Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum Podcast.

Adal, Erin, I know that the two of you have been so mad that they are not putting comedy movies in theaters anymore. Well, do I have a shocking declaration for the two of you.

Shock me. Shock.

Okay, shock you. Let me rub my socks on the carpet. I just saw Nirvana, the band, the show, the movie, and it is fucking excellent.

Hummin' a what? Huh?

Bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb

Now wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Is this the movie that Variety called, it's insane that it exists? Yes. And fandom said, gives no fucks, a movie you absolutely must see to believe? Yes. You have to see this.

A comedic miracle, says Sunshine State Complex. A comedic miracle, JPC?

Yes, so the plot of the movie is they have a plan to book a show at the Rivoli, but something goes horribly wrong and then Matt and Jay accidentally travel back to the year 2008. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. You have to watch this movie. It is only in theaters starting February 13th. Nirvana, the band, the show, the movie. It is so fucking good. I'm there. I'm there.

All right, what do you guys have to trade? I have goldfish and peanut butter sandwich and a Capri Sun.

I have a Star Crunch, I have a Green Squeeze-It, and I have some Gummy Sharks. What were those called? Shark Gummy, Gummy Sharks.

I was at my dad's last night. It was his day, so my dad packed my lunch, so.

Oh my God.

This is about to be incredible. Phillips head screwdriver.

What else?

No, it's nothing cool. I know Rick's got divorced parents and his dad always packs Lunchables. He's the only one that gets Lunchables. Pizza Lunchables at that. I know.

Must be nice. He trades it for real money. He's rich.

He's insanely rich. Wait, does he really trade it for real money?

Yeah, of course. Why do you think he's wearing that fur coat? Gestures over to Rick wearing a fur coat.

And air walks, gestures over to Phillip wearing air walks.

Uh, okay, well that's perfect because my dad packed me a check for $11.50. Whoa. You're the richest kid in school. Maybe I could like sign this over to Rick, you know?

$11.50, that's like three lunches.

Let's go buy a house. Should we?

You're rich, man.

Hold on, hold on. Don't crowd me at once, don't crowd me at once.

Punches you in the stomach, takes the check.

It's a check!

Pushes you down.

It's made out to me! You can't cash it!

What brings you children to the bank today?

We would like to exchange this check for cold hard cash.

Okay. And we've done this before.

$11.50.

Which one of you is Randolph Cole? All of us.

That's his full name?

Randy Cole is Randolph Cole? Wait, does that mean Dolph Lundgren is Randolph Lundgren?

So none of you are Randolph Gold? No.

Chesters to Philip. Punches Banker.

Through the glass. That gets strong. Scene. Scene? Scene. Welcome to Hey Riddle Riddle, a show where Erin puts something in her mouth as soon as the show starts. Erin, what are we eating?

Nothing.

You swallowed a gobstopper.

I mistimed it. Well, Adal. Oh, it's stuck in my throat.

What is it?

I didn't fully chew it enough.

Erin, stop talking, breathe through your nose.

We'll be okay.

Whoa, I just watched my co-host die on Zoom.

No one here to save me, huh?

No, no, we'll be okay. We'll all be okay. That's Adal Rifai up there and I'm JPC. What's going on? Up there. Up there.

You're driving. You're tall. You guys aren't messing and I'm in the balcony?

You're taller than me, Adal, so I can always say there's Adal Rifai up there and it's never wrong.

Adal, what are you?

6'2"? 6'1"? 6'2"? 6'3"? 6'1"?

I'm 6'1". Okay. That means he's 6'2".

People who say that they're 5'11 or 5'10 and people who say that they're 6'1 or 6'2.

I always try and go under with my height because inevitably someone is like, no, you're not. And I'm like, I don't really care. I don't need to be tall. I don't want to be. I'm not that tall. I just don't care. It's not worth it.

Well, that's Adal Rifai up there. That's Erin Keif down there. That's technically accurate. Erin, what are you eating down there?

I'm not eating anything.

Okay.

Was there something super embarrassing that you were eating?

No, I was just eating a piece of gluten-free bread. I didn't have breakfast because I felt nauseous when I woke up this morning. And then I felt kind of ravenous.

Yeah. From nauseous to ravenous. What's going on, Erin?

So, I don't know. These are the days of our lives, Adam.

These are the days of our lives. Nauseous to ravenous. These are the days of our lives.

Let's stop bullshitting, shall we, and get into some riddles?

Real quick, speaking of up there, did you guys ever hear the story of—do you both know who Wilt Chamberlain is?

Yes.

He, people would always inevitably say, how's the weather up there? And at some point he got so tired of fans saying that to him that one time a guy was in an elevator with him and recognized him obviously, cause he's like 7'3 and goes, how's the weather up there? And Wilt Chamberlain spit on him as hard as he could and said, it's raining. And then just started to do that to anyone who asked him. And he could get away with it cause he was 7'3. That's, I gotta say, pretty funny. Yeah.

I don't really want to be spit on, though, just for committing a social faux pas.

Casey clip that. Oh, please. Here's the thing. The person who says, how's the weather up to Wilt Chamberlain? Have you ever found yourself, let's call it like in a small talk, like a cashier or, you know, you're like checking out for your groceries or something. Have you ever found yourself making a joke that you're like, God damn it, like this person has heard that joke. 10 million times. Because I certainly have done that. And I always want to be like, hey, I'm sorry, I'm a professional comedian. You deserve better. Not just in general.

Because it's a hole inside me, not because of you.

For me, you deserve better. You deserve way clever. I was just at the corner and I said, do you have a corner office? And I was like, I'm so sorry. Just let me know how they died. Yes, this is my father.

Lifts up sheet. Howard Dean. Casey, that's probably the perfect button to my father has died.

JPC, do you realize that your Casey clip that is sort of another version of that's what she said? Someone said something dirty. So now take that in your pipe and smoke it, JPC. How does that feel?

I feel pretty good.

These are the days of our lives. So I have an issue.

Why so eager to get into riddles, Erin? What's going on? Do we need to examine this?

I don't know, man.

Why so unserious?

It's never going to be good enough for you guys, is it? No. I bullshit for 30 minutes to avoid riddles. Everyone hates that. Everyone gets mad at me. I get right into riddles. People don't like how curt that seems, how impersonal it is. Try 15 minutes. 15 minutes.

Maybe it's the sweet spot.

Okay, fine. Go ahead, guys. Seven minutes of free play. What do you mean, go ahead, guys?

Go ahead. Okay. Seven minutes of free play. Should we go in the closet and make out? Should we Kind of spitball more about Mr. Mousebones.

Yeah, what else are we going to do for the other six minutes and 30 seconds? Yeah, I can make out fast. Ew. I can get, Erin, I can get seven minutes of making out down to 30 seconds.

That's awful. That sounds like a century nightmare. That sounds like a nightmare. Oh, I just got so grossed out by kissing. Did that ever happen to you?

Only when it's called snogging.

Yeah, snogging's gross. Do you remember your first kiss? Do you remember how bad you were at kissing? Do you think there was ever one person who absolutely nailed it on the first kiss? They were like, first kiss, fucking fantastic at kissing.

Sure, probably some French kid.

Nice. Here's my issue with this riddle book. I don't know if it was given to me, handed to me, at our first Boston Live show or our second one. Okay. All of my books are all discombobulated, but these are from Ari.

My books are discombobulated.

In Boston. So Ari, thank you so much. Books can't be discombobulated.

People? The book is discombobulated.

The Everything Kids Giant Book of Jokes, Riddles, and Brain Teasers. What's going on, guys?

There's giggling in the back of the class. Nothing, teacher. Nothing. 48 is the answer.

48.

I think my new thing on the podcast is going to be, I'm just going to talk really softly, but I'm going to have Casey bring it up in post so you guys don't get to hear all the episodes. No! Erin, I'm excited about some of these Boston riddles.

They're not, they have nothing to do with Boston. So some of these are jokes and you kind of have to like complete the joke.

Okay.

If that makes sense.

This is me and the cashier all over again.

That was actually pretty good. All right.

All right.

Are we ready?

Yeah, I'm ready.

I guess I'll start with this one. You heard about the glassblower who inhaled?

No. Erin, excellent delivery.

You heard about the glassblower who inhaled?

Yeah.

He was a pain in the ass.

He got a pain in his glass. Pain in my glass.

He's got a pain in his... Throat.

Stomach.

Yeah. That's great. You got it. Pain.

Pain of glass.

I'd like to see a scene. JPC, you are Adal's father and you are a glass blower and you just inhaled a bunch of glass and you're driving yourself to the hospital and Adal is riding shotgun and Adal you're really scared and JPC you're trying to comfort him.

Yeah.

Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.

It's okay. It's okay.

I'm sorry. Dad, I'm so sorry. I wish I could drive. I'm just, I can't, I'm, I don't know what's wrong. I'm just freezing.

It's fine. We're just gonna sneak on into the hospital. Quick drop in. Everything's fine. Welcome back. What are steak nuggets?

Sorry? What are steak nuggets?

I guess I'll try some. Chicken fries, please. Is that you guys?

What are the options? Chicken fries, cold beer on a Friday night.

There's a long line behind you if you want to just pull up to the first window to pay.

That wasn't my question. I'll do that thing. I'll do that thing where I pay for the guy behind this order.

That looks like Gary's behind you. You don't want to pay for that. It's going to be at least $200.

Huh?

He orders for his whole office.

He orders? I will do. I will do it. I'll pay for Gary. Did the guy in front of me pay for me?

No. What?

Would you tell if he had? Or do you just pocket that?

Yeah, I would tell you. What?

He didn't pay for... I paid for a guy behind me!

Alright, your total is going to be $21,683. Pull up to the first window, please.

Okay, I'm going to just drive. I'm going to keep driving. I'm just going to drive. Are you okay? Buckle up. Buckle up.

Yeah. Go, Dad. Oh, the windshield went right in your mouth.

Oh, my God. Oh. The windshield went in my mouth. Oh. I think it did. We hard cut to his funeral.

We are gathered here today to bury my dad. Actually, I never confirmed the... Can I just open the casket real quick? Just a crack. Just a crack.

I just need to confirm it's... Sir. Sir. Sir. You can't go in there.

I never confirmed it. I never confirmed it was my... Sir.

Please, please. He's grieving. He's grieving.

Accept that your father is dead.

Connor, my brother, your father, is dead. Go sit, go sit. I'll deal with the priest. I'd like to pay for the funeral after this funeral as well. Is that something I talked to you about? Oh, really?

It was a whole busload of... It was a family reunion on a bus.

So that's going to be about like... So the next funeral is a mass funeral?

Yeah, it's going to be like $120, $130,000.

We cut to the next funeral. My name's Rick. I run the funeral home. There's nobody here. Seems like anybody who would have showed up is dead.

Is dead.

Are you guys having fun? Oh, yes.

Yes, I am.

What did the Cub Scout say when he fixed the horn on his bike?

We blow the horn. We Below, yes. We Below the Horn. We Below the Horn.

We Below wobbles, but they don't fall down. These are the days of our lives.

We Below to the night. We Below to the night.

We Below to the night. We Below to the night.

We've done that on this show before. What did the Boy Scout say when he honked his horn? What was it?

What did the Cub Scout say when he fixed the horn on his bike?

When he fixed the horn on his bike.

What is like their motto, I guess?

I'm

What is their thing? I kill for the flag. What the fuck?

I'll die for this country. Be prepared.

Be... Wait, somebody else has that catchphrase.

So what would you change that? Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep prepared.

Beep prepared. Yeah.

Beep repaired.

Does a bighorn beep? Beep repaired. Wow, that's incredible.

I feel like bighorns honk and... Well, no, I guess they would beep. I'd like to see a scene, and I think, honestly, this might be the most perfect casting I've ever done in my fucking life. Erin, you're the Roadrunner. JPC, you're Wile E. Coyote.

We've done this before.

Are you serious?

Yeah, I love it.

Never mind.

No, no, I want to do it again. I'm just saying that's amazing that we've played those parts before.

We don't know that we've played these exact parts. Maybe I was the Roadrunner at one point.

Okay, good point. No, I want to see it, Adal. Come on. Come on!

Adal over there being like, I got a stroke of genius.

Okay, JPC, you're gonna be playing this character who is like a wily old man, but he does... JPC's Wild Coyote, Erin your roadrunner, and the two of you are having a dinner to see if you can't talk through everything and put an end to this war.

I hope it's okay that I ordered a bottle. I'll pay for it. And if you don't like it, you don't have to drink it. That's really nice.

I was thinking more of like a cocktail, but if you ordered a bottle of red wine, then I'm in.

It's a rosé.

You ordered rosé at an Italian restaurant?

Yeah, it's like an aperitif.

It's like a daytime wine. We're having bolognese.

This is a 1987 Acme Rosé. What? Go ahead and uncork it here.

Sorry, wait, before you uncork it, do you have anything that's maybe a better bottle, a better match for the meal that we're having? We're not having like oysters on the beach. We're having kind of a heavy Italian meal.

I guess we're both having bolognese as well. I know we haven't ordered yet.

I told you it's what they do best. Why would you not get it when I told you it's what they're known for?

Is that what you're known for? You're known for bolognese?

We are known for our bolognese.

Great. And I don't even know why they have a rosé on the menu. If it's all bolognese here, if that's the only thing that they do here.

Well, they have other things here. I'm just saying that's what they're known for. Why would you not get their famous dish?

Why don't you bring us whatever you bring the most people? Because we're gonna just have the standard experience. Is that something I can order? Two bolognese with water.

You're being really hostile to the waiter.

Oh. Oh, I'm being hostile to the waiter. Okay. Yeah, you're right. You're right. I guess we could just forget about you spitting in the nice 1987 Acme Rose that I ordered for the table.

I didn't spit in it. I didn't even let the bottle be open. You didn't pay for it. There was no harm, no foul. Speaking of no foul, stand up, brush his soft legs. I think that we tried and I think it didn't work. And it's either we're fucking or we're chasing each other, isn't it? Okay? And we're not fucking anymore. So beep beep.

Well, the bottle had fucking dynamite in it.

Oh, of course it did. So I was going to kill you.

You hear a giant explosion in the back room?

Of course it did. Okay.

Check, please.

Check, please. No, check, please. Check, please. It's on me. It's on me. I blew up the kitchen.

I insist.

Meep meep.

That's it.

Huzzah!

Huzzoo!

What do you see when the smog clears in Southern California? Smog. The desolation of smog. Smog. What do you see when the smog clears in Southern California?

Nothing, it never clears.

Adal, what did you say?

Southern California?

No, that's a great answer. It's kind of like that.

What do you see in Southern California when the smog clears?

Do you see the sea?

No, U.C. U.C.L.A.

Yep, U.C.L.A.

Wow, a college and a town.

Isn't that fun? Wow, a college and a town. U.C.L.A. Bruins? I don't know. Ah, that's Boston.

Did you hear about the two silkworms who had a race?

No. End of question. End of discussion.

Did you hear about the two silkworms who had a race?

Is it something like it was inch and inch or something? No. Okay.

Two silkworms who had a race. It was unbelievable. That's awesome.

I wish it was unbelievable.

It was a smooth finish. It was silk. Silk. What about silk? Silk.

Welcome back.

Business ventures. Yes, Adal, yours made sense. Excuse me? Spotlight on JPC. That's gonna be a dead stop.

Oh, Erin doesn't think that sex could be a business? I guess sex work isn't work to Erin. I guess I'm not putting in eight-hour days.

Closes JPC behind the door. Locks the door. Toggle, toggle, toggle, toggle, toggle.

Ooh, you closed it on me.

Ooh. Adal, do something.

Holds up a sign that says, yikes, falls down a canyon.

They ended in a tie.

They ended in a tie. Wow.

I would like to see a scene. You guys are two silkworms and you are at like the cocktail hour at a wedding and one of you made your own outfit and you're kind of bragging about it to your friend.

Wowee. Yeah. Is that genuine?

Yeah, genuine's here. He requested that they don't play Pony, which I'm like, yeah. I mean, normally you would play it at a wedding, but yeah, I guess Alicia knows him. That's wild. Like they went to college or something.

Also, is that real silk?

No, I believe Silk passed away. That's Diamond. You're talking about the two conservative firebrands, Diamond and Silk? Yeah, I think that's... Were they twins? Whichever one it is, don't say anything to her about the other one, just because obviously it could be misconstrued. If you approach her at all. I'm not going to talk to her because we have different politics. But I guess she knows Alicia, like they went to college with Ginuwine or something. I don't know how it all shakes out.

Well, I made my own suit.

Hey look at that! Diamond and Silk? One of them did pass away, right?

I don't know who that is. What are they? They're a duo.

They were like conservative, not politicians, talking head, like pundit type people. And I remember that whichever one, they were both like big Trump people, like big MAGA people. And whichever one died, Trump went to the funeral and was like, yeah, I didn't really know who this person was. Like did that thing where that Trump does where he goes to someone's funeral. I don't know. I think he's done multiple times to multiple people who love him.

Classic.

Classic.

Um, some of these jokes or riddles are like mini scenes. So this one, the teacher says, Alex, why are you brushing your teeth during class? And then Alex says,

Welcome to

Oh, because teacher, you really made a meal of that last lesson.

He says, I want to be ready for the... Prom.

I want to be ready for the test. What kind?

Quiz test? The pop quiz. The final? No.

You don't need a pen for it.

The exam. The oral exam. Whoa.

Yes. Next riddle. I feel sorry for the two lighthouse keepers.

Oh, they went crazy. Willem Dafoe and Robert Pattinson. They went nuts.

This one is, I feel like it doesn't give enough info, so I'm going to add it.

Okay. They're both off the sea.

I feel sorry for the two lighthouse keepers who are in love.

They both shine their light on one another.

They both- Beautiful poem. Not the answer, but beautiful poem.

Two lighthouse in a path diverged and I took- Adal, if you're ever at the wedding of two lighthouse keepers, read it.

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

That's it. Oh, sorry, a boat's coming in.

Everyone hold.

Smash. Okay, so they're two lighthouse keepers and they're in love. The lighthouse keepers are in love or the lighthouses are in love?

Lighthouse keepers.

Keepers. Does this have a twinge of tragedy to it, Erin? Is there some sadness behind this one?

Yeah, there's something wrong about their husband and wife.

Okay.

And there's something wrong.

And you think that's wrong? The light's gone out in their love life.

No.

But you're on the right track. They can't keep the flame ignited or something like that.

It's not to do with the light.

They lost the spark. Okay.

It's not light related.

They were both hung up on an old flame.

I wish.

It's not light related. It's not light related. Is it about boats? Is it about shore, water? Is it about spiral staircases?

Well, Erin added the part where they're in love. So the part that's important is that they're in love, but it doesn't have anything to do with lighthouses? Well, they're married. They're married. They're married.

See, they're husband and wife.

Rings? Is it rings? Is it crashing the ships?

Oh, they're in a relationship.

No, what is their... What do the ships crash into if the lighthouse light is off?

Shore? Rocks? Land? Rocks? They have a rocky... They're on the rocks.

Yes, their marriage is on the rocks.

Literally, their marriage is on the rocks.

I would like to see a scene. You guys are two lighthouse keepers and your marriage is on the rocks.

Is that a boat? I can't tell. Roger, is that a boat?

I don't know, Doug. Why don't you either wait till it gets closer, or use the binoculars?

I don't want to use the binoculars. They hurt my eyes.

Okay, well then I guess I'll just sacrifice my eyesight to use the binoculars. Doug, is that what you want? Yes, it's a fucking boat. Nowhere near us, okay? And the lighthouse is on, so it knows that we're near.

I should have shoved you down the stairs.

I'm sorry?

I should have shoved you down the stairs?

Well, thank you for saying that with your whole fucking chest, Doug. The first time that you've said something with your whole chest in a year.

The minute you go to sleep, the second you fall asleep. Welcome to

I guess that's the foundation of our relationship. We're dying!

It's slow!

And we're psychos! We killed the people who were supposed to be up here.

Seed.

Seed.

I knew it. I knew it.

Oh yeah.

I knew it.

Lighthouse keeper seems like one of those old timey jobs that the only reason that you get it is because something like horrible happened in your life. Like either you did something or something was done to you where now you just have to be like, I'm the lighthouse guy. Like no one bothered me. I'm a hermit basically.

I think that that kind of isolation would suit me.

Mm. Erin, have either of you been inside a lighthouse? Yeah.

A couple times.

Really?

Yeah, it's very fun.

I want to go.

I should have invited you. I don't know what I... I did a lighthouse tour in Maine, I believe, or at least on the East Coast.

There's something crazy about, I think Michigan has the most lighthouses in the U.S. or something. Some crazy thing where it's like, you wouldn't think that, but it does.

That's interesting. I guess a large body of water. Lake Michigan's huge.

Erin, where have you been in a lighthouse?

Several in New England. There's one I went into, it must have been I don't know, maybe Cape Cod? But I was in a lighthouse once, but it was very small, and so when you were climbing up it, like, you're spinning so much, like, it's like a spiral staircase. I remember being, like, genuinely a little motion sick and nauseous when I got to the top. I was like, oi!

It's crazy how small and tight and compact they build them, but when you get to the top, you realize it's because the guys making cookies up there do not need a lot of space.

Wait, what?

Where did I go?

Where did you go?

Hold on.

Where are you now?

You went to a Keebler tree?

Erin, Lighthouse though, it's an interesting job. Maybe not so much anymore, but like, because it's equal parts like Hermit, but also huge responsibility.

Yeah.

So it's like most of the time when you have like a away from society job, it's like a no responsibility. Like you're not just on your own. But this is like your important critical function to society plus no one to talk to.

Yeah, and that is one of those things I'd be good at. Did you hear about the lobster that bought a new car? What kind of car was it?

Oh, he got a lemon with a little bit of butter and those tiny forks.

That is an awesome answer, JPC. I will point on the board for JPC, but that's not what we're looking for. It's a specific car.

Did you hear about the lobster who bought a car? It's a Nissan Crustacean. It's a Crustacean wagon.

Yes! Adal!

That was amazing.

What a get.

You got that so quickly.

I'd like to see a scene.

Crustacean wagon.

Adal, you are our crabby crab dad, and we're going on a beach vacation, and we're driving you insane while you're driving your little crab kids around.

Okay, settle down back there. Settle down. Are we there yet?

He touched my claw.

Let me switch lanes again.

He keeps bumping it when you're looking. Dad, he keeps bumping it when you're not looking. I don't care.

Our cars are just touching because your car is too small. And also, Dad, you just keep switching lanes. You're just going from side to side. Switch lanes.

Switch lanes.

You need to turn the car the other way. Switch lanes. Switch lanes. Dad, this is scary.

All the other cars are human size. We're going to get crushed.

Dad, I want a burger. Can we stop at Sandcastle? White Castle? Can we stop at Sand-White Castle?

Okay, but one burger each. That's it. What do you want, kids? Milk burger. Milk burger? Let me get two milk burgers. Actually, make that three milk burgers.

Can I have the crab cakes with aioli?

Hey, what's a crab cake? Lump crab meat? What is lump crab meat?

Dad, I want it. I don't think we should be eating crab meat.

Why? It's so good. It's the summer. Isn't that what we are?

I'm going to teach you a valuable lesson. Here you go. Here's your crab cakes. Yum, yum, yum. Whoa. Ha ha. That was crab.

That was what?

That's crab. That's us.

You're the grown-up here. You just let me eat?

Okay, I was just trying to teach you a lesson.

You let me be a cannibal?

Hold on. I heard that humans will be like, don't barf in the car. Don't barf in the car.

Side to side, moving side to side, moving side to side, barfing.

I guess I don't... I guess I... Do... Do like crabs barf? I don't like... Do crabs barf? This is Hey Riddle Riddle.

One of those scene jokes, the doctor says, have your eyes ever been checked? And then Kyle says, no. And then what's his explanation? No. What's he say next?

This is the doctor's next line or Kyle's next line?

Kyle.

Have your eyes ever been checked? No.

Um, but they've been in checkmate. Uh, chest.

They've been chest. No, I'm going in blind. No. My eyes have never been checked. I'm a terrible pupil. No, Iris.

No, not this time. Great answer though. You guys are as good as this book.

My eyes have never been checked, but I fold. I fold my eyelids. I fold my eyelids. I don't blink so. I don't think so, so it's pretty good.

Checked is an important word in this. Checked.

Slovakia, Slovakia.

Boom, shaboom, boom, shaboom.

Have your eyes ever been checked? You check someone in hockey, right? Isn't that like pushing someone down through a glass?

Checked is another, it's kind of a pattern.

Argyle, ar, plaid, plaid.

Have your eyes ever been checked?

No.

No.

He says no. And then it's another pattern, Erin, that we're... No.

This one, I'll just tell you. Have your eyes ever been checked? No, they've always been blue. Kyle, you're in a doctor's office. You better shit, Bob.

If your mom hears that you've been acting this way at the doctor's office, she's gonna be fucking livid, Kyle. You know what? I'm so goddamn mad at Kyle, I think I need to take a little break to cool off.

B-R-E-A-K?

No, but close.

Erin, JPC, good morning to you.

Good morning to you, Adal, my dear.

You know how I used to give my money to the squirrel in my backyard to tuck away for a winter's night?

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, I do. Well, that squirrel ate all my money, so I've decided to use something a little more clever, found.

Oh, thank goodness. Oh my gosh, it was so stressful when you're giving all your money to that squirrel. This is so much better.

Yeah, because that squirrel eats money and found eliminates the clutter by giving you one platform that handles it all. Banking, bookkeeping, invoices, and taxes. No more paying for multiple subscriptions and dealing with clunky outdated apps. No more trusting the squirrel who's a wild animal who lives in a tree who likes to eat money.

Yes, and it makes it easy to regain control of your business finances so you can get back to doing what you love, getting revenge on that squirrel.

And unlike the squirrel, Found has automated things like tracking expenses, finding write-offs, and budgeting for tax time. That squirrel last year cost me so much money during tax time.

Yeah, I know that's a headache time of year, the tax time. Just go to one place that is going to have it completely under control where all of your stuff is in one safe space.

And as a small business owner, aka tyrant, I love Found because it allows me to put all of those administrative tasks in one platform. I can get in. I can get out. Saves me time. Helps me streamline things. It's a really great platform if you are running a business.

But don't take it from them. Take it from me. This is nuts.

No.

Take back control of your business today. Open a Found account for free at found.com. That's F-O-U-N-D dot com. Found is a financial technology company, not a bank. Banking services are provided by a lead bank. Member FDIC. Join the hundreds of thousands who've already streamlined their finances with Found.

Erin, that is not a squirrel. That is Richard Kind in a squirrel costume. He is eating Adal's money.

I used to live with George Clooney.

Guys, I bet you've noticed that I'm super confident now. It's all kind of turned around for me. I keep getting compliments on my cashmere oversized v-neck sweater.

Whoa, Erin. Yeah. Did you get taller?

No, I'm just wearing my favorite brown Mongolian cashmere oversized v-neck sweater I got from Quince. Did you shrink? No, no, no.

What the heck?

I bet you thought this cost an arm and a leg. It did not. It did not.

Oh, you got turned inside out.

No, I'm wearing a really cute sweater from Quince.

Oh, we can see your bones.

Huh. That's a different thing. We'll talk about that after. Quince has the everyday essentials I love with quality that lasts. Organic cotton sweaters, polos for every occasion, lighter jackets that keep you warm in the changing season. The list goes on.

Yeah, and plus doesn't Quince only partner with factories that meet rigorous standards for craftsmanship and ethical production? I think I remember knowing that about Quince.

Yeah, just quality clothing. I also have a raincoat from them that is so good. It's the type of piece that you're going to keep for years and years and years.

I got a cable net sweater from Quince, and I kid you not, it is the only thing that I have ever followed the directions on to hand wash. Everything else that I own, I'm like, it says hand wash, but I'm not hand washing this. It's so nice that I'm like, I must hand wash this. This is a nice sweater.

What I've discovered is since buying items from Quince, I just collect a few very nice items, and it's about quality over quantity. I used to have like 40 different types of jackets, and now I just have two nice ones from Quince, and they pair well with everything.

Okay, so here's the deal.

I also love their home stuff.

Their home stuff is amazing. If you don't want to get your bones turned absolutely inside out like I was, I assume is what happened to Erin. We'll talk about that later.

I think that's just my body.

Refresh your wardrobe with Quince. Go to quince.com slash riddle for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too, eh? That's quince.com slash riddle. Free shipping and 365-day returns. quince.com slash riddle.

This one's on me, guys. I did break my arm and didn't notice. No problem at all.

But you look good doing it.

I know. Adal, give me a high five. I hit my protein goals for the day. Can you believe it?

I don't believe it. How did you do it?

Well, we're one month into 2026. I know what you're thinking. Erin, you're abandoning all your goals. No, I'm not. I'm drinking Huel.

Can she read my mind? How did she know I was thinking that about her goals? Wait, Erin, you're using Huel? Are you using the Black Edition Ready to Drink?

You better believe it. 35 grams of protein, 27 essential vitamins, plus minerals. No artificial sweeteners, colors, or flavors. Gluten-free. Thank you. Add on the electric guitar for me. Oh, I guess it gets so expensive. No, under $5 per meal. A complete meal you can literally grab and go. Makes it easy to keep my goals going. And a high five for you.

And these things are truly ready to drink. I keep them in my downstairs fridge so right after I'm done with a workout I can get a little like protein power in me and it's quick, it's easy, and then I can like go upstairs and be back to being a dad. It's so exhausting. It's so exhausting at all times. It's so tiring.

And I'll say as someone who typically wakes up at 3 p.m., a lot of times breakfast isn't an option for me. A lot of places say, my dude, it's almost dinnertime. So if I'm at home, I can just make myself some fuel and I get energized for the rest of my day, which of course my day goes from 3 p.m. till 6 a.m.

And the ready-to-drink stuff is great, but also I love the Black Edition powder. It is so much more customizable. You can add it to even water if you want to add it to water. Shake it up, drink it. It's great for on-the-go.

Add fruit, nut butter, make a smoothie, do a backflip.

But don't take it from them, take it from me, Huel Brenner. Limited time offer, get Huel today with my exclusive offer of 15% off online with my code RIDDLE15 at Huel.com slash RIDDLE15. New customers only. Thank you to Huel for partnering and supporting our show.

And guys, make sure you do the post checkout survey and tell them Hey Riddle Riddle sent you because if you don't tell them that we sent you, we basically didn't do anything.

Huel! I did a backflip.

Hey Erin, Adal, lovely. Good to see you guys. I actually really do not even have time right now. I got a jet. I have to, I have to go. I don't have time to kind of small talk or any of that. I'm going to live underwater for a week. What? Huh.

Yeah, we all assumed this was coming, I guess.

I'm just kind of non-stop back-to-back this entire week, so I'm going to live underwater. It's just going to save me a lot of time because I'll be underwater instead of on land, so I'll be breathing the water instead of the air.

Okay, well, there's better ways to sort of save time. I feel like you're like eating a ton, like cooking so much for dinner and going grocery shopping and doing this whole rigmarole. Like, we could cut that out for you. You could use tempo.

Yeah, you gotta use Tempo. Tempo delivers fresh, chef-crafted, dietician-approved meals right to your door, JPC.

Okay, but let me guess. These meals are gonna be sopping wet because I am living in the water. Or that's probably more of a me living in the water issue than a meals issue, right?

No, they're dry and each meal is perfectly proportioned for lunch, dinner, and ready in just two minutes. That means real food, real fast. It's not like a sad desk lunch or drive-thru or stuff that you're throwing together from your sad refrigerator.

Okay, well can it beat the variety that I'm gonna get under the sea because I'll be eating sand, barnacles, mostly just sand and barnacles. Does Tempo have those kinds of options?

Yeah, they got 20 new recipes each week made from nutrient-rich ingredients. Tempo keeps things exciting and helps you stay consistent with healthy habits so you don't have to eat sand.

And JPC, if I may, some of my recent favorites from Tempo? Italian sausage bolognese cavatappi with peas and zucchini. Your mouth is watering and I've also very much enjoyed their spicy buffalo chicken pasta with roasted cauliflower and sweet potatoes.

That sounds pretty good, but the other day I almost ate a crab. He actually ate more of me than I ate of him. Anyway, for a limited time, Tempo is offering our listeners 60% off your first box. Just go to TempoMeals.com slash Riddle. That's TempoMeals.com slash Riddle for 60% off your first box. TempoMeals.com slash Riddle. Rules and restrictions may apply.

But don't take it from us. Take it from Nyfie, the knife who's a chef.

Bonjour. It's too late to introduce Nyfie. That's too late. Maybe next time.

Maybe next time for Nyfie.

Hey Riddle Riddle

Whenever they do the number one or number two, one or two, I always try and go, whatever makes sense.

Whatever works for you.

I did that once with a hearing test when I was in grade school because they were like, raise your hand when you hear the tone. And I remember sitting there with the ear things on and the tone going, I could hear it, didn't raise my hand. They'd make the tone louder, don't raise my hand. I remember the tone being so loud. that it was like audible outside of the headphones. Like I could not only hear it in the headphones, I could hear it outside the headphones as well. I'm still like looking at them and I was like, is the tone, are we still doing the test? Are we still doing the test?

I'm sorry to say your son is mega deaf.

The band?

Yeah. Yes.

And just to be a little stinker.

Classic Bugs Buddy move.

Yeah.

You guys, some of these jokes, Erin's putting that in quotes, don't make any sense. And some of them are crazy.

Let's, Erin, let's, maybe, at first glance, you don't, like, get the joke, but maybe we can help do one of the ones that doesn't make any sense.

Help me with this one.

Sure.

What's the best way to avoid falling hair?

To pay the toll?

Yes, to pay.

What's the best way to avoid falling hair? See, that makes sense.

Oh, follicle. Where have all the cowboys gone?

I think my brain is just not working.

What is, did Adal get it? Is it follicle related?

No.

Can you read it one more time?

What's the best way to avoid falling hair?

Don't be under it. Sweep it up. Whisp hair.

The best way to avoid falling hair. An umbrella hair.

An umbrella hair.

It's jump out of the way.

That kind of, that kind of, well I think it's probably like, um, don't be under it. Like it's the same thing, it's like, you think, it's the subversion of you think it's gonna be a pun but really it's just like, move. Like the best way to avoid it is to get out of the way.

A man walks into a bar, the second man ducks or whatever. Yeah. Um, is hair spelled H-A-I-R?

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, okay. Here's another one. Teacher, my goodness, Amy, you've been burping all morning.

So inappropriate.

And then Amy says, which is for sure the teacher bullying poor Amy,

Also, the teacher's not offering any help or advice. It's not like, you know, drink some water with your, like, pinch your nose shut or something. It's just like, Amy, you seem to be a disgusting little bitch. That teacher should be fired.

All right, I'll make a note.

Amy, teacher, Amy, you seem to be burping all morning.

Yeah, it's because Amy ate a specific breakfast food that is a pun.

Belch.

Nope.

Belgium waffles.

Yes. Wow.

You ate some Belgium waffles.

I'd like to see a scene.

Jesus.

Adal, you are Amy's teacher. And GPC, you are Amy's dad who has set up a meeting to complain.

It seems like you've been... Look, I don't want to accuse you. I know your job is hard. But from what Amy has told me, she's been singled out in class.

Um, yes, but for good reason.

Oh, okay. Well, I, I didn't expect that. What's the, what's the reason?

Um, she's been burping and farting like a nasty little monster. Like nonstop, like it's sort of, even when she's talking, she's burping while talking, which is sort of, sort of impressive, but also heinous. Um, And then as she kind of walks throughout the hall, she farts so much that she gets sort of little boosts. You know in Mario Kart when you press gas at the right time when the countdown's going? Sort of like that, where she just kind of like, she farts in a way that propels her forward? It's really disgusting.

Well, okay. I know Amy's new to this, you know, to your classroom, to this school. I'm Welcome back. He engaged in a very expensive cloning procedure to make perfect clones of himself. Amy is one of those clones.

This makes so much sense because anytime she comes out of a room she waves her arm emphatically behind her and says, do not go in there.

Do not go in there, yes. That is why Amy is burping and farting. And it's, it's actually quite funny. If you think about it in terms of who her father is, it's actually, it's actually quite funny.

I think it's funny if I'm watching it on a screen.

All righty then. Are we good to go, Dad?

Oh, hey. Hey, kiddo. Hey, yep. We're almost ready to go. We are almost ready to go.

Okay, I'm going to go back to waiting in the car.

That's not a Jim Carrey line. Uh, Amy, Amy, Amy, come back in. Amy, do you want to try that one more time? What are you going to be going to do?

Are you going... I'm going... I'm just going to go sit in the car, Dad.

It's not a Jim Carrey quote.

I don't believe that's... Amy, remember who you are and say one more time something that you're going... Just a line for exiting the room, Amy, please. I beg of you.

If she can do it, I'll give her A's for the rest of the semester.

Good morning, good afternoon, and if I don't see ya... My life is a prison. My body is a prison. I'm exhausted. I don't have the calories to act like this every day.

Don't do stuff from number 23, Amy. No one knows that movie.

I was from the Truman Show, Dad. I'm a part of every part of him. Even his dramatic works. I said all righty then when I came in.

Sure you did, Amy. Sure you did. Oh, is that the most annoying sound in the world?

Kill me. I can't lie. My heart's super small because of the Grinch.

That's not even a line from the movie. You could have said the pit is blue or something. That classic line from Liar Liar. I can't lie. I can't lie.

All right. The first fisherman says, is this a good lake for a fish? And the second fisherman says,

Yes.

Is this a good lake for a fish? No, because we're here catching them. Yeah, not if we're here catching fish.

Yeah, it's basically that. It must be. I can't get any of them to come out.

Oh, it feels kind of like the opposite. It's a good lake for a fish because if there is a fish in there, it's not being caught.

Exactly. I'd like to see a scene.

It's like one step further than I would have gone with that joke.

Oh, okay, that's a compliment to the good people over here at Riddle Co.

Erin, can I call for a scene?

Yeah, of course. There's four people who wrote this book.

Erin, I'd like you to be a worm on a hook.

Great.

And JPC, you're a fish who has caught sight of this worm and is figuring out what to do.

Oh my, oh my god. Do you, do you, I'm sorry, hey do you need help? Holy shit.

Don't pull it out because I'm gonna bleed out. Pull it out.

Um, I, I wouldn't be able to anyway, I don't, I, I'm not, I can't, you're really on there.

Call the worm doctor. Call the worm doctor.

I, I, I, I'm so sorry, I don't know if you don't, if you don't know where you are, but this is the water, there's no worm, there's no worm doctors in the water.

All right, do you have any fish doctors? Anyone, really.

Yeah, we do, but I just don't think a fish doctor will be able to... You're really pierced on that thing.

Wow, good thing I'm with someone with a terrible attitude when I'm going through a medical emergency. Great, someone who's just throwing in the towel on me.

Hey, I'm trying to be a realist here, but I have to tell you, this does not look survivable for you.

You think I don't know that?

Is there someone, is there a message I can send out?

Is there someone that I could... Can you tell my wife I didn't love her at all?

I'm sorry man, I'm not gonna do that.

Will you tell her that I actually loved Emily the whole time? She was right. She was right that I did love Emily the whole time.

I'm a fish from the water, you're an earth from the lake. It's just such a big imposition for me to go all the way.

Emily's my ex. Emily's my ex. She's the one that got away.

Just to go all the way to your wife to tell her that feels like so fucking fun. It just feels cruel, but like you'll be dead and it would be like a huge hassle for me.

Tell my wife.

Oh my god, how did he die?

If that philosophy of you, when you die, you have to live through all the suffering you caused. The poor fishermen are about to have a horrible post-death experience.

Guys, we only do this to the worst of the worst worms. This isn't one of those things where we just say it's only to get the worst of the ones out of here and then we just go after all the worms.

Yeah, they say that. It is not that thing. They say that and then you run out of bad worms.

These are bad worms.

You guys, I just realized that if that's true, then we have to listen to probably every episode of Hey Riddle Riddle hundreds of thousands of times.

Get to.

Get to.

Get to.

Okay. Okay. All right. Let's actually be serious, you guys.

Let's really get our head in the game here. Let's buckle down.

Oh, I was going to do a listener submitted riddle, but I don't know. Will I have time to do this?

These are from Milo, they, them, and we can use their name.

Hello Clue Crew, probably Erin. I work at the Huntington Library, and we have several old-ass books of puns and riddles in our collection. And so these riddles are from 1870, if you can believe it.

Ooh, I remember those riddles like yesterday.

Ooh, Old Man Puzzles, the original Old Man Puzzles. He's here. He came.

Erin, I'm sorry. 1870 is military time. It just means 7, 10 p.m.

Oh, OK.

Yeah.

Well, great. What musical instrument invites you to fish?

Whoa, back-to-back fishing riddles? Mm-hmm, that's what they mean. What musical instrument invites you to fish?

A tray and a stagio. What kind of fish?

Yeah, a tray and a stagio. It's a percussive instrument. It's percussive. The drum fish, the timpani. The xylophone. The wickedly belted timpani. The cymbal.

Timpani Havish. The snare. It's a percussion instrument that invites you to fish. Something with a line in it. Is it Spanish? The maracas. No.

It's a Spanish instrument? They're used in Spanish, Greek, Italian, Mexican, Portuguese, Brazilian culture.

Maroomba. Maroomba. Maroomba.

They're a little clicky. I love the sound of these. They're super satisfying. Clicky little.

Clicky little. The steel drums. Oh, the, um, yeah, castanets.

Castanet? You castanet.

Oh my gosh. Isn't that great? Oh my gosh. You castanet. Oh my gosh. Castanets. Okay.

What's the difference between a fisherman and a lazy schoolboy?

There's a lot, um, there's a lot that's different.

One's, one's a... It says that. A fisherman and a lazy schoolboy.

One, one doesn't audition for theater and one simply does not cast, get cast.

Yeah, get cast. Something about getting cast.

No.

No.

They're, they're like switching sounds at the beginning of words.

Oh. Okay.

Is cast close? One baits his hook and the other... Hooks his bait?

One baits his hook and the other one hates his buck.

Yes.

Whoa.

How do we know that the dove is a very cautious little deer?

That the dove is a very cautious little deer? Yeah. Doe-eyed?

A dove is a cautious little deer?

This one's impossible to get.

Because if you remove the V, it's a doe?

No. It has nothing to do with, like, I think they just mean, like, deer is not literal. It's like, oh, a sweet little deer.

Oh, D-E-A-R. Yeah. Very cautious. How do we know that a dove is a cautious little deer?

Or at least minding his mind?

Peace of mind. Peace of mind. Jesus, that's better than I can come up with. Because he minds his own business. P's and Q's.

Yeah, P's and, but it's a dove. Coos.

Coos.

Coos. Ooh, Adal. Good dove sound.

I didn't make a dove sound. What are you talking about?

There's a dove on our Zoom. Ooh. Um, and guys, this next riddle, and I'm going to do the rest of these later, Milo. Thank you so much. But this next riddle is, am I willing to say this? Yes. This is my, this is I think my favorite riddle we've ever had on the show.

Holy shit. Erin, is this, are you being for real?

I'm being for real. This might be the only time I've ever laughed out loud.

Holy shit. Okay, then you have to let us get this.

You can't give us the answer. Adal, I'm telling you, with a thousand years, this would be impossible to get because it's very bizarre.

It's an insane answer. Is this a riddle or is this a skateboard fail compilation? Because those are the only two things in this world that I know could make Erin laugh out loud.

Buddy, you'll see. What's the difference between a mouse and a young lady?

And these are still from 7, 10 p.m.?

Yes.

You guys, this is... What's the difference between a mouse and a young lady? Is this another one where we switch?

From the 1870s. This is important, I think.

You'll never find a mouse in a barn with a boy.

Kind of. Kind of, honestly.

The difference between a mouse and a young lady.

A young lady always something somethings.

Yeah, one wishes to blank the other.

One wishes to chits ease, and the other one wishes to eat cheese. One wishes to be wed, and the other one makes me wet my bed. One wants to make life better, and the other one wants his wife to be cheddar.

Keep going, guys.

You're on a roll.

One of them, you catch in a trap, and the other one traps you for life.

You guys are basically getting it.

Give us a hint, Erin. Give us a hint.

No, you're basically.

Okay, hold on. We can get this. We can get this.

Cheese is one half of it. You guys literally cannot get this. I'm so sorry, but you can't get this.

Is it like an old timey term of like some sort of weird 23 skidoo shit?

No. Kind of. I mean, I guess kind of.

One of them eats your cheese and the other one spins your cheddar.

One of them, they use the word harm.

What?

So I'll give you the mouse side of it. One wishes to harm the cheese, the mouse.

The mouse wishes to harm the cheese?

The other one wishes to charm the he's. Yes. All right.

Hold on, let me read it all the way through. One wishes to harm the cheese, the other wishes to charm the he's.

That is such a stretch.

I do want to see a scene. Yeah. Erin, you're a young mouse in the 1870s and you are trying to pass as a young lady charming some school boys.

Yoo-hoo! Boys, boys, boys!

Oh!

That knocked in the head. Edward, Edward. I think she's talking to us.

Boys, boys, boys! Would any of you like to give me a spin around town? Perhaps walk me around the Riviera with my parasol?

Whoa, that's the tiniest little lady I've ever seen.

Maybe perhaps kiss my hand and then introduce me to your father?

We wouldn't because we're normal-sized young men, but we have a friend that might be interested in it.

Ooh, is he rich? I swear I'm worth more than my dowry implies.

He's rich in personality.

He's not rich per se, but he drives a brand new red sports car.

Are you trying to set me up with Stuart Little? I don't want to be with him. Enough. Why not? He's your size. Get in, bitch. I'm not falling for this again, Stuart. Fuck you, Stuart.

Get in. No, you're a whore. You fell for that line one time.

You're a whore. I'm a whore.

Pushes up sunglasses.

Oh, yeah.

You come after me.

Doing little donuts. Doing little donuts.

You love bomb me. You tell me you love me, and then you drop me like it's nothing, and the next thing I know, you're on a date. Ooh, is that Stuart Little? I'll get in your car, big boy.

Oh, yeah.

Full-sized woman gets into a little...

Oh, you're crushing the car, you're crushing the car. Get out, get out, get out, get out. Oh, drive me, Stuart. Get out, get out, get out.

Dean.

Casey, do I have a name? I smell deems.

A tender tale of shoobadoo. She'll steal your wife if it matter you. She first appeared on a Joko Cruise, went after Mariah with nothing to lose. I literally got goosebumps.

That was a some sort of Sweetie Todd parody from Julia Megan Sullivan. If you want to submit a voicemail theme, make it 30 seconds or less and send it to hrrpodcast at gmail.com. Thank you, Julia, for submitting.

I loved that. Thank you so much.

Hey Clue Crew, I'm hoping to get your perspectives on a situation with my relatives. I'm on a family group chat with an aunt and uncle, and a few days ago my aunt posted pictures of some flowers in her garden. Right after my uncle posted a multi-paragraph rant on morality and asked people to debate him, no one has responded. So my questions are, one, how would you respond? And two, how does your family get ready for Thanksgiving? Love the show. Thanks. Bye.

Incredible. Oh, that uncle is having an existential crisis. He is spiraling.

The response, I would go chaos option, okay? I'm not responding to the uncle, obviously. I'm responding to the aunt. Like, I'm hitting reply on the aunt's message, which is just a nice picture of flowers. And I'm putting, these flowers suck, dumbass.

Yeah, with outright hostility. You start debating the flowers.

Outright hostility towards the aunt's flower picture, nothing towards the uncle's morality rant.

That is wild to demand that your family debate you on morality.

Here's the thing, I don't think that this person said, they said it was an uncle and an aunt, right? Did they say that they were a married couple?

No.

So this could be an uncle and a different aunt, right? That's awesome.

Mom's brother, dad's sister.

Oh, I don't know what I'd do. Throw your phone into a river? I don't know. I would respond to the flowers, honestly.

Yeah.

At least heart the pictures of the flowers.

Heart them all.

Emphasize the message and don't respond.

I love it all. I love the crazy shit my uncle said. I love the beautiful pictures my aunt sent.

Oh, what about the gif of the monkey, the monkey puppet that's like side-eyeing, that's like awkward side-eyeing? I think that'll work. And my family, my arm of the family does hors d'oeuvres for Thanksgiving. So we help my mom with that. That's how we prepare. Adal?

What do I do to prepare for Thanksgiving? I don't really see family during Thanksgiving, so I don't do anything to prepare.

I do Friendsgiving so we usually make a dish. What's going on in your specific family? I don't think you ever need to engage anyone in a debate if they are not presenting good faith arguments. And I do think if people are presenting bad faith arguments, you can respond in kind with bad faith arguments. So I would say if your uncle is one of these people who like doesn't really understand what trolling is, you could just troll him for as long as possible with bad faith responses to his argument. And I think that that would be very funny to watch, but also it would ruin, you know, Hey, but good luck to you and if you have a question or a comment or some sort of voicemail that you want to leave for us What is it? 805-RIDDLE-1, I think is the number. Make it 30 seconds or less, you could get it featured on the show. Adal, do you have anything that you would like to plug?

I don't think so. Erin, do you have anything?

Check out Gumshoes and Dragons over on our Patreon. Anthony and I might be re-watching Once Upon a Time on ABC, if anyone remembers that show and talking about it. So if you want to check that out, that is maybe over there. JPC, anything to plug or review to read?

We cannot say for sure. Yeah, let's read a review. You want to get a five-star review featured on the show, just write one, send it to wherever you leave reviews, and I might read it. Today I'm reading, Not for Human Consumption by Mach24. Would not recommend this product to anyone. It upset my stomach and gave me the same effect as I would have prepped for a colonoscopy. I've used the bathroom about 20 times over the past four hours. Every time I think I'm done, I get the call. I have used a legit full roll of TP with no signs of stopping anytime soon. Also, I tested my blood sugar after eating the gummies and it did spike me. Save your money and your b-hole. Do not ingest these gummies unless you need an alternative to traditional laxatives. And then it just says, Hey Riddle Riddle? Love it. I think that is, I think that is one of those reviews for those like Haribo gummies.

I want to go back slightly and say, send that word for word to your uncle.

Yeah, there we go Adal, you're a genius.

Send the Amazon review for the gummies that people think are laxatives to your uncle.

Well, guys, I'm on my way to harm some cheese or charm some he's, so I'll catch you on the other side. Hey, get in bitch. Stuart. Stuart.

There are already parrots in the music.

Hey there, Jims and Lees. If you liked that, you're going to love this week's Patreon. It's a deep dive into the author of the Reacher books, Lee Child. You can listen to that plus our entire back catalog at patreon.com. Hey Riddle Riddle, but you know the clue crew for $5 a month or start your seven day free trial or the review crew for $8 a month. Plus you get those ad free episodes. See you there.

That was a hate gun podcast.