Which Riddle Riddle?

This is a HeadGum podcast. No shit, all Sherlock it's Hey Riddle Riddle. I'm Sweet Zaddy Rifai. And I'm the Rice Man, JPC. And I'm Kiki. Aw, I still love that nickname. I was so surprised when I threw it out there and you liked it. I think it was literally seconds before going on stage for World News. I go, I found a nickname for you. And you go, what? And I go, Kiki. And you go, I love it.

Adal, I love you using nicknames for us on the podcast, but I don't know if you know that you're doing this, but what you're inadvertently doing is letting everyone else in the world call us by these nicknames. Because people now call me by this nickname all the time, like on Twitter. So you want them to call you directly at 815-242-6966? If you know who killed my dad, call my hotline and tell me, Scruff McGruff, the crime dog, who did it? And... Was it that dastardly man who works at the pound? You sound like me in the morning when I talk for the first time. You sound like... I haven't talked to him. Hi, I'm Erin. You sound like Guado from... Hello. Thanks for the sex. Hello. And now off to work. Thanks for the sex. And now off to work. Sorry all I had for payment was that toothpick poking a condom. Sorry all I had for payment was that toothpick poking a condom. What are we doing? Tell me anything you say if it's in that voice. Adal, you want to try it? Upside down is my favorite way to live. Upside down is my favorite way to live. JPC anymore? Last time I'll say anything you want.

Okay. Boston sucks. I hate it, and all the drinking water tastes like piss.

Boston sucks.

I hate it, and all the drinking water tastes like piss.

Oops. I was drinking piss. My bad, and I'm not in Boston. I'm in New Jersey. Oops, my bad.

I was drinking piss and I'm not in Boston, I'm in New Jersey. So to reiterate, Boston, fine.

Me, a crazy person. We gotta move on. To reiterate, Boston, fine.

Me, a crazy person. New Jersey, made a piss. Alright, we're ready. We're ready for what? Old man puzzles. Show yourself.

Old man puzzles, show yourself. Old man puzzles, show yourself. Old man puzzle, show yourself. Where you at O-M-P? Where you at? Do you ever forget that in New Jersey you have to pump your own gas? We're already labeled it. New Jersey welcoming you with open legs. Boom!

What are we, t-shirts from gas stations now? That's sort of our vibe. Welcome back to another episode of t-shirts from gas stations. I'm going to go ahead and shout out the area of a country where a gas station might be, and you tell me a t-shirt from that area.

So we have the Deep South.

Keep driving if you're not white. That is exactly the sentiment. It says keep trucking, dot, dot, dot, if you're not white. Erin, the Northeast.

Uh, lobster, lobster, lobster. Sort of racist, subtly.

The Midwest? Oh, I'm so sorry. Fly over states, or like fly over us if you're not white. Not white. The whole country is racist and we need to talk about it.

The Midwest I feel like would be like, oh I'm so sorry, I did the thing that was wrong. Oh I'm so sorry, I'm racist. God, everyone is bad. Hey, but at least the Amazon sunfire.

Are you guys ready for some riddles? No.

I have to not go on Twitter for days at a time because the world is too sad. And because you forgot your password? Because I forgot my password. Erin texted me and said, what's my password?

And I thought it was a setup for a joke. And so I just kept waiting. And then it had the dot dot dot on it. What's my password?

I just guessed on my password. You guessed your own password?

I guessed it.

Do you want to say it on the air? Say your password.

It's Adal plus JPC equals fun.

That's the saddest password I've ever heard. Yeah, that's a very sad password. This might give it away, but I've had the same password for everything since I was 14 years old.

All right, let's guess it. Adal, we have to guess it. Molly Sucks for 2016. No, it's a reference from a pop song.

Bye, bye, bye.

69.

But since you were 14, 14, you're 27 now?

It's going to be you. 26? 27.

It's going to be me. So 14, so that's 13 years ago.

So we're talking 20... So we're talking 20... 19. 2006. 2006.

What was happening in 2006? It's from a pop song. It might have been 13 or 14, yeah. Man, I feel like a password.

No, but it is a band that we have brought up a lot.

We've brought up so much. Oh, Maroon 5. It's Maroon 5. And I will be boobs. And I will have boobs. And I will have boobs.

And I will have boobs. Got those boobs like Jagger.

You got those boobs.

You'll never know.

Oh, God.

Can we guess what Maroon Song 5 we think it might be? Yeah.

We've done this before the show.

I've said all the ones I know. Songs about password.

Yeah, it's songs about password. Moving on!

MovingOn.org. I don't know that song. And we're moving on piss.

And we're moving on piss? Yep. And we're moving on piss. I'm moving on. Alright, go ahead. I feel like, Erin, I have to say as a friend, you should change your password. No. Get Last Pass. What's LastPass? LastPass is a great app. It's a password manager. This is JPC's tech corner. There's an app called LastPass.

It's free and it's a password organizer. You create a master password and that is the password that you use to access LastPass.

What if I guess that password? You're screwed.

For sure. LastPass, it's also you have two-factor authentication so it can authenticate from your phone, but LastPass will like randomly generate passwords for you that are like random generations of letters and numbers, and you can go into LastPass and take those and put them as your password.

Harder and harder to breathe, 69.

It's harder and harder to breathe 69.

Honestly, most of my passwords are going to be that now. And y'all, I dare you to check. I freaking dare you to check.

And she'll know because it'll say unauthorized user got access. Let me ask you this.

Have you ever tried to guess someone else's password to their social media?

Yes, and I've gotten it. Holy shit. Holy shit, really?

Whose was it? This happened twice in my life is my friend at the time forgot one of her like password. She's like, I cannot get in. It was like the student access something that she like had to download a class form or something.

And she's like, Erin, I do not know. And I sat with her and I guessed like two or three times and then I got it. Do you remember what it was that you guessed?

It was like a, I think it was a 30 Rock joke?

Like I was like, try this.

I wish I remember what it was. I should text her and ask her.

I guess I would always guess boobs and I would always guess poop. Those would be the two. Salt and pooper.

Default that I would guess for anyone that I know. Poop dreams. I also find it, like, really terribly hard to remember someone else's password. If someone's ever had to get, like, I know Mariah's password for her computer, because I've needed that in the past, and I... It's fine.

Well, I've needed it. Who's this email? Who's West Elm? Who the fuck is that? Are you sleeping with him?

Does he make you cum? Who's this mailer Damon?

Does he fuck you? Do you want to see B2?

No, but I've needed it to... Have I told you guys this on the podcast before?

Mariah and I, I don't know if I'm going to blow up my own spot here, but we were trying to figure out a way to play music for spaghetti in the house while we were both using our Spotify accounts, and we have a Spotify Premium family subscription, which lets you have, which lets you have four, if you're under the same, in the same address, you can have like up to four people on it. So we just created another one for spaghetti.

So we essentially got spaghetti here on Spotify.

Did you have a playlist? Is it all three dog night recommended for her? I wonder what the recommendation for her is because it's all like dog relaxation music that we play for her. Cats the musical. Yes, it's memories. It's just all memories, which I guess also is like a Trump rally song. Who knows?

Anyway, so we have her own Spotify account set up on Mariah's computer, so I have to log into Mariah's computer so I can play Spaghetti her own Spotify. What's Mariah's password? What's Mariah's password? It's fuck you don't ask me that question.

Is it my birthday? It's your birthday. Can we get it on the Patreon?

Yeah, for sure. I'll give all of Mariah's banking passcodes and all of that shit on the Patreon.

Let's do some riddles.

We gotta. It's an emergency. It's an emergency.

We have to take, created by a teacher on an airplane, and we have to do some riddles. Emergency. So, these are some warm-up riddles, and these warm-up riddles come to us from a, well, I'll call them a loyal listener. I'm sorry, this is a loyal listener. A loyal listener? Prince Andrew listens? Yes, this is from Prince Andrew.

The rules are true. This is from Molly.

Molly says that she loves the show, loves your show. Is she talking about Hey Riddle Riddle? That can't be right.

It's all I listen to. I have a show on Local Access Television. called, oh my gosh, it's Erin. Let's see an episode of or take you live to an episode of, oh my god, it's Erin. Oh my god, it's Erin. Welcome back to, oh my god, it's Erin. Hi, I'm Erin Keif. The budget for the show is $30 for the whole year. So like I was saying, come check out my new restaurant. It is mostly pastas. So this guy is a clown? Hey Erin.

I don't mean to interrupt because I'm the cameraman, but how am I supposed to film this?

Do you think I'm the next Jimmy Fallon? Do you think I'm the next Conan or Jimmy Fallon? You certainly laugh on stage enough to be the next Jimmy Fallon. This sucks!

I do not laugh on stage.

You have never seen me laugh on stage, not even once. Oh boy. Yes, I have. I know that I have because I perform with you often. I've never laughed.

When you're on stage with me though, try not laughing, you know?

You know what I'm saying? Okay, these are a couple of warm-up riddles from Molly. She loves the show. I just had a memory. Do you remember the show I sat in with Law Dogg upstairs once? At upstairs gallery? No. Oh yes, upstairs at IO. I was driving a haunted hayride and you were in the back of it. Yes. I don't remember what the scene was about, but I just remember dying laughing.

Sorry, go ahead.

I do remember that because I was behind you the whole time and I couldn't see you laughing, but I could tell that you were laughing just from the shaking of your back. All right, Molly, what's the riddle?

Number one.

What has pause, but cannot walk, can manipulate time and hear you talk? Time dog. Time dog! Uh, Adal. A phone! Time Dog the Batty Hunter is not going to happen. I know you want to produce it. I know you have the money. I know you have the money! But it's just not going to happen. Hey Adal, we know you have the money. Adal, we know you have the money. Do you produce a shitty and infinite movie? I definitely do. We know you have the money. Adal, we're the cops. We arrested you. We know you have the money. Where's the money? Scruff McGruff.

Who killed my dad? No, it's not a time dog in Erin.

It's not whatever you said.

What has pause, but cannot walk, can manipulate time and hear you talk. Yes, it is a voice recorder.

A voice remote is what it says. Is a voice remote a voice recorder? Is that the same thing?

Adal, are you proud of me? Papa, are you proud of me? Papa, can you hear me? Papa, can you solve me? I think a voice remote is a remote that... I have nipples, Papa.

Papa, can you milk me? Papa, can you milk me?

A voice remote is something different. It's a remote that actually controls your voice. I actually have one here. So JPC start to talk. It's a remote that controls your voice. Okay. So this is JPC. I'm talking into a microphone.

And fast forward. JPC, I'm talking into a microphone. And rewind. What are you doing?

Do it to me! Wait, I'm going to give you the upgraded one.

This one's from 2019.

Can I have it? Yeah, here we go. Start talking.

Hi, my name is Erin Keif. And mute.

And, yeah.

And unmute. Hello, this is Erin Keif still. This is Erin talking. Turn on director's commentary. And this is Erin Keif talking. What I was thinking during this was, how long can I sustain talking?

I didn't know. And I started to wonder about what you were doing. And turn on producer's commentary.

And I just did money.

Money, money, money. Ooh, I like money. I like to eat it in my mouth. I was thinking off the top of my head. And then back to Erin.

And then it's just me talking. Do the JPC function where I sound like you. Okay, and JPC. And JPC function? And JPC function? Damn it!

It would have been so fun if you started talking!

Yeah, at an audio podcast people would be like, whoa, is that Erin? They said it was. They can't be liars. Some of our audiences are babies and they don't have object permanence. Oh, yeah. Actually, we counted on a lot of baby downloads.

Baby downloads coming on the podcast tonight.

Subscribe. And leave a 5 star rating.

Baby podcast.

Baby podcast. Okay. You ready for number two? This is the second of the Hornum Up Riddles that we'll be doing today. A father and a son were in a car accident. The father died and the son is rushed to the hospital for the operation. The doctor, who is about to operate, looks at the boy and says, I cannot operate on this boy. Are you serious? This is our theme song. Why are you doing this? There must be a twist.

I cannot operate on this boy, it is my son.

How is this possible? Hint, the doctor is not the mother. The doctor is his father because it's two men married. The answer? It's 2019. The boy has two fathers. Is that seriously the answer? Yes. Thank you, Molly, and thank you for reminding us what year it is. My two dads. I bet you think this riddle's about you.

Well actually, not two dads. One of the dads did die. So it's one dad now.

I can't operate on this boy. I'm in grief.

I can't operate on this boy. I'm also this boy's father. My husband is dead. This is very sad for me.

But yes, thank you Molly for those listeners submitted riddles.

We love that you love the show, even if you are wrong, the show is bad.

I think I have another solution for that riddle.

What is it? The doctor is the father, but the father of the dead man, and it's his ghost. And he can't operate because he's a ghost.

Wow. Him's a ghost. Because him's a ghost.

I can't operate on this boy. I'm a ghost. And where's my sitcom? Okay, I was gonna say, can we see the first several minutes of the pilot of Him's a Ghost?

It's a doctor who's a ghost and there's all sorts of shenanigans in this hospital. JPC, you are said doctor and you are all the other characters. Is my name Dr. Shenanigans? Dr. Shenanigans, please come quick. I always come quick.

Just, no, just kidding. What do you ejaculate?

You're dead.

What's that? Aren't you a ghost? Yes, I know, it's a joke.

Jesus fucking Christ, lighten up. Dr. shenanigans. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Let go of my wrist. You can feel that? I think so. Wow, I'm a ghost. Wait, move this penny across the floor.

You move the penny across the floor. I'm a fucking doctor. I don't move pennies. This is a woman named Penny in a wheelchair. I'm saying move her across the floor. She needs to go into surgery. She's going into surgery? Okay, great. Sorry, Penny. Here you go.

You're coming into surgery. This is... I'm sorry. I'm just having a day. Well, I guess every day is a day.

Dr. shenanigans.

Yes? Oh. Thought I'd see you around here. It's me.

Big Dick Clark. Hey yeah, we're not getting picked up for series.

What? Why not? Yeah, we just heard from CBS. Why didn't the producers come down? Why did they make this a character in the show? It's fucked up.

Nurse Johansson, we're not getting picked up for series?

Why would they make us come on set and make a character say this? I always come on set. Come on, Dr. Shenanigans. I'm sorry, it's not a character, it's a choice.

Oh my god. I would immediately love a pilot in the middle of the pilot.

Someone was like, yeah, we're not getting picked up for series. And then it just takes a turn there and it becomes the whole show, it becomes meta. Like the show, the show is about doctors in a hospital and then from that moment on it's about like an actor. What can we do to get back? No, it's just, it's just about an actor who loses his job. That would be amazing. Oh man, right. Oh, isn't that Bojack Horseman?

Yeah, fuck that's Bojack Horseman. Okay, so those are the warm-up riddles and now it's time, it's time for us to eat our big meaty sandwiches. Adal, would you unwrap what's in front of you?

Okay, this is a severed head.

Oh. Okay, set a separate head of lettuce.

Oh gosh, then you set your son to school with a sandwich! Show and tell is going to suck. Here I brought a severed head as a hoagie. I promised my dad's a mobster. He's a famous mobster. Yeah, right, Tommy. That's a sandwich. Well, actually, a hoagie is what a mobster might eat.

My dad's not a mobster.

This is just a Jersey Mike sub.

No, I said my dad is a mobster. A mopper. He's a janitor. Your dad is a mopper.

My dad is a mopper. That's a t-shirt. Okay, so this riddle is titled Soliciting in Seattle. Two friends who lived in different well-to-do neighborhoods in Seattle were conversing.

Almost every week, I get a few people who knock on my door and ask for money, said one. Odd.

That rarely happens to me, replied the other, but there is a good explanation for the difference. What is it? One lives in a condo. One lives high in the sky at an apartment building, and one lives on the floor level.

I can live up high. It's in a book.

So take a look. I live in Seattle.

I can go anywhere. I can go to Starbucks. A fisherman's wharf. So you think it's about the distance. I miss the Sonics. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm voting for Howard Schultz for president.

I just think everyone in Seattle right now is so happy that he just did that. It rains here every day. We're all so sad.

Grungeon Plaid. We live in Seattle.

No, don't. Appreciate how funny this is. Nobody move or breathe until we appreciate how funny that is. Real quick, JPC. Gas station in Washington State. Umm... This... gas... Frasier. Got it.

Nailed it. This gas... Frasier.

Nailed it. Is this ethanol? No, this gas, Frasier. Okay, okay, okay. Everybody, listen to me. Seattle is famous for music, coming out of there, really cool music.

This is the first time we're doing this.

I want someone to do a cover. I want all of you, anyone who's musically inclined, to do a cover of the song that Adal just sang.

I want you to wear plaid in a video, or you can just send us the recording of it and we will play some of them on the show.

And you want it to be different genres? I live in Seattle. You can do any genre you want, but I want to hear a cover of Reading Rainbows.

You want to hear people write a parody song about reading Rainbow. I want a parody song about Adal's parody song.

A cover of a parody song of a parody song.

And Arnie, if you're listening, we want a parody song. Yeah. With a T. An Arnie parody song. That was so delightful. Do you think if Arnie Parrott ever puts up an album that should be called parody songs? Oh my goodness. Trademark, I own that. He has to pay me for it. You owned the thing I just said? That's true. Mail it to yourself, baby. So you guys think that the answer to this riddle is based on like the height of the building? Yeah. Fucking wrong. The kind of building they live in.

Maybe, yes. Oh, one has a dog in the front yard. Yeah. A deterrent.

A deterrent. That's also a really good answer. Oh no, I'm sorry. He has a, he has a turnt. I have some clues.

I have some clues. Erin, did you get scared from the clues?

I was trying to stop a hiccup. The only way to stop a good hiccup is a bad hiccup with a gun.

Oh, I hate this. This is a clue for this riddle.

Do the two friends have similar age and ethnicity, live in similar single-family houses? Well, you said in Seattle, so they're probably both 65 and white. 65 and white, Frasier.

This guy says Frasier. And live in neighborhoods that, though not close to each other, have virtually identical demographic statistics. Yes. So they're statistically the same.

Is the explanation related to an anti-canvassing ordinance that affects one neighborhood but not the other? No. Really good question. Does one live in a houseboat? On the Puget Sound?

No, but that's a great answer. Can the difference be traced to the personal convenience of the canvassers?

Yes. The personal convenience. Oh, I see. So, I mean, all of these answers are great.

Like, houseboat, dog deterrent. That's not what we're looking for. What this... Houseboat was it.

Why was that the end of the street? Ooh. Someone's at the beginning of a street. That's smart. Somebody might get tired. Is one, let's see, what would inconvenience, so walking upstairs, not if there wasn't a doorbell or something, but you can still knock. You guys basically got it in a bunch of different ways, you just didn't get it in a specific way. Ooh, I think I know, a bear trap on the porch. With a bear trap on the porch. Someone left the bear trap on the porch. And I'll never catch that bear. So in Seattle, I don't know why Seattle matters here, but it does, one building houses the headquarters of several charities canvassing organizations.

They send workers out to collect money and those workers usually walk from the building when they start canvassing and return to it on foot when they are finished.

Only one of the friend's two houses was within easy walking distance of that building. I'm not sure if that's, like, a specific thing to Seattle that they're positing. Silly. You think that's silly? I think that's super silly. Do you know what the word means, my dear Super Sous? I think it'll be, uh, uh, facetious.

Mmm. Facu-cious.

Here's what I want to try. Facu-sous chef.

The sous chef. Alright, hold on, no. Erin, we need to see a scene.

You are, for sous chef, the sous chef who, while we're in a very busy kitchen, just hands out little nuggets of wisdom.

And you're also in litigation with some other chefs you're suing.

Yeah, and that thing too. So my premise and the other thing about litigation. And twins. Twin premises. You know? You know what I think is important? Sleep.

I think it's important. Yeah.

Sleep's always important.

Shut up, Todd!

I'm coming through your ass in court! Todd, you know what you did. We did more oregano on 12. Donkey oregano? Donkey oregano? That'll be the perfect Sanjo Pardo. There's no more poison for your body than hating someone else.

Shut the fuck up Todd.

I'm coming for your ass in court. I didn't say anything. I have no assets. Yeah, but you got a big asshole.

Come on. Okay, we also need more... You too Mark.

Stop talking about everyone's assholes. I'm coming for your ass in court. I'm coming for your asshole in court.

Wait, so you can talk about my asshole, but I can't talk... Wait, my ass in court, but I can't... My asshole... How does this work? We got a hoagie on four. Uh-oh. We got a bogey on our six. I'm suing all your assholes. I'm suing all your assholes. Lord Almighty.

Bruce, all Lordy.

Alright, this next one is called, I love riddles with titles, not from the USA. Okay. My favorite Bruce Springsteen song. Ooh, I love this one. Ooh, I love this one.

Ooh, I love this one. Ooh, I love this one. Ooh, I love this one. Ooh, I love this one. Ooh, I love this one. Ooh, I love this one. Ooh, I love this one. Ooh, I love this one. Ooh, I love this one. Ooh, I love this one. Ooh, I love this one. Ooh, I love this one. Ooh, I love this one. Ooh, I love this one. Ooh, I love this one. Ooh, I love this one. Ooh, I love this one. Ooh, I love this one. Ooh, I love this one. Ooh, I love this one. Ooh, I love this one. Ooh, I love this one. Ooh, I love this one. Ooh, I love this one. Ooh, I love this one Where was he from?

Read it again. No. The country he's from, he can't go north, east, south, or west and come from and be from.

I'm standing in a place where I can travel north, south, east, or west and soon be in the USA. Where am I? After everyone gave up, she laughed and said the USA, of course. After a few seconds, someone else spoke up.

Not necessarily the country I come from, for example.

So there's another country that answers this same question. Oh. They can travel north, south, east, or west and soon be on the USA. Oh, I just read about this.

Oh, I just read about this. I just read about this. You just read about Canada? No, Second America?

Second America.

Oh, what did you say?

Second America.

Second America. Is this like an 11 season hobbit breakfast with Second America? You, he doesn't know about Second America.

What does he know about Second America? Frodo, does he know about Americansies? Uh, no, I don't want- The farthest away from Second America I've ever been.

So north, south, east, or west? I mean... The answer was said... Canada.

Canada. But why? Because if you go all the way around the earth, the globe, you come back to America. And then you go west, it's Alaska.

There's a certain area, probably Vancouver, if you go north, it's Alaska. Yeah. No.

It's not Alaska. It's not near Alaska. Is it going all the way around the globe and circling back? No, no. So if you go north, you're still in America, but you're in Canada.

You're still in North America?

Yes, but this is a place in Canada where you could go north, south, east, or west, and easily get to the United States. Hockey Town. Is it Hockey Town? Yes, so as we all know, when you're in Canada, baby, you're in Hockey Town. Let's see if any of these clues help. He was not from the USA, but would he necessarily speak English with a recognizable foreign accent? No. Was he referring to dry, non-USA land and not an island? Yes. Could the USA be reached by traveling less than 150 miles north, south, east, or west from one point in his home country? Yes. Is he like south of a US embassy or something? Is he like that bullshit? It's not a US embassy question. This is more just like a geography fact. Is it like something by the Great Lakes?

No, that's not way close, but it's New York. That's a dead stop.

Niagara Falls in the United States. It is Detroit, but it's near Detroit. It's the part of Canada called Windsor, Canada. Adjacent to Detroit, Michigan, as directly both south and east of parts of Michigan, it is north and west of other U.S.A. states. You Windsor, you lose some. You Windsor, you can't adore. Adore, dore, you can't adore. You're a Canadian listener.

Hello.

Hello there. If you're from Bemidji, Bemidji, Minnesota, Canada.

I really want to go to Vancouver. Have either of you ever been to Vancouver?

No, but I'm dying to go because... Every one of my girlfriends in high school is from there.

So your one girlfriend from high school, anything from there? I want to go because I'm supposed to have good seafood. I actually want to go first and foremost to Montreal.

The last guy I dated before Sean was a Canadian citizen, and he had a Canada sweatshirt I would steal all the time.

I was like, it's sort of on the nose that you have this big Canada sweatshirt that you just have. Maybe he wasn't from there, maybe he was a liar. I'm an older brother, a listener of the show has to go to Toronto for work. He was just telling me. So by the time this comes out, he's probably already been back.

You've been to Montreal?

No, I've been to Toronto a few times, but Montreal is where I want to go because it supposedly has great food, great music, great just like a really cool culture.

You know what you should do?

Go to Montreal? Yes, but a fun trip if you ever like I would take like 10 days and take acid in Montreal.

No, just do because it's so close. Just do like a New England road trip and end it in Montreal. Can the three of us do that? That would be really fun.

Can we go on tour in Montreal?

James, can you quit your job? Quit my job to take a road trip to Montreal. Yeah, I don't know why I said it like that. I'd love to do that. That's fun. How many Patreon members for this to happen? Win. Yeah, anytime. Tomorrow. I'll do it tomorrow. Ready for another one. I'll fucking burn it all down. I'll walk away from my life, my family, my kids. I will go to Montreal in a car. You have kids? I hope so. I hope so.

If not, I'm paying a lot of child support for nothing, Gwendolyn. Send me pictures of them.

If they're so real and they're so tall, they eat a lot because they're basketball players. Your ex-wife is Spider-Gwen?

We were never married.

All right, cool.

Actually, you know, I want to do this next riddle, but I also want to take a little pee pee. So why don't we do this? Why don't we take a little pee pee break? And in that break, I'll also talk to you guys about some cool advertisers that love the show. They love the show and they love you. And then when we come back, we'll do some more riddles. How does that sound? And pee pee stands for post potatoes, right? We're going to take a break to see who's dead, what celebrities have died. We'll take a break to check our phones.

We famously lock our phones in a box in the room when we first get in here because we don't want to know when a celebrity dies because it interrupts our whole flow.

So we're going to pause, take a look at our phones, see what celebrities have died since we started recording, and we'll come back and we'll report it on air. And it's also because Jerry Seinfeld's doing stand-up in the room, so all our phones have to go in these little bags.

He can't get it out and stuff's too raw.

So we will see you back here after a little break for some of these dead celebrities.

Erin, Adal, come into my lab. King Arthur?

Yes, sure. Why are you in a lab coat? Okay, but it's fine. No, it's fine.

No, no, do you think God, we love you? No, I'm King Arthur.

That was a gift.

Yeah, you're right. No, it's good.

I'm King Arthur. I'm in a lab coat. Come into my lab. Oh boy, how do I explain this now?

No!

Is this going to be a dab thing?

You're working in a dab-butory? It doesn't matter now. Uh, let's see. You're both sleepy, right? Always. Always. Good. Well, I came a lot of nights. I'm up very late.

And it would sure would last a lot if I could get some sleep, which is why I have designed the perfect thing for a good night's sleep. Oh, that Helix mattress? You didn't make that. Oh boy, yep, you're right. That's right, I'm King Arthur and what I did was I designed a sleep quiz that takes two minutes to complete and I use those answers to match your body type and sleep preferences to the perfect mattress. But what if I'm a side sleeper or a hot sleeper like a plush or a fur mattress? Yeah, what if I'm like a knight or a mage or a king? Yeah, just keep working that in. Well, there's no more guessing or confusion with Helix Sleep. Just go to helixsleep.com slash riddle, which is like a signpost I guess at this time, and take the two-minute sleep quiz or two-minute sleep spell. Alright, well what if I'm part of a pairing? I'm like a couple, I have a partner, and I sleep next to that person. What if we have two different sleep preferences? Does that show? Yeah, she has a husband made out of bags of flour. I have a husband made out of bags of flour. She's a firm sleeper. We use those bags for jousting, but for you, helix can split the mattress down the middle with, I don't know, a spell or science. I've lost a thread here. Providing individual support needs and feel preferences for each side. They probably don't have a warranty, right? And I probably can't try it out risk-free? War? No, there's no war in this kingdom, but there is a 10-year war and tea that you get to try out for a hundred nights free risk-free.

How's nights spelled?

A hundred nights free risk-free. A hundred nights risk-free is what you meant to say. That's correct, yes. Also, the war on tea comes later after your time in Boston.

Can I ask, is there any sort of discount? Ah, yes, of course.

Right now, if you join my table of knights and you go to helixsleep.com slash riddle, you can get up to $125 off all mattress orders. I declare it! Helix Sleep.

And when I mention... Right now, $125 off all mattress orders.

Just at helixsleep.com slash riddle. Yes, that's helixsleep.com slash Riddle R-I-D-D-L-E for up to $125 off your mattress order.

And I order you to get to being knights in the lab. Thank you for the gift. We set you up for real. We love you. Thank you. We love you so much. And I love Helix Sleep.

And we're back from the break. Okay. Erin. And we're back from the break.

And we're back from the break. Do we all want to say it? Hiya. Hiya. Keifer Sutherland died. Keifer Sutherland died. There's no joke. We're not. That's not part of it. Yeah, we have nothing funny. Erin Keifer Sutherland died.

No, Adal, Adal, he died. Hey JPC, this will be really not funny if Keifer Sutherland dies in the next several weeks. Or it'll be a very easy open and shut case for the detectives. Because you were gone. for 12 hours.

With bananas. Are they wearing a jacket? I'm recording this. Sometimes they're green, sometimes they're yellow. I'm recording this on my phone. It's the deal with bananas. This is not very good. What else? Sir, where are you from? Me? Let's just say Seattle. Okay, this one is called the ketchup fish and make a wish.

You live in Seattle. I was waiting for you to finish. This one's called Dots on the Eyes. Pupils. Fuck. It's probably pupils. Hold on, Erin. Give me one second. Let me just jump to the answer here. You don't have to humor. No, no, no, no, no. Don't make a whole show of it. No, this is to say fuck you in a really long way. Let's go to this. Dots on the Eyes.

He's making a real show of this. He's really crossing the T's and dottons the eyes. Pupil. It is not.

These are not pupils. And Erin, thank you so much. I just want to thank you for wasting everyone's time in class today.

And if you have enough gu- Oh wait, we're apologizing for wasting people's time? Oh, we have to retroactively, really. Okay, we have a list of listeners that we have to go down, starting from the top. A. Abramson? Name one listener, I dare you. Keif with that one. Vicki? Stuart? My mother. Yeah, all of our moms.

We do this show for only our moms. We live in Seattle. What percentage of... Mom do I love? 100%. What percentage of dad? 55. You can't drive 55. You can't love 55, right? I can't love 55. You can't love 55. What percentage of your friends listen to the podcast?

Because a lot of my friends don't listen to the podcast. Zero. This one or any other ones.

Not that they're supportive in other ways, but my friends are like, I don't want to listen to your fucking voice. My friend Laurel listens when she misses me. Laurel's off Pelton. She really is caught up. Hi Laurel, you're my favorite. And I will not take your calls. And then my friend Charlie listens. He saw JPC on the street. Oh yeah, that's right. Nice to you. He's with his grandpa Charlie Bucket.

My closest friends don't listen to the show, but my buddy Alex did listen to the episode that we did with Teachers Lounge because he's a huge Teachers Lounge fan, and he said something to me that referenced that episode, and it just went over my head because I had forgotten that episode, and I listened to that Teachers Lounge episode like four days later, and I was like, oh, this funny thing happened on the Teachers Lounge episode, and it was very fun, and he was like,

Yeah, I said that to you like four days ago. I was like, you listened to that episode? He was like, yeah. I was like, you never listened to the show. Like, why would you have listened to that episode? That's great. Do you prefer... I sometimes am grateful that not a lot of my friends listen. No, I would like my friends to listen. Oh really?

Yeah.

It is funny when, so Mariah told me this experience because Mariah and I used to work together, but I don't work at that job anymore, but there were people that listened to that at that job, and someone said something to her, which was something that she had not listened to on the podcast, but I had said on the podcast about my life, some factoid from my life, and someone said that thing, and then Mariah got kind of freaked out for a second because she was like, how do they know that?

Oh, they listen to Hey Riddle Riddle. Yeah, did I tell them that? And then they're like, from the show.

And she was like, oh yeah, GPC just goes on and spouts out our personal business on the show.

Here's your dirty laundry.

Yeah, just hearing dirty laundry.

I really like Arnie Kneecamp has a, not a rule, but he has a thing where he will listen to a podcast if he thinks he's going to be mentioned on it. Really? That is so funny. But he might have also been joking, but I think he does.

But how does he know that he's going to get mentioned on it? I don't know.

Maybe if like someone's guessing on something else and I don't know.

I don't know what the equation is.

God, I hope he doesn't listen to this episode because we did say some pretty terrible stuff about him in the intro. No thanks, Arnie Parrott.

Thank God. Are they the same to me?

Just start only plugging my friends' projects if they listen to the show.

Wow. That's a good call. That's deadly. Speaking of Arnie, then we can move on.

I started watching What We Do in the Shadows, the TV show.

And in one of the episodes, there's a character named Arnie, and then they bring back Arnie. And then in another episode, there's a character named Chunt.

So I'm curious if someone who works on the show, if it's like a sub- There's a character named Chunt? It's like one scene, but they're like, this is my friend Chunt. Is that even related? What is that related to? What do you mean? What's that in reference to?

Because I know that you're doing Magic Tavern and you play Cut the Badger famously. Yeah, but it's so close to Cut. I think that we should get Hey Riddle Riddle shirts that just say Cut the Badger on them. It's so funny. And they're our podcast shirts.

I mean, I will sign off on that.

Adal.

I don't want your signature. But it should be a badger with a vagina for it. When my mom met you, she was like, oh my God, because so many people at her job, independently from her, found and love Magic Tavern.

Oh, that's awesome.

They're going to freak out when they find it. When you say people at her job, you mean like kids at the library, right?

Yeah, children at the library.

And I have a legit question. So I didn't know your mom didn't listen to Magic Tavern and was maybe has friends to listen because she had me sign her chest. Oh my god. Get out! And I was there.

She had Adal sign her chest, JPC.

That wasn't my mom. Well, that was a dream that I had. Well, it was Goldie Hawn and Susan Sarandon, so that was somebody's mom. Oh, those were my moms. Oh, those were the banger sisters. What was that movie called? Alright, let's see this riddle. It's called the banger sisters. This riddle's called the banger sisters.

Ooh, this one, this one makes... This one... I love this show.

This one, I get to play characters. This is my favorite thing I've ever done in my life. Oh, really? Yeah. Great.

What's yours? Not much in my life.

No, stop by. I went to an Aerosmith concert with my dad when I was in eighth grade. Ooh, they did so crazy. Yeah, of course. Now I get it.

Love it in an elevator! Love it in an oven up here with my dad! They put you on stage? Okay, I'm ready, I'm ready. And people were smoking pot and my dad was like, that's pot. And I was like, I know. The teacher marked you raw-ong. Kevin sang out teasingly during school recess. You didn't put dots on all your eyes. Is that so?

I mean, also confusingly, Kevin. Bet you don't know how to draw a small eye with a dot on it, he challenged. Kevin did so. And Kevin looked defeated. A few moments later, Kevin retorted. Well, now I have dats over my eyes and you don't.

One glance at Kevin and Kevin burst out laughing. So did Kevin.

Half the class did, too.

Just blame. They drew, he drew an eye. What the fuck does that mean?

Like an eye that you see with. Like an eyeball. He drew an eyeball? Mm-hmm.

Put a dot above it. Cuz he's a smartass. He drew an eyeball and put a dot above it. Mm-hmm. And dotted his eyes. And that would make him, that would, people would think that that's funny. He would be a king! A dot on my eyes, hater's grave, Fortnite. Mm-hmm. So wait, so he said, I bet you don't know how to draw eyes. He drew a small eye with a dot, and he also filled in the dot for the other guy's eyes. I got confused by two Kevins. Okay, I'm gonna change these names. My blue Kevins. I'm gonna change these names for this riddle only to, let's just say Jimmy and Timmy. It's only slightly less confusing. Jimmy did so, and Timmy looked defeated. A few minutes later, Timmy retorted, well now I have dots over my eyes and you don't. One glance at Timmy and Jimmy burst out laughing. So did Timmy. Half the class did. The boys. Women think they're above this. Yeah, that makes sense. You boys are men. Boys will be men. Explain. Can we make it like quad and like? Quote me on that. That's an Erin Keif quote. Boys make me sleepy. Boys make me sleepy?

That's something you want to be courted on? You famously want boys on the side.

Yeah. Because if you have them as an entree. Make me sleepy. Boys don't cry. He put something on his face above his eyes. What did he put on his face?

Blood. Little dots.

Little dots. Two snipers. He hired two snipers. Tears. He put prison tears on his eyes! We are going to see a scene.

Erin, you're going to be playing a third grader. You're going into class. Adal and I are other third graders.

This is, you know, midway through the year and you've come in with two tier tattoos. Hi.

Hey guys. Hi, my name's Mark, but everyone calls me Poodle. Hi Poodle. Poodle, this is midway through the year. We're all friends and we know each other. We know, we... Oh yeah, no, I'm just... I'm just trying to make poodle stick as a nickname. What did everyone bring for lunch today? I thought it was the sandwich but it was the server head. What's on your face? Yeah, poodle. Sorry about your dad. I got some new tattoos. I got some... new tattoos.

Are those tattoos for kids? Like the Kidz Bop version of tattoos? These are the Kidz Bop versions of tattoos, but they're permanent. Oh no.

Oh no. My mom, by the way, my mom got me Kidz Bop Seattle.

Oh, that's great. I love that. I'll find lots of Death Cab for cutie. It's exclusively Death Cab for cutie.

What are some kids bought version of some Death Tech?

I will follow you into the park. Oh, yours is fire. I want to friend you like an animal. Yours is so much better than mine. I will follow

Did you kill someone?

Two people. I like how Erin was like, yours is better, I'm still gonna sing mine. There had to be some follow through. I will follow you into the snacks.

No, next, I dare you to ever listen to that song and not get hungry for snacks. Who sings that song? Death Cab.

That's Death Cab.

I will follow you. Really? Oh wow. I was gonna say, I like Ben Gibbard, but I guess I just never listened to that song. I'm still napping in my bed with dreams above my head of always getting cookies as a meal instead of just dessert. Hey, I think we're fun at songs. Tell me if you, how does that go? We need to have an option whenever we do live shows from now on that whatever city we go to the population votes of whether they want just riddles or us just doing this.

I thought that was the most romantic song I'd ever heard in my life when I was like 14.

God, the Postal Service, was it, was the Postal Service on the Garden State soundtrack? Yeah, it must have been. That was right in the real house.

Yeah, that fucking did it for me.

I was never a Brandeis guy, but boy oh boy I love Death Cab. Death Cab, oh I love Death Cab.

Did you ever see them live? No, but I saw Postal Service at Lollapalooza a few years ago, five, four years ago when they did their like last show reunion tour thing ever and it and they played the one album that they have but they played the whole album and it was it was fucking awesome.

It was great. It was great. Yeah, I really loved it. Did Jenny Lewis go? Yeah. And I'm not a Postal Service fan. As much as Death Cab, I like Death Cab more, but that's a great album. It just is a really good album. And they did one and it... I'm a massive Jenny Lewis fan. Roy Lucali is incredible. Jenny Lewis is great too, but... Does he love you? Just like I said, huge Death Cab fan. All right, we got to finish this. Okay. I'm going to give you a riddle. This riddle is called Wait, what was the dots? He did dots over his eyes. He just drew dots over his eyes. What does that have to do with banger sisters?

Okay, I'm ready. One more riddle.

I began, I legit began to explain it and then realized, oh, I'm getting fucked with. My name is Anton Kuchar, and you're getting fucked with it. My name's Anton Kuchanelli, and this is Getting Fucked With. The show where I call up my ex-stepdad. He's not my dad.

He's not my dad. My mom got divorced to him.

This one's called Power Failure. Well, holy shit. I just had, I'm so sorry.

Yeah, please, it has. This will take 10 seconds. I just had a realization.

What, sex with you? The sex with me is like a brownie. We'll take 10 seconds. The show, did you guys watch Step by Step? Yes. I just got it that it's called Step by Step because it's two sets of step parents. I never knew that.

Yeah.

I legit didn't think about that. Okay.

That was worth stopping the show?

What's Full House? Why do they call that? Because there's a lot of people in that house.

Poker. Because there's three Jacks and two Queens.

I finished your Sex with Me, though. That's like a weird threes company.

Okay, so it's three Jacks and two Queens? What did you say, Erin?

Sex with Me is like a... A brownie. Batter up. Brownie. Crumbly and better with gluten in it.

Does that make sense? No. Do a brownie Sex with Me.

Sex with Me is like a brownie because it's better when you're high. Mile High Club.

Sex with me is like a brownie. You think you want more, but one is enough.

Sex with me is like a brownie.

The best part is the edging.

Yeah! Sex with me is like a brownie.

You get it at Corner Bakery and you overpay.

Sex with me is like a brownie because... Play with my Betty Crock.

Sex with me is like a brownie because it's the first level of becoming a girl's girl. Sex with me is like a brownie because you get a Cleveland Steamer.

Riddle!

Power failure. While Kevin slept peacefully, a transformer on the street burned out. Bubblebee. Jazz pride. A transformer on the street burned out and stopped all electrical power to his house.

The power was restored two hours later while Kevin was still asleep. He woke the next morning and noted with annoyance that all of his digital clocks were blinking and had to be reset.

I hate power failures he grumbled as he carried his battery-powered watch to the VCR, the microwave oven, and other devices that needed to have their clocks reset.

But Kevin had no idea that the power had failed during the night. Much less how long.

Explain. What?

I'm going to just give you some hits. Yes, please. Did Kevin sleep away from his house and return to it to find the clocks that stopped?

No.

Is it Kevin from Hong Kong?

Yes. He splashed the very spicy perfume on his face. It makes a very... You think aftershave is very spicy perfume?

You know, like that ethnic perfume.

It's like, we've got a lot of heat to it. Ow, ow, ow. Poofy too spicy for my little boy face.

Was he of sound mind and with good vision?

Yes. That's good.

Did he own an electric clock that had an hour hand and a minute hand?

No. This one's confusing.

This one is very confusing. Yeah, this book is great, though. These are very modern riddles. Oh, is it?

He knows the time because of TV he just put on the news. He just put on the news because of TV? Wait, he has his watch.

Like, what's the question? I'm so confused. So he knows the time.

So if he wakes up and say it says 9 a.m., his watch is correct, but all the clocks are stopped. Are blinking.

I thought we knew they stopped for two hours.

Didn't it say two hours? Well, Kevin slept peacefully, a transformer on the street burned out, and stopped all electrical power to his house. The power was restored two hours later while Kevin was still asleep. He woke the next morning and noted with annoyance that all his digital clocks were blinking and had to be reset. I hate power failures. He grumbled as he carried his battery-powered watch to the VCR, the microwave oven, and other devices that needed to have their clocks reset. But Kevin had no idea that the power had failed during the night. Much less. How long? Explain. Because there's no, there's no walk lock.

If you had a walk lock you could subtract the time.

What is this? Can you tell us the answer? This wording of this is so confusing. Maybe. I don't know what the fuck is happening, but this answer doesn't make any sense to me. Before we hear it, I do want to see one quick scene. Erin, you are a kid living, I assume, in California. I've never seen the movies, but I assume they're all living in California because they're beautiful. GBC, you are a burnt out Transformer, meaning that you're a druggy sort of Transformer, and I want you to try and become her car.

Whoa!

Oh, a human.

What's going on? I'm sorry, I thought I parked my car here. Hey man, do you have any oil? Do you have any oil not on me? Come on, kid. I don't often get my oil. Come on, kid, give me some oil. Come on, let's look at it.

I think I have, what?

What? Hey, I'm like a 21-year-old college student. I'm not a kid. What? What? I have some olive oil in my bag. I have some groceries in my bag. I'm not gonna get high on fuckin' olive oil! You said oil. Do you mean like car oil?

No!

I'm a fuckin' talkin' car. I mean olive oil.

What do I look like fuckin' Bobby Flay in here?

Tryin' to make some... You know who Bobby Flay is?

Everybody knows who Bobby Flay is. He's an international treasure.

He's been on television for 20 years. And beat Bobby Flay. Meet Bobby Flay? Yeah.

Okay, let's see that. This is we cut to this robot car in a kitchen showdown with Bobby Flay.

All right, so we are going to, Bobby Clay will cook your signature dish, which is? Like some sort of chicken or like a pasta? It's a chicken pasta. Oh great, chicken pasta. And the clock starts now!

I want to take my first five minutes to face the camera and remind people I have not much of a personality so as to be safe and welcoming to most parents.

Sex with me is like fucking a card in a tailpipe. Exhausting.

Oh!

Sexy things like fucking a car and a tailpipe. You don't want to be caught doing it in front of your friends. They'll never let you live it down! Sex is me. It's like having sex with a car and a tailpipe. You'll have a good time, but you will get burned. And you are contributing to Smaug. Power... Smaug. Smaug. Power failures occurred often. Kevin, therefore, did not bother resetting clocks every time the power was restored. When the power failed during the night, the clocks had not been reset from the previous power failure and looked unchanged in the morning. My man, I need you to do something. I need you to literally tear that page out. Okay. I'm taking it to Riddle Court. Okay. And here we go, off to Riddle Court. Okay, so this is Riddle Court, and may I please have the riddle before me, the defendant? Don't worry, I'm typing it all down! Okay, very good sonographer. Stephanie-ographer is her name. The riddle in question is about Kevin, power failure. Power fails all the time. I'm sorry, as the judge, I'm confused. Where are my Southern lawyers? I thought you were the guy who announces what's going on at the beginning. I bought a gavel because I thought I was the judge.

You could do this, but I only want Southern people in this courtroom. Your Honor, is this Southern enough to be, uh... Turn up the volume on the Southern?

You don't wanna... Am I just... A little bit down? Your Honor, am I Southern enough? A little bit up. Y'all know. Am I southern enough to be loyal? There you go. You're southern enough to be loyal. This riddle is for them folks in the big city.

It talks about digital rocks and boundaries.

Order, order, order in my court.

I'll take a chicken pasta.

Well, I bought a gavel so that makes me a judge. Now I have to say, this riddle sucks. Order, order, order.

I created Beavis and Butthead in Silicon Valley. All right.

Order, order, order. Axel Foley's getting up to a lot of hijinks and I gotta be there to stop him. Are you still alive? How do I type who's talking now? That's Judge Reinhold.

Okay.

Oh no, he Keif or something right here on the courtroom floor.

Oh no. Scene. Oh, I was gonna send Riddle to prison. Hey, I need a bit of a breather. How we doing? Erin, how you feeling? Oh, I'm okay. I'm a little sore from this episode. From all the running I've been doing. Yeah, this has been a real physical, this has been like a double dare-esque physical challenge. We like... Yeah, I blew out both my quads. Yeah, but how many flags did you get? What's that? How many flags did you get? Well, I mean, when my quads blew up, all the flags went scattering, so... Oh, were they in your quads?

I shoved flags in my quads. That's probably a big part of it. What are we doing now? Well, the final challenge is to go through the mouth, right?

There's that giant mouth with the tongue and all that cream cheese and goop.

And then after that, I guess we clean ourselves off in the sandbox.

Whoa, what a misdirect. Sand is really good for cleansing off all kinds of oil and grease. It's nature's paper towel. They call it ablutions. They do. Oh, you mean like Jim and John? Blutions? That was their, like, code heads Saturday Night Live, like Ripoff, The Volusians. Cookie Man, how we doing?

Hey, it's me, I'm back. Cookie Man.

Cookie Man, can we get a little chomp chomp? Chomp chomp. Yeah.

Funny part is, I don't even eat cookies. I don't even like cookies. Damn, what a Cookie Man move.

I know.

Cookie Man just alienated all of his fans.

So what are you chomping into, Cookie Man? Is that celery with peanut butter?

Yeah, there's a little ants on the log. I actually think anyone who likes cookies is an asshole.

I had a really bad experience with a cookie in my younger days. Ooh, can we hear that story? No. Okay.

We'll have you back on for a patreon when we tell our worst cookie stories. I forgot to clear my cash.

Let me just say it was The Bozo Show and... Really? Remember Cookie on The Bozo Show? No. No? No, that reference went nowhere. Finally someone who's older than me on the show. WGN Bozo Show? I know The Bozo Show. The Clown, Bozo The Clown, right? The Bozo Show from Bozo... Yeah, yeah. From WGN. But I never watched it and I don't know any other characters except Bozo. What's the key to The Clown? Cookie was his sidekick, yeah.

Bozo was the main guy and Cookie was the sidekick. So the only reason I know Bozo is from Simpsons and Krusty the Clown and Side Show Bob.

Yeah, Krusty is a direct reference to Bozo, for sure. And Side Show Bob is basically Cookie? Yeah, uh, yeah.

Oh, so he's Frasier. Oh, shit.

Oh, boy. What do you got in store for us today? Speaking of food, I've got a food puzzle for you. We were speaking of clowns. Mmm, you were. Closer food. In the future, cleanses food.

So, the puzzle today is I'm going to give you clues for a kind of food that is named after a place. Okay. But the clues are all going to be the ingredients of the food.

So you're going to come up with, from the list of ingredients, what the food is, and just the hint is that they are all named after somewhere in the world. Clever girl. Clever. Here we go. Ice cream, sponge cake, meringue. Strawberry shortcake. Yeah, it's named after Shortcake, in Alabama. That's called a... What was it? Ice cream, sponge cake, strawberry? Meringue. You said strawberry. That's called an Atlanta sunrise.

Wait, alright. It's, it's, I'll tell you what, it's put in an oven.

Oh, baked Alaska. Baked Alaska. What?

Baked Alaska?

You both knew that and I've never heard of that. Baked Alaska? Yeah. You know what it is? No. Ice cream and meringue and sponge cream.

It's also the fucking best. And you put it in the oven?

Yeah, you put it in the oven.

You bake it. So the ice cream melts. Yeah, I don't know. So I'm not a chef. He's not a food doctor. Not a fucking food doctor.

Alright, here we go. Mayonnaise, ketchup, horseradish, pimentos, chives, and spices. Ooh, a Santa Fe terrible. Santa Fe terrible is my nickname in college. Can we get those ingredients one more time?

Think about it. Think what it looks like.

Mayonnaise and ketchup and horseradish, pimentos, chives, and spices.

It sounds nothing like it came from the place it's named after. Seven layers of Hell Dip?

You know this, you see this on the menu, I'll design.

Oh sure I know it, but I can't. Manny's in ketchup, what do you get? Aioli. It's like a red aioli. Manny's in ketchup.

Horse radish. Oh, Donkey Sauce. Arby Sauce, named after Guy Fieri. Guy Fieri, Donkey Island.

He should have a reality show called Donkey Island, where it's like Love Island, but just donkeys.

Let's donkey it up. I don't know. What do you get when- It's a kind of- Thousand Island dressing.

Thousand, oh Chernobyl dressing.

It's a dressing. You're telling me Thousand Island isn't a real Jersey? Thousand Island. It's a dress.

French dressing. Thousand Acres, Christopher Robbins. It's the other one. French is a place.

It is a place, but it's not a dress. It's not Italian, that's like a vinaigrette.

This is ketchup. Russian dressing.

Okay. I don't think I've ever had Russian dressing. Hot dog, ground beef, yellow mustard, white onions. Cincinnati chili. Chicago skyline. Skyline chili.

No, that would be good. But no, we're talking about hot dogs here. Is that a Chicago dog?

Hot dogs with ground beef on it.

What do you call that?

I have no idea.

Hot dog with ground beef on it. Yeah, it's gonna be like a chili dog, but that's I mean, those are mostly in like, here's my, the extent of my funny island dog.

You got it.

You did it. All right. This is a dessert again. Chocolate pie crust, chocolate custard, chocolate sauce, chocolate and vanilla ice cream on top. Death by Nevada. Anyone know? German chocolate cake. It's called a Mississippi Mud Pie.

Yeah, I have heard of that.

Rice noodles, eggs, tofu, tamarind pulp, fish sauce, dried shrimp, garlic, chili peppers, and often peanuts.

Fuh. Sounds like Pad Thai. Vietnam. Oh, Pad Thai. That's the answer.

Very nice. Wait. Oh, nice. Pad Thai. Because it's from your house. It's from your pad. From your pad. From my flat. Flat, flat tie. Okay, speaking of flat. Flat chicken filet rolled around cold butter, eggs, and breadcrumb. So it's rolled around cold butter. That's the key thing. Chicken filet. If I just said chicken and butter, you'd be like, whatever. Flat chicken filet. Chicken and cordon bleu.

Wrapped around cold butter. No, it's not.

Eggs and breadcrumbs. I don't know.

It's called chicken and then a city in Eastern Europe. Keif.

That's right.

Yes. Oh nice. Good job. You've heard of that? I've heard of Chicken Keif.

I had no idea what the fuck it was. You cooked this? Yeah, sure. Yeah. I've made Chicken Keif. Okay. I have Chicken Fucker.

Can you Keif me? Man, it was right there. How did I not get it? How'd you not get that? Gin, Cherry Liqueur, Quantra- Manhattan. Benedictine, Gran- I don't serve me a cocktail. Okay. Gin, cherry liqueur, Cointreau, benedictine, grenadine, pineapple juice, lime juice bitters. It's a very complicated drink. Cherry Lime Ricky, Brooklyn sunrise, champagne, Maui-Wowie. There are a lot of cocktails named after places. Honestly, there's a lot of food named after places. Is this tropical? Is this a tropical drink? Yeah, I think so. Mai Tai. Can you get a hint? Yeah. It's alliterative. You know, the title of the thing. Oh, it's from a book. Oh, God. I've seen him pull this out of fucking a book. No, not litera- Not litera- Alliterative.

The two letters. Yeah. Yeah.

Mmm.

I don't know how else to clue it.

Southeast Asia. Muh-muh. Is it the place?

Southeast Asia. Not Thai. Not Thai.

Is it a country or a city?

Oh.

Uh oh. You said yes? Both. So this is gonna be the old New Delhi, India. Southeast Asia. There's only one place in Southeast Asia that is both a country and a city. Hey, well that makes it easier. We obviously know that place. Tell us. Let's move back to food.

Hard-boiled eggs, sausage, bread crumbs.

It's a hard-boiled egg sauce. English breakfast. Scotch egg. You said it. Scotch egg. Scotch egg. Named after egg. Mike Myers. West Egg. Long Island. Speaking of eggs, we've got eggs. We've got cheese, diced ham, mustard, ramlet, bing. You didn't let me finish it. What else? What else is in there? Cheese, egg, ham, altitude, and onions. Wow, I got that right. I think I said it first, then JPC said it, and then you said it. No, I said green peppers. She did get green peppers. You can't even fucking argue that, Adal.

You didn't say green peppers.

Sorry, Erin. I'm so sorry. Vinegar, molasses, sugar, salt, anchovies, tamarins, onions, garlic, and various spices. This is the original recipe. There's lots of ways to make it. Caesar dressing. Vinegar molasses. I don't know if I'd get this, Azar. Vinegar, molasses, anchovy, sugar, salt, anchovies, tamarinds, onions, garlic type of sauce. This is going to be ambrosia. This is going to be... Hambrosia. Hambrosia. Is that anything? It's hamsterdam actually. It's hamsterdam sauce. McNulty. What do you put it on? Steak. I put on steak. Chimichurri. A1. It's vinegary. It's dark and vinegary.

Sweet.

Little sweet.

Is it Kansas City barbecue sauce? No. I don't know.

It's Worcestershire sauce.

Worcestershire sauce. Is that from Boston?

It's from Worcestershire, which is I think in England. It's from a little old Great Britney's. All right, I got a dessert for you. Before we do that, can we see a quick scene? JPC, I just want to see, Bing, not an Anglo file. Yes. I don't know the commercial for Worcestershire sauce. Oh, by the way, your Anglos are way too long. Okay, file them down. Can we see just the quickest commercial for Worcestershire sauce as it is seen in Britain? Absolutely. Hi Mum!

What's for dinner? Is it?

What is it? Oh, steak and potatoes, hey!

Why are you yelling at me?

Why the hell are you yelling at me? Hey, you shut up. You shut up. You shut up. I hate you. Oi, oi, oi. You're peeking the audio.

Oh, sorry.

Zip. See you then.

All right, a couple more. Sandy, you left the room for that. Yeah, sorry. We asked you to.

I was going to eat my chicken Kiev leftovers.

Here we go. Flour, butter, egg yolks, lemon zest, cinnamon, lemon juice, hazelnuts, and red currant jam. That's the big clue. Uh, main four berry pie. It's going to be like a London surprise. It's a kind of, yeah, it's a kind of dessert. But current's like a British, that's a British thing. Yeah, it's East European, I'll tell you that.

But we don't have currents here. Poland.

Yep, yeah, we don't have currents. The seas are just calm. We have under toes, camel toes, and under toes.

Russia. Is it East European? Yeah.

Ukrainian...

Fudge.

German chocolate cake.

Sandy, just say yes.

Is that how you're going to propose? Because I'm going to be saying it over and over again. I've got a list of desserts. A ring, your finger, my love forever. German chocolate cake.

I know this.

Boston... Cream pie. You got it. You are not my friend!

You said that to Adal, right? Yes, you are my friend. You are not my friend. Thank you.

So there are a lot of these. I went on a Wikipedia page for like food named after places and oh my gosh people like to do that. Now are a lot of them like super obscure though? Yeah, most of them are super obscure like Lin's door. I'm so sorry. I think that that's something that I've maybe heard before. I just never would have been able to pull it out. Well and also lots of just individual things like a Jerusalem artichoke, right? Oh yeah, Jordan almonds and black forest. What ingredient artichoke? Yeah. Yeah.

But yeah, lots of stuff. I heard you have a face.

Do you have anything to plug?

Sure. I'm happy to talk about my Twitter where I post puzzles every day. PZLR on Twitter.

You can go to MysteryLeague.com and learn about all the games I put on for corporate team building and stuff like that.

And then I have a show running in Denver. The last Defender show that I made in Chicago a few years ago at the House Theater is running at the Denver Center for the Performing Arts. That's such a fun show. Yeah, it's pretty fun. It's fantastic. Do you have people that you trust in Denver doing it justice? People who I trust to play it, or running it. And I was like, well, people I trust are allowed to buy tickets. Yeah, yeah, no, they're doing a great job. Okay, great. And Sandy, you said if they call the theater and say, give me a fucking discount, they get 10% off? They say, if you say, hey, I'm a Hey Riddle Riddle fan, I'm a clue-fucking disco. They're gonna hang up on you. They're gonna hang up on you. Hang up on you.

I don't need this.

I have other friends. Let's have a lot of hung ups. Listen, if you describe to an ingredient, what goes in a Denver omelet, when you call them, they'll be like,

I don't care. Western peppers. Western peppers. We're like, good for you. Good for you. We don't eat this here. Sandy, always a treat. And I must say that as we continue to do the show, at some point, we're going to lean exclusively on you for puzzles.

I've been wondering about it.

Because there's a finite end to what we can scrounge up. Well I'm always here for you. So please prepare for that puzzle-pocalypse that's probably coming after episode 200. And after that you will be the full-time host because we'll need puzzles every week. I can't wait till we have Sandy back for the puzzle-pocalypse.

Well I'll be here. Thank you so much.

Thank you.

Well, let's get to our plugs section. Ooh, plugs? Adal, what's your plug in? I want to let people know to check out our Patreon.

If you're not already doing so, we have so much content there. Now is the time to strike because the iron is hot, my man. So go to patreon.com slash HeyRiddleRiddle. You're going to spend five bucks.

But in return, you're going to get a new episode every Friday, an hour of new content. You have all this backlog of content. We have our live shows. We have a D&D campaign. We have all kinds of exciting stuff in the Hopper. Is that a phrase? Yes. In the Hopper? In the Dennis Hopper. In the Dennis Hopper. So check it out.

Also come see us in world news every Saturday at 8 p.m.

and 10 p.m. We may not all be there, but we'll try and be and we'll say hi afterwards. We may not all be there, but we can promise you this. We will be there every week. In spirit. No! Don't ask.

But also it's a very good show, so even if none of us are there, it will be great. Yeah, you'll find even funnier people. And you can follow me on Twitter at jpsofly, on Instagram at sharkbarkman. And just, yeah, listen to all our stuff and go to our tea public store and buy our merchandise and that's just, and then communicate.

Just communicate with your partners. Oh, I should have plugged that. That's a good one. Yeah. Uh, Erin, anything to plug? Uh, follow me, Erin Keif 10 on Instagram and I'll plug all my shows and stuff there. Okay. So, uh, Erin, if the lead actor with the last name Law fought a famous terrifying nightmare clown from Stephen King and then went to a part of the hospital for ambulances, what would that be? Jude-la-it from Stephen King's It. Jup-a-Jude-per. Jude-ipper? Uh? Jude-ipper? Mars? Bye forever! This has been Hey Riddle Riddle.

Created by Adal Rifai.

Starring Erin Keif and John Patrick Coan.

H.E. Snyder V.D. editing.

That was a hate gun podcast.