never go bad.

And I use the CarGurus app to buy us, yanks off sheet, a Riddle Mobile. It's no wonder CarGurus is the number one most visited car shopping site according to SimilarWeb's estimated traffic data.

Buy or sell your next car today with CarGurus at CarGurus.com. Go to CarGurus.com to make sure your big deal is the best deal. That's CarGurus, C-A-R-G-U-R-U-S.com, CarGurus.com.

Okay, so it looks like the Riddlemobile doesn't take gas. We have to answer riddles to make it good.

Let's just leave it. Banana space.

Oh, yeah. It's mostly for show. Hey, GPC. Hey, Erin. What's up, Al? Yeah, what's up? I was looking up at the night sky and seeing all these things shooting across the night sky, and I was wondering, what all is out there in the night sky?

Well, stars.

We're at war with the Palladians. What? UFOs. Wait, the Palladians? Are those some sort of aliens?

And rockets, which reminds me, this weekend, you guys, I realized that I had been spending so much money on a subscription that I forgot to cancel. I did the whole free trial thing, and then I forgot to cancel it, and I've been paying for it a couple months, but Rocket Money reminded me, yeah.

Oh, thank goodness. Please tell me that you're using Rocket Money, the personal finance app that helps you find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings.

Oh, big time, big time.

And growing your savings is more important now than ever, what with the upcoming war with the Palladians on our doorstep.

Mm-hmm. Now, Palladians are paladin aliens, of course, and they come here wanting our, I want to say, oxygen. But with Rocket Money, you can set budgets and goals, get personalized insights and regular reports, and receive real-time alerts for large transactions, upcoming bills, refunds, and low balances, because you're going to want to save as much money as possible. You and your family can start to buy spaceship parts.

Plus, the app consolidates your checking, your saving, your loans, and investments into a single dashboard to give users a clear view of their financial picture. So, when you're spending money from the secret checking account that your wife doesn't know that you have to fight the Palladians, baby, it's for you. It's all for you. It's for the family. You can see that from your Rocket Board dashboard without getting overwhelmed that your wife is going to find out about your secret Palladian bank account that you're using to fight these guys.

And if you're saving up to fight the good fight, you can do automated savings that grow towards your goals. You can adjust the amount and the frequency, a set-it-and-forget-it approach. So let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join RocketMoney.com slash Riddle. That's RocketMoney.com slash Riddle. RocketMoney.com slash Riddle. R-I-D-D-L-E.

They look just like us.

You say joyfully. They look just like us. I want to say oxygen.

Hey Erin, Adal, lovely. Good to see you guys. I actually really do not even have time right now. I got a jet. I have to, I have to go. I don't have time to kind of small talk or any of that. I'm going to live underwater for a week. What?

Huh. Yeah. We all assumed this was coming, I guess.

I'm just kind of nonstop back to back this entire week. So I'm going to live underwater. It's just going to save me a lot of time because I'll be underwater instead of on land. So I'll be breathing the water instead of the air.

OK, well, there's better ways to sort of save time. I feel like you're like eating a ton, like cooking so much for dinner and going grocery shopping and doing this whole rigmarole. We could cut that out for you. You could use tempo.

Yeah, you gotta use Tempo. Tempo delivers fresh, chef-crafted, dietician-approved meals right to your door, JPC.

Okay, but let me guess. These meals are gonna be sopping wet because I am living in the water. Or that's probably more of a me living in the water issue than a meals issue, right?

No, they're dry and each meal is perfectly proportioned for lunch, dinner, and ready in just two minutes. That means real food, real fast. It's not like a sad desk lunch or drive-thru or stuff that you're throwing together from your sad refrigerator.

Okay, well can it beat the variety that I'm going to get under the sea because I'll be eating sand, barnacles, mostly just sand and barnacles. Does Tempo have those kinds of options?

Yeah, they got 20 new recipes each week made from nutrient-rich ingredients. Tempo keeps things exciting and helps you stay consistent with healthy habits so you don't have to eat sand.

And JPC, if I may, some of my recent favorites from Tempo? Italian sausage bolognese cavatappi with peas and zucchini. My mouth is watering and I've also very much enjoyed their spicy buffalo chicken pasta with roasted cauliflower and sweet potatoes.

That sounds pretty good, but the other day I almost ate a crab. He actually ate more of me than I ate of him. Anyway, for a limited time, Tempo is offering our listeners 60% off your first box. Just go to TempoMeals.com slash Riddle. That's TempoMeals.com slash Riddle for 60% off your first box. TempoMeals.com slash Riddle. Rules and restrictions may apply.

But don't take it from us. Take it from Nyfie, the knife who's a chef.

Bonjour. It's too late to introduce Nyfie. That's too late. Maybe next time.

Maybe next time for Nyfie.

Erin, JPC, good morning to you.

Good morning to you, Adal, my dear.

You know how I used to give my money to the squirrel in my backyard to tuck away for a winter's night? Yeah, I do. Well, that squirrel ate all my money, so I've decided to use something a little more clever, found.

Oh, thank goodness. Oh my gosh, it was so stressful when you're giving all your money to that squirrel. This is so much better.

Yeah, because that squirrel eats money and found eliminates the clutter by giving you one platform that handles it all. Banking, bookkeeping, invoices, and taxes. No more paying for multiple subscriptions and dealing with clunky outdated apps. No more trusting the squirrel who's a wild animal who lives in a tree who likes to eat money.

Yes, and it makes it easy to regain control of your business finances so you can get back to doing what you love, getting revenge on that squirrel.

And unlike the squirrel, Found has automated things like tracking expenses, finding write-offs, and budgeting for tax time. That squirrel last year cost me so much money during tax time.

Yeah, I know that's a headache time of year, the tax time. Just go to one place that is going to have it completely under control where all of your stuff is in one safe space.

And as a small business owner, aka tyrant, I love Found because it allows me to put all of those administrative tasks in one platform. I can get in. I can get out. Saves me time. Helps me streamline things. It's a really great platform if you are running a business.

But don't take it from them. Take it from me. This is nuts.

No.

Take back control of your business today. Open a Found account for free at found.com. That's F-O-U-N-D dot com. Found is a financial technology company, not a bank. Banking services are provided by a lead bank. Member FDIC. Join the hundreds of thousands who've already streamlined their finances with Found.

Erin, that is not a squirrel. That is Richard Kyes in a squirrel costume. He is eating Adal's money.

I used to live with George Clooney.

Guys, I bet you've noticed that I'm super confident now. It's all kind of turned around for me. I keep getting compliments on my cashmere oversized V-neck sweater.

Whoa, Erin. Yeah. Did you get taller?

No, I'm just wearing my favorite brown Mongolian cashmere oversized V-neck sweater I got from Quince. Did you shrink? No, no, no. What the heck? I bet you thought this cost an arm and a leg. It did not. It did not.

Oh, you got turned inside out.

No, I'm wearing a really cute sweater from Quince.

Oh, we can see your bones.

Huh. That's a different thing. We'll talk about that after. Quince has the everyday essentials I love with quality that lasts. Organic cotton sweaters, polos for every occasion, lighter jackets that keep you warm in the changing season. The list goes on.

Yeah. And plus, doesn't Quince only partner with factories that meet rigorous standards for craftsmanship and ethical production? I think I remember knowing that about Quince.

Yeah. Just quality clothing. I also have a raincoat from them that is so good. It's the type of piece that you're going to keep for years and years and years.

I got a cable net sweater from Quince, and I kid you not, it is the only thing that I have ever followed the directions on to hand wash. Everything else that I own, I'm like, it says hand wash, but I'm not hand washing this. This is, it's so nice that I'm like, I must hand wash this. This is a nice sweater.

What I've discovered is since buying items from Quince, I just collect a few very nice items, and it's about quality over quantity. I used to have like 40 different types of jackets, and now I just have two nice ones from Quince, and they pair well with everything.

Okay, so here's the deal.

I also love their home stuff.

Their home stuff is amazing. If you don't want to get your bones turned absolutely inside out like I was, I assume is what happened to Erin. We'll talk about that later.

I think that's just my body.

Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Go to quince.com slash riddle for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too, eh? That's quince.com slash riddle. Free shipping and 365 day returns. quince.com slash riddle.

This one's on me guys. I did break my arm and didn't notice. No problem at all.

But you look good doing it.

I know.

And we're back, and Erin, you were telling us that you were a child actor, which I guess I didn't know about.

Yeah.

What were some of the films or shows you were in?

Well, it would have been like the 1950s. I was in some of Elvis' early work, like Jailhouse Rock. Oh, wow.

Who were you in Jailhouse Rock?

I was Elvis. Oh. Think back. Think really hard. Think back. Yep. That's me.

That was me. Okay. Yeah, I can see it. I wasted pants. Yeah.

I guess that was, yeah. That's me.

Elvis Aaron Presley. It all makes sense. Wasn't Was Aaron some... I can't remember what's going on with Elvis. Didn't he have like a twin brother who died in the womb?

Did he?

And Aaron, his middle name is named after that guy. It was going to be his name or something. I can't remember.

There's no way for us to ever know.

Erin, what actor do you think you could, you know how like in Hollywood, when they're only shooting like one side of a conversation, they have like a stand-in play the other person. So sometimes you'll just see like over the shoulder, back of the head. What actor do you think that you could do the stand-in role for?

Paul Giamatti. I think it feels the same sitting across from me that it does with him.

If we're only going by energy, you think you could do Paul Giamatti's energy?

Yeah, I think if you close your eyes and you're like, who's standing in front of you, Erin Keif or Paul Giamatti, you wouldn't be able to tell the difference. What about you?

Could you say, yeah, same for me. Erin, could you say, I don't want any fucking Merlot?

I'm

Half his movies. Oh, that's cool. Which must be pretty fun. I think he started on The Lake House or something. Whatever that movie is.

So like, yeah, a little bit of later era Keanu Reeves, but not too late. Yeah, that's pretty cool.

Same height, same build. Same sensibility.

I think it's, yeah, it's like the people that have successful like, what's that, cameos where they just are like, Hey, this is for Margaret. This is Beetlejuice here. I guess it's your birthday and Todd wants to let you know he loves you very much and good luck with the new house. And we're off to the races.

Um, speaking of off to the races, Erin, I did it again. Help.

I don't know. I don't know.

I'm out of money.

I don't know what to hand you.

A car with faulty brakes was approaching a level crossing at 75 miles an hour. A train was approaching the same crossing at 75 miles an hour. The train was 300 feet long, and it was 100 feet from the crossing. The car was 100 feet from the crossing as well. Neither car nor train stopped, swerved, or changed speed. The crossing was unmanned and without barriers. Yet, after all that information, there was no collision. How is this so?

Train went under, car went over, it was like a... Under-over situation?

It was an under-over situation. It was a toy train.

Very good guess, and that's very much in the vein of how these answers usually go, but that is incorrect here.

It was not an over-under?

It was not an over-under. It wasn't a toy train. These were full-size vehicles.

Did... When you say crossing, you mean that, like, both of these, I guess, track and road physically overlaid. Like, it was not a situation where they could both go by unimpeded.

Ah, JPC, good sir. I never mentioned a road. A car with faulty brakes was approaching a level crossing at 75 miles an hour. A train was approaching the same crossing at 75 miles per hour.

Got it. Um, were they just driving parallel to each other?

Okay. Uh, yes, but there's one other element to this.

Ah, the fifth element, love, Chris Tucker. Erin, dear Chris Tucker.

I don't want any more mullo.

You got knocked the fuck out. I'm on a plane with Kevin Spacey and Bill Clinton. Epstein's plane.

We're missing an element to it?

You're missing an element. So there's no road. JPC said track and road are on the road, etc. There's no road. It's just the track. JPC asked if they're running parallel.

It's like an amusement park ride?

Is the train shipping cars? Is the car just on the back of the train? Oh, that's smart. JPC, you got it.

The car was on the train being transported. Interesting. You know what?

I don't think I've ever seen cars being transported on trains. I guess it must I'd like to see a scene. Adal and I are in some sort of action movie and we're having this like a classic train fight that where we're fighting on top of the moving train and going in the cars and breaking bottles and stuff. And JPC, you are a paying customer on this train and you are demanding we knock it off. Elaine, if they come by one more time, I'm going to say something. I swear to God, I think I'm going to say something. Don't rock the boat. It's probably going to be over soon. Because this is the quiet car.

All right, Donovan. I've cornered you in the quiet car, but you're going to scream for help.

Nice try, Sullivan. Better luck next time, smashy bottle.

That was my kombucha. I paid $11 for that. I'm not going to say something because I paid $11. That guy said quiet car, so he knows he said quiet car.

Hey, sorry, this is a quiet car. Could you be quiet, please?

Are you kidding me? What about Donovan and Sullivan over here? They're having a fucking knife brawl.

I see you've learned judo since we last fought. Yeah, you taught me.

I thought I was going to have a big interaction with that guy, but he accidentally got his neck broken, bleeded it over, he got judo kicked in the side of the neck. This is in Elena and I'm out of line?

This is outrageous. This is our anniversary trip and what did you promise before we came?

I'm not drunk, okay?

Oh, okay. Methinks the lady doth protest too much.

I promised I wouldn't get drunk and make a scene. I'm going to make a scene, but I'm not drunk.

Alright, see what kind of honeymoon you have after this. Hey Donovan!

I got this lady who just stood up. I'm gonna kill her. I'm gonna kill her if you don't come quietly.

You think I care about that lady? I don't care about ladies. I'm in love with you.

I'm in love with you. With love and apology, Elaine. This would be the time for it. See? Fun.

Very fun. I'd like to see that movie. Uh, okay. Let's see this next riddle here. The scene was set for confrontation one night as rival mafia gangs made reservations at the same restaurant. At one point, a member of Luigi's gang marched up to a member of Roberto's gang and thumped him hard on the back. The poor man fell to the floor. Then he rose, looked at the man who struck him, thanked him, and walked quietly away.

He killed a bug on his back.

Was he choking? Oh he's choking. Getting a little piece of bread out.

Of course choking. That's so smart. Roberto's gang member had a fishbone stuck in his throat. The fishbone was to help clear it.

Well I'd like to see a scene.

I forgot this was a gang from the 1920s.

Heathcliffed it. These are cartoon cats in a gang.

This is right after this moment and Adal you just saved JPC from choking and now it's like a little bit of awkward because you guys don't really know what to do next because you're from rival gangs.

Uh, uh.

Yeah. Yeah. Little fish bone.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Saw you, um, saw that you were... Yeah, I was eating fish. Kind of grabbing at your neck and, uh... Yeah. So, enjoy... Enjoy your bleef. Bleef. Enjoy your beef. Enjoy your beef. Beef, steak, whatever. I was eating fish. Huh?

I was eating fish. A little fish bone. You know what? You enjoy... Here's what I'm gonna do. Yeah, I'm gonna buy you dinner tonight.

No, no, no. Please, please, please.

Please, I insist. I absolutely have to buy you dinner tonight.

Hey, if Carmen hears about this, I'm dead. So I can't... He checks my payments statements. We have a company card.

Yeah, we do this. We do this.

So, will you take... Well, don't take care, because I want you to die.

Do you want me to pull up another chair at the table? Would you gentlemen like to sit together?

Yes, please. Shit, why did I say that? Can I have a... Combined checks, yes. Can I have a 32-ounce b'leaf? B'leaf. Uh, steak. Tamahak. I have my own food. What the fuck am I doing?

Uh, yeah. How would you like your coke?

Um, all the way. All the way. What am I doing? Am I in love?

Uh, yeah. I'll be right back.

Um, so how are... This is your wife, or... I'm a guma.

This is my guma. Ah, guma. I'm assuming this is your wife.

This is my guma. Of course.

My guma and your guma sittin' by the fire. That's dumb. That was dumb. I'm sorry. What are we doing? What are we doing? Hey, take out my gun. I'm not gonna shoot.

We cut to them at karaoke later. They're singing that song.

My guma and your guma sittin' by the fire. Why did we ever have bleef with beef? Yeah, well, hey, let's qualsh. Qualsh. Quash.

I'll bleef. Ah, come on. Quash, I'll bleef. Why don't you kill Carmine? I'll kill... Well, my guys name Carmine too. I think they're both Carmines.

Hey, let's do it together. You kill my Carmine, I'll kill your Carmine. And then... Strangers on a train.

Yeah, strangers on a train, except we're both in the bar, but we made it to dinner and everybody knows our table's cleared out when they saw us hugging.

Wait, my Carmine, white, wide-brimmed hat?

That was scene for scene, shot for shot, line for line. Martin Scorsese's Goodfellas. We're really, really talented. It's a worse movie than you remember. Yeah. You think it's good, but it's that bad.

Yeah, when Pesce keeps saying, bleef.

The hard cut in Goodfellas when they're at karaoke together. Jarring shifted tone. But it was the 70s.

It was the 70s. But it was the 70s. Here we go, next riddle. Kate and Sarah were old friends who had not seen each other for years. One day they meet up by chance. Although they spent an hour in each other's company, they did not speak to one another. Neither was deaf or mute, and they were still on good terms. Why did they not speak to each other?

When they say by chance, they mean at a Chance the Rapper concert. They were both at the same Chance the Rapper concert, and they didn't even know that the other was there.

And DPC, real quick, name a Chance the Rapper song.

Acid rap.

Okay.

Can you read that again?

Yes. Kate and Sarah were old friends who had not seen each other for years. One day, they meet up by chance. Although they spent an hour in each other's company, they did not speak to one another. Neither was deaf or mute, and they were still on good terms when they left. Why did they not speak to each other?

Oh my god, they were at the morgue. Oh my god, this is such a sad story.

They can't speak at the morgue.

Morgues are like libraries.

Oh my god, they were at the morgue.

Quiet train. They were in the quiet car. They were in the quiet car and there was an action scene happening in front of them. Where are some other places, Erin, that you're not really supposed to speak? Court?

We'll see you soon.

I think, and I will put my cards on the table here, I think we have done this one in the last six months. I feel like this one maybe we did in a live show. I don't have any memory of this. Live show maybe? I don't know.

It escapes me. I don't recognize it.

Casey's take, I think so. I don't recognize it.

Wait, you know what? It was new to me.

And we can't know. And we shan't know. Hey, even some of the best sitcoms have reruns. That's true.

They all do Halloween episodes.

They all do a Thanksgiving episode where Joey gets a turkey stuck on his head.

They all do that. They all do. They all do that. What if in the short-lived sitcom, Joey, they had done a Thanksgiving episode where he got a turkey stuck on his head and they just were like, they played it like, this has never happened before. Nobody make any references to it.

It'd be funny if all of Joey was him with the turkey on his head where it just was like, we medically cannot get this off.

They couldn't even get Matt LeBlanc for the show. They just got a guy who sounds like Joey who could put a turkey on his head. Adal and I recently saw, and Casey as well, we went and saw Avatar on 40X, and I had seen it the week previous with my wife, and I was like, no spoilers, but there's, and correct me if I'm wrong, there were no good trailers. I was like, you could, and in fact Casey did miss all the trailers, but I was like, you could miss all these trailers, there's nothing here that is worth seeing. But there is one trailer where it's an animated movie about a person who puts their mind into an animatronic beaver and then that beaver goes out into the world and can talk to other animals in the forest. It's called Hoppers maybe? It's something like that. And the first time I saw it, I turned to Mariah, and I was like, what is this? It's like Avatar with beavers? And then like two seconds later in the trailer, they go, what is this? Just like Avatar? And someone in the trailer goes, it's so different from Avatar. And I was like, so there are just no ideas anymore. They're like doing Avatar with beavers, calling it out, and then being like, OK, base is covered. Base is covered. We covered all of our bases.

All right, base is covered.

What is an Avatar-like premise that you would be thrilled about? Obviously not animated beavers. In general, I am very pro the idea of like body switching, because that's what Avatar is in general, right? It's like Freaky Friday, like people switching bodies and you have your own mind and another body. I love that whole concept. Don't get me wrong. Avatar did not invent that concept, but it is just... I don't know that like, it's like if you watched like Freakiest Friday or something and the movie started and they switched bodies and one of them was like, whoa, this is just like Avatar. And I'm like, calm down. We don't have to say it.

I've never seen it, but I remember seeing a trailer for a movie where I was like, OK, this is actually kind of fun, even though it's not as fresh an idea as you'd want. I think it's just called Freaky. And it's Vince Vaughn. Oh, that's right. And he's like, maybe he's like a serial killer and him and the woman he's like hunting switch bodies or something? Yes.

I heard that that movie was okay because Vince Vaughn was so, like, he always plays the same guy. He was doing something very different from what Vince Vaughn normally does. And I'm like, I'm a big fan of that. I'm a big fan of actors playing against type. So, you know, more power to them.

He's probably playing like a 22-year-old woman. That's what he's acting, and not a fast-talking scuzzball.

He's always acting like a normal creep, and in this one he's acting like a killer creep.

This is our next riddle, possibly our last riddle, depending on... I want two more. Erin, this is our... What's the word for... Penultimate. Went away from penultimate. Charlie was always told by his parents never to open the door of the cellar under any conditions or he would see all sorts of things that he wasn't supposed to see. Jesus. No, not him. One day, Charlie heard his parents leave the house. Knowing the cellar door to be unlocked, he couldn't resist opening it out of curiosity. What? Did Charlie see?

Christmas presents.

He has a bunch of Christmas presents.

He realized Santa wasn't real. I'd like to see a scene.

Santa's dead body on a hook. It could have been way worse.

Adal, you are a kid who just discovered all your Christmas presents in the basement and where your parents coming home and you're going to confront us about lying to you about Santa. All right, just paid the sitter. And now, honey, how was your time with Kelly? Did you have fun with the babysitter?

And I'm sitting on the steps with a wine glass full of milk swirling in. Well, well, well. Milk just splashing all over the steps.

I'll clean that up. I'll clean that up. I'll clean it up. Yeah, I know. I know you will.

Oh, you'll get a towel? What are you going to wear that around your waist? Dress up? I know you two like dress up.

I mean, we just went to the opera. It was fun. You probably wouldn't like it, honey, because it was a little long, but did you have a nice time with Kelly? Did you eat your hot pot?

Don Giovanni. I've seen better performances of Don Giovanni, I'll be honest.

We had this whole debate in the whole car ride home. Let's not rehash this.

Speaking of rehash, how about we hash something out about Christmas time?

Yeah, it's coming up, buddy. We got a good review from Kelly. So it sounds like Santa is going to keep you on that nice list.

Oh, yes. You guys have a direct line to Santa. Am I getting that right? You have his number in your phone?

Yes. I mean, all parents have kind of a direct line to Santa.

Ah, yes. Well, I've cracked the code.

I've unlocked. I love making my nice list. That performance of Don Giovanni.

Okay, honey, come on. I know you played it in college, but that doesn't make you the resident expert.

I didn't play it in college, Elaine. I lived Don Giovanni. For four glorious months, I was Don Giovanni.

You were the understudy, honey.

Well, as we all know in opera, I mean, you did take me that one time to deflate a mouse. As we all know, an opera is not over until the fat lady sings. And this charade is over because I know that the fat man is dad.

I thought he was handsome. I thought the guy who played him was handsome. Oh, sorry.

I mean, sorry. I'm not trying to call dad fat. I'm just saying, like, dad is Santa.

I know you guys are Santa. Look, I had to gain, it was college, I had to gain a lot of weight to play Don Giovanni. And it's much harder to get the weight off than I thought it would be.

I'm not saying that your Don Giovanni was not handsome. I just, I can't mention that an opera, I thought his performance was wonderful and he was handsome. I'm going to take a nap. You two hash this out.

All right, have a good night. Love you. Okay, thank God we got through that. I think you found the Christmas presents.

Yeah, we were at the movies.

We saw Batman.

Scene.

I love to set up a premise and then refuse to acknowledge the character talking about it.

So funny. All right, one more, Adal, one more. I'm going to get this one, no problem. You'll be so proud of me, you won't even believe it.

Well, Erin, would you believe that you didn't get the last one?

What?

I was joking about the Christmas thing. Oh, really? Yeah, let me read the riddle one more time. Oh, my God. Charlie was always told by his parents never to open the door of the cellar under any conditions, or he would see all sorts of things that he wasn't supposed to see. Wasn't supposed to see. One day, Charlie heard his parents leave the house, and knowing that the cellar door was unlocked, he couldn't resist opening it out of curiosity. When Charlie opened the doors to the cellar, what did he see? And this one's kind of, this one's kind of fucked up.

Yeah, I mean, like, is there anything in the rest of the riddle that's giving me context for what this is? Or am I just supposed to guess, like, fucked up things until I get it? Like, it's unlocked. Is unlocked, like, operative? I don't know why it would be unlocked if it's, if there's something so horrible in there.

Yeah, there's not. There isn't much to sort of suss out.

What I'm getting from this riddle is like, hey, there's something fucked up in a cellar.

Yeah.

What is it? And I'm like, well, I don't know. I mean, it could be a lot of... A body.

I guess try and think about Rorschach in Watchmen. Oh, is it Dr. Manhattan down there, big blue penis? I'm not locked in here with you. You're locked in here with me.

Is it like a, what's it called, like us situation where he opens the cellar and it's like the rest of the world or something? Like he's been lost in the basement?

JBC, Charlie opens the cellar door and he sees the rooms of the house. Charlie had been locked in the cellar. So instead of looking into the cellar, he found himself looking out into the house.

That is super dark. Yikes. Well, Erin, we don't know. Maybe he did something really bad.

Oh, no. Oh, no.

Maybe it was like a Shirley Temple situation where they had to- No. They only took him out of the cellar when it was time to audition for a Hollywood talkie.

I do want to see the scene. Yeah. JPC, you are a... Your parents left your kid in the house. You live in the full house. Sure. You've always been told not to go to the cellar. Erin, you are JPC's sibling. You've been locked in the cellar your whole life. And you finally opened the doors and you two are meeting for the first time as brother and sister.

Hello?

Hello? Wow. Hey. Hi. I'm Charlie. Wow.

I've never seen another... You feel real. You smell real. You're not as cute as me. Where were you in the basement? What? Where were you in the basement? What do you mean in the basement?

You've been in the basement?

Yes. Hey, do we have Dr. Pepper down there? We had Dr. Pepper down there. I drank it.

Nuts. I'm Charlie, what's your name?

I don't have a name.

Do you want me to give you a name?

Can you call me Dr. Pepper?

You don't really get to pick your own nickname.

I don't really have a name.

You have to do something Dr. Pepper-esque before you... I mean, I guess you did drink a lot of Dr. Pepper, right?

Yeah, can you give me your clothes?

I'm wearing my clothes. Why aren't you wearing any clothes?

Hmm, how to do this gracefully? Well, I don't have to. Pushes you in the basement. Locks the door. Hey, there's still plenty of Dr. Pepper down here. Hi, I'm Charlie. Hi, I'm Charlie. Hi, I'm Charlie. I got this in the bag.

Cut to six hours later.

We're home. Charlie? Hello, I'm Charlie.

Hey, buddy.

Hey, buddy.

I love that we have this relationship. Um, I'm sorry that we're... I can't watch the movie tonight. I'm pretty tired. So how about we watch the movie tomorrow?

Yes, a movie is a thing that I know what it is.

Why do you always say that? You're such a weirdo. You're such a little weirdo.

Yes, yes, yes. Oh, are these new clothes?

Or maybe you're just wearing them differently?

Yes. Good night, person.

Shirt on the bottom, pants on top.

Can't wait to eat that movie with you.

All right, good night. You're my person, little buddy.

Good night.

You're my... Wait, did you say eat that movie?

Huh?

Never mind. I'm sorry. It's been a long night.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing You just dumped that Dr. Pepper on yourself like in Flashdance.

Yeah, and then winked.

Very good.

Because I'm holding in a sneeze, and I don't think it's going to come out. Do you ever have that feeling? You ever have this?

You experience this? I've originally had a lot of stuck yawns, but I don't know if I've ever been holding in a sneeze.

Oh no, Adal, that can kill you. You gotta get those out.

Wait, what?

Yeah.

Is that a joke?

You can't have any more than like three stuck yawns, and you're as good as dead.

Um, well let's hurry up and get through plugs so that I can try and get these unstuck. Erin, do you have anything to plug or promote?

Ha ha ha, nope.

Uh, neither do I. One time I had a fart that went into my brain and gave me psychic powers.

Hot dogs. Jupiter. Can we get out of here? You want a review?

Sorry, Erin Keif and John Patrick Coan. Casey Toney did the editing. How many parents in the music? Logo Creep.

Hey there, firers and watchers, if you liked that, you are going to love this week's Patreon. We bring you Summer from Scorn Mountain. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com. Hey Riddle Riddle by joining the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month. Plus you get those ad free episodes. See you there.

That was a hate gun podcast.